Everybody Has a Reason

The following week, Lila and Conner went out more often, maybe to the café, maybe to each other’s house, or maybe just for a walk. It didn’t matter to Lila as long as she saw him. Conner was a tonic to Lila, whenever she was with him she felt better. She felt…alive almost.

She felt like she didn’t need to feel sad anymore, that it was okay to smile and laugh and have a good time. Lila’s attachment to Conner wasn’t only affecting her. Conner was growing a great fondness towards Lila. Who could blame him? She was beautiful, funny, smart, sweet, kind. Everything in a girl you could need.

It was now Sunday again, Lila and Conner were going into the city centre, Conner had one hour shift to do in the pub for over work as when he was late last week due to being at Lila’s for so long. Obviously, Lila didn’t know this. She just presumed Conner was getting more money. Conner asked if Lila would want to tag alone, she jumped at the chance.

Driving into Dublin, was no event just the usual talking and laughing. Conner walked into the pub, Lila by his side, she suddenly felt nervous. Some men glanced her way, and wolf whistled and she rolled her eyes.

Conner felt protective and put an arm around her and he noticed the disappointment in the men’s eyes. Conner found the best seat in front of the small stage at the centre of the pub where Conner’s ’band’ was. They weren’t official but it was what you call it.

“Okay, so ready to see the show?” teases Conner. Lila nods eagerly. She couldn’t wait to hear him sing.

Conner smiles softly “You want a drink or anything?” he asks. Lila declines politely but Conner ordered her one anyway.

“For later then” he winks and shrugs his jacket off, placing it on the other side of the booth, it was a sign to all men to stay away. Well in Conner’s mind, not that his coat would do much damage.

Lila smiled brightly “Good luck!” she cheers and Conner picked up his guitar case which he had brought in with him “I don’t need luck, I got you” he says kindly and she smiled and watched as he disappeared to the back. Lila looked around the pub, it was old fashioned all right. A typical Irish pub.

Within five minutes, Conner came on the stage and some girls shrieked, they were sitting near the front too, nearby Lila actually. Lila glanced at the slightly, pretending to look at someone behind them. They were pretty girls, but obviously loud and obnoxious and what’s the least demeaning word? Easy is how Lila would put it.

Conner sat on a stool and propped his acoustic guitar up and rearrange the microphone to where it should be.

“Hi there” he speaks and some blokes start cheering, obviously drunk. Even though it was only four in the afternoon.

“I’m Conner, this is the Gigs. Jenny, Tom and Alex” he introduces. Jenny was playing drums, Tom was electric guitar and back up singer and Alex was piano/keyboard.

Conner gave another charming smile and Lila melted inside. “Okay, we’re going to start off with a slow one. This goes to my new friend Lila” he introduces and suddenly everyone looks at her. People clapped politely and some people whooped.

“This is Open Your Eyes by the Snow Patrol” announces and Conner and after two deep breaths, a glance at Lila. He begins the song.

“All this feels strange…” the first words gave Lila the impression. Conner was good. Not just good, amazing. He had a nice, low soprano voice with a nice rough edge. It wasn’t what she’d normally be into, but it was Conner. And he was amazing. The drums soon came in, then Tom and finally Alex helped out with sounds too. Altogether, they were pretty amazing.

Lila couldn’t take her eyes off him, she felt like she was in a trance that she’d never want to get out of. Listening to the whole song that Lila had now fallen in love with, at the end. She applauded what she wanted to think was the loudest. It was hard to tell, as the whole pub was in cheering and clapping. Conner stood up and bowed slightly and looked right at Lila and winked. Lila suddenly felt so pleased and proud that the song was dedicated to her. It was just a bonus that every single other female in this room was jealous as hell.

----

One Month. One month since Lila had first moved here, one month since she first meet Lila. It seemed time was slipping through her fingers. Lila had spent the day yet again at Conner’s, it involved cooking a cake but they managed to get more mixture on themselves then in the actual tin. But the cake was tasty nevertheless.

It was 8pm by the time Lila got home, and Maria was in the kitchen tidying up. The phone rang and after three rings, Lila picked up.

“Hello?” she says into the receiver.

“Hello Lila” says a familiar voice, it took a few seconds before Lila realized it was Genevieve.

“Oh, Hi Eve.” says Lila more kinder. Genevieve did the usual “How are you?” “What you been up to?” “How’s Ireland/England?” The usual small talk, it wasn’t till Lila said she had to go Eve rambled something.

“Sorry? Say again Eve” says Lila, confused she was leaning against her bedroom wall, staring at her wall opposite her.

“I’ve found some of Drew’s stuff Lilly. Stanley and I were having a clearout in the attic. It’s stuff from when you were younger” she says softly. Lila’s heart clenched with pain.

“You’re not…” begins Lila, Even understood.

“No dear, we’d never throw that stuff away. I was just wondering if you wanted me to send it to you? There’s something else that I found” says Eve, she sounded like she trying not to cry.

Lila inhaled deeply, trying to prevent tears. “What’s that?” she asks, but it comes out crackly.

“It’s a letter Lila. From Drew” she says quietly. Lila froze, her whole body shivered. She gritted her teeth, and closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

“Lila?” says Eve after moments of silence.

“How?” croaks Lila.

“Drew had left a letter addressed to you, the police found it and gave it to me. I’d thought it would be best, if we waited before we gave it you” she says, she sniffled confirming to Lila she was crying.

Lila felt tear drops fall from eyes, she could picture Drew in her mind. Drew smiling, Drew laughing, Drew messing up her hair, Drew giving her a huge hug when he saw her upset.

Reality came back in and Lila’s eyes shot open. She replayed Eve’s conversation.

“You thought!” snaps Lila, realizing that this letter could have been months ago.

“Lila I-” begins Eve.

“No! Don’t! You hid this from me! You should have given it me straight away and it would have been my choice to read it when I want! So guess what Eve-” hisses Lila.

Eve gasped, choking back tears “You thought wrong!” yells Lila, screaming with frustration and she hung up and with welled up fury, she threw the phone forcefully at her wall, the back broke off and the wall dented, paint chipping off and wall crumbling slightly.

“You’re going to pay for that” says a voice, Maria was hovering at the door. Lila glared at the wall and slid down the wall, bringing her knees to her chest, tears furiously falling down her cheeks. Maria entered and sat on the end of the bed.

“You shouldn’t yell at your Grandma, Lila. It’s not right. She was only trying to help-” Maria attempts to soothe

“Stop.” cuts in Lila, wiping her cheeks. Maria looked at her, trying to find the right words to say.

“I know Drew’s death was a big effect on you, but he had his reasons Lila” says Maria softly, Lila gritted her teeth tightly, glaring at the wall, fresh tears in her eyes. She was shaking with anger, her fists clenched.

“STOP SAYING THAT!” she screams, scrabbling up and screamed with anger, kicking the wall.

“Lila! Stop it!” yells Maria, trying to pull her away. Lila forced herself out of Maria’s arms.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME!” she screams, her chest heaving with air.

Maria was about to talk again but Lila beat her to it.

“YOU DON’T GET IT! NO ONE GETS IT! I’M SICK OF HEARING IT! DREW HAD HIS REASONS. DREW WASN’T WELL, HE WAS SICK! HE WASN’T. I WAS WITH DREW, I LIVED WITH HIM, I WAS THERE EVERY SINGLE DAY! HE WASN’T SICK! HE WASN’T ILL. HE JUST WANTED TO DIE. HE CHOSE TO DIE MARIA!” Lila screamed so loud, the whole of Ireland could have heard.

“He left me!” sobs Lila, not bothering to wipe her tears. Maria sat there, shocked, unknowing what to do. Lila’s head hurt, she felt dizzy and nausea. Her throat was sore and scratchy.

“Drew’s dead Maria. He’s never coming back!” she yells, but it was more of a reminder to herself. Her limit being reached, Lila ran out the room, rushing down the stairs.

“LILA! LILA COME BACK!” shouts Maria, and Lila sprinted out the door before Maria had time to get down the stairs. Lila didn’t care, she just needed air. Correction. She needed Conner.