Everybody Has a Reason

Thumping on the door of number 6, Conner’s house number. She prayed to God that Conner would answer.

The door swung open, letting light onto the dark patio. God was being kind as Conner stood there. Lila gave a watery smile. Conner saw her red, tear stricken face.

“Lila” he says softly, shocked.

“Walk with me” she pleads and without a second thought, he grabbed the nearest coat, most likely Paddy’s. He closed the door behind him, following Lila who was already out the gate at the end of the drive.

“Lila! Wait up!” calls Conner, quickening his pace. Lila was leaning again ‘Buttercup’s’ bonnet, sniffling quietly.

“What’s wrong?” asks Conner worriedly, seeing tears still falling. Lila didn’t say anything, just sniffed and tried to control herself.

“Lila” he says softly, putting his hand on her shoulder and she stiffened.

“Let’s get out of here” she says suddenly and she tugs Conner to the driver’s seat. Conner was completely confused.

“Lila, what you talking about…” he asks unsure.

“Conner. Please…let’s just go. Please” Lila begs, desperation in her tone. Conner looked at her, it was dark but he could see her face. He couldn’t say no.

“Okay” he whispers, and luckily, he had his keys in his jean pocket and he unlocked the car and Lila jumped into the passenger side and Conner got into the driver’s seat. Within seconds, the car started and they were driving down the hill, and soon enough they were out in Ireland, no idea where they going.

Conner put the heater on, as he saw Lila shivering. “There’s a blanket in the back” he says and he puts his arm around the back of the seat without looking and felt around for it. He picked it up and handed it her. Lila took it silently and wrapped around herself tightly, and she bought her legs up to her chest. She leaned her head against the window wondering what’d she do without Conner. Most likely? Nothing.

---

Driving in Ireland at night wasn’t the smartest thing to, especially when you have no idea where you actually are. They had past Dublin about two hours ago, so they knew they were far from home. No one spoke a word, none of them knew what to say.

Another 30 minutes past, it was past midnight now. “Want to stop for a bit?” Conner asks Lila, who shrugged not bothered. Conner pulled up, near some railings that seemed to go on forever. They were surrounded by hills and it was a clear night, stars were twinkling brightly and the moon was full.

Conner turned his engine off and sighed. Moments of silence before he spoke.
“What’s going on?” he asks quietly, hands remaining on the steering wheel. Lila bit her lip nervously and she opened the car door and got out, bringing the blanket with her.

Conner got out too and watched from the door, as Lila leaned against the bonnet, staring up at the beautiful night sky. Lila exhaled, breath in front of her. She was shivering, she was so cold yet she didn’t care. Conner wanted to ask again but didn’t.

Lila looked straight ahead of her, wondering how she could form words. It was time Conner knew.

“My brother killed himself on the 31st December 2010” she says suddenly. Conner was shocked. Yes, Maria had already told him but the words coming from her mouth hit him hard.

Conner wanted to say something, anything to make her pain go away. But he couldn’t.

“He took an overdose of paracetamol. 30 tablets” she says painfully, feeling fresh hot tears on her cheeks. Conner dared himself to step forward, wanting to hug her.

“I can’t get it in my head, that he chose to die. He did it. Himself” she says, her voice cracking. Conner stepped even closer, now standing in front of her. Lila sniffed, wiping her nose.

“I wish. I wish I could have done something. Anything to stop him.” she says, it felt like she was talking to herself. The pain in her stomach was throbbing. Conner felt helpless. He literally didn’t know what to do.

Lila suddenly looked at him, those grey eyes were shining with tears. “Conner.” she croaks and before Conner finally say something. Lila threw herself into his arms, hugging his torso so tightly. She didn’t want to be rejected anymore. Conner was shocked, stumbled slightly but kept his balance. He wrapped his arms around her, rocking her slightly. She sobbed, she cried, she screamed in pain and Conner took it all, refusing to let go.

“He was my brother!” she screams, tightening her grip as if Conner would disappear any minute. She couldn’t take that, not anymore. She was took weak, too fragile, too broken.

Conner leaned his head on top of head, breathing in her scent, she smelled so nice. She smelled of raspberries and perfume. He kissed her hair softly.

Finally, when she controlled herself Lila pulled back slightly still holding on to him though. She looked up at him, as he was like half a foot taller.

“Conner, you’re not going to say anything?” she says suddenly, pain in her voice. Conner suddenly felt guilty.

“You’re not going to say, it’s going to be okay? Or he had his reasons? He was sick!” she asks, she didn’t want to hear this, but she wanted something from him. Even if it was wrong thing.

Conner looked at, conjuring up his courage and said the truth. “Why should I lie to you?” he says so quietly, if they weren’t in the middle of no where, a silent area. She wouldn’t of heard him. She froze. Conner was the only person who had ever said that. She waited, seeing if he would add anything. He didn’t. Lila knew right there, right then. Conner was the only one who told her the truth, the full, blatant, painful truth.

Lila hugged him again, her ear against his chest, she could hear his heart pounding rapidly.

“I want to say something, I want to make you feel better. I want to make you happy Lila. But I can’t. I can’t say it’s going to be okay, because right now it’s not going to be. Maybe in the future. I can’t say he had his reasons. I didn’t know him did I? I didn’t know what he was thinking. And I don’t know if he was sick, only you would know. I don’t know Lila.” he says softly, stroking her head. Lila squeezed him slightly, letting him know she heard.

“Conner…” she trails off. Conner pushes her away slightly and looked her right in the eyes.

“Don’t ever leave me” she whispers, desperation in her voice. Conner took one look in those stunning grey eyes and he knew, even if he wanted to. He couldn’t ever leave Lila Scott.

“Never” he promises. Lila let a small smile out and she sniffed and hugged him again for warmth, for comfort and for love.

An hour later, and Lila and Conner made themselves comfortable on top of Buttercup, the blanket tightly wound around Lila and she had her head on Conner’s chest looking up to the gorgeous night sky. Conner was twirling a piece of Lila’s hair around his fingers, wondering how this beautiful creature was with him.

“Conner” Lila says quietly, her usual bright voice was croaky and tired. She felt so drained. Conner looked down at her, she was looking up to him.

“Yeah Lila?” he says softly, brushing a piece of hair back behind her ear. She smiled slightly.

“Tell me a story, anything just…talk” she asks hopefully. Conner smiles tenderly and nods. He breathes in deeply and exhales.

“Okay.” he says and Lila moves her head back to facing the hills. Conner watched them too and began his story.

“One day, in the heart of Dublin lived a young, beautiful girl and she was rich and wealthy and lived in a huge castle on a hill. She had servants which served her hand and foot. Now, Lila was treated like royalty so many people called her Princess. So Princess Lila loved horses and she had many of them. She obviously had people to look after them. And one of them, the lowest of them, a lowly servant boy, he was a handsome man with dark hair and green eyes. His name was Conner. Now Lila and Conner were secretly friends-” he says and he begins this magical, fantasy story that Conner was obviously making up as he went along but Lila didn’t care because she just loved listening to him. It made the emptiness go away.