All I Wanted

I walked down the dark, empty streets of the west side. Everyone seemed to be in their homes, as the sun had set and the wind blew; the end of February brought a harsh winter storm. I had my hand stuffed in my pockets, fingers sore and my teeth chattering.

"4 more blocks," I reassured myself.

I had walked home, after working for 8 hours straight, and my bandage was coming off in a few days. Mom had to work late, Drew was with his family, so I was on my own.

I took my hands out to pull my beanie over my freezing ears. I rubbed my freezing palms together and soon made it down my block. I noticed a dark figure pacing in my yard. I raised my brow and stood a few feet away.

"Sunny?" the familiar, male voice ask, looking over at me.

"Yeah...who are you?" I stood away, cautious.

"It's me, Ray," I sighed, relieved.

"What are you doing here?" I jogged up, the thin layer of dew crunch under my feet.

"I came to talk," he shivered, "can we go inside?"

I gave Ray a warm cup of coffee as he sat on the couch. His thin jacket was no match for this storm.

"Do you want a blanket?" I asked softly; his teeth chattered.

"Please?" I nodded and rushed to the linen closet.

I pulled out the thicket blanket we had and draped it over Ray. I rubbed his arms, and sat beside him.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked finally.

"F-frank," he stammered.

"You're freezing your ass off to talk about Frank?" he nodded, "Ray, you need to warm up before we talk, okay?" he shivered and I went to turn up the heat.

"H-he's stressed o-out," he muttered when I came back.

"Ray, please, just warm up."

It took 15 minutes before the color returned to his face. I felt horrible that he had been waiting for me, especially out in the cold weather. He didn't shiver and drank down his coffee.

"What happen to your hand?" he asked, placing the mug in the table.

"I bent the bolts and plate," I looked over my small cast.

"Who'd you hit?" he asked jokingly.

"This asshole...but I don't want to get into it."

He nodded, "I wanted to talk about Frank."

"Why?" I questioned, "And what does that have to do with me?"

"He's stressed over you," he started, "he misses you and--" I cut him off.

"Did he tell you what he and Mikey did? What he and my ex-best friend been doing behind my back?" I asked, feeling angry.

"No, he didn't," he answered softly. 

"Well, he and Marilyn have been fucking behind my back," I spat.

"I didn't know, I'm sorry Sunny," I shook my head.

"Don't apologize, it isn't your fault," I sighed, "I just want everything to stop; Frank and I, Marilyn trying to apologize, and the stupid flowers and gifts...I hate feeling this way," he gave me a sympathetic look, "I wish I were numb."

"I honestly didn't know, he never said a thing; just that you were mad at him."

"I gave the tickets, he sent, away, so I won't be there tomorrow," I crossed my arms to my middle.

"That was my idea," he smiled nicely, "it's alright, though, I get where you're coming from."

"As much as I wanna forget Frank..." I swallowed, "I miss him like crazy, Ray," his smiled a little wider, "but I don't think I could ever forgive them...especially Frank," he frowned a bit.

"Did you talk to your friend?" I nodded, "And you talked to Frank..." he hummed, "I honestly don't know what to say to help," I sighed, "do you love Frank?" I felt those damn tears hit me.

"I still get butterflies when I think about him," I admitted, sheepishly.

"That's exactly what he says," he chuckled, almost to himself, "I think you guys need to talk," he almost ordered, "you guys need to see each other and let it all out."

"I don't know," I wiped my cheeks.

"Just come with me to the hotel, you guys can talk."
-

My knees shook as Ray held my left hand in the elevator. He talked me down to keep calm. He promised to be in the room when we talked.

"He's probably smoking on the balcony," he told me as we walked towards their rooms.
We stopped at a door, Ray pulled out his card and opened the door. I could hear soft singing from a familiar voice. My heart began to race as Ray led me in.

"Frank, you in here?" Ray called.

"Yeah," his voice echoed from the bathroom.

"I got a surprise for you," Ray teased.

We walked toward the bed and Frank came out the bathroom. He was surprised when he saw me; he was decked in a white towel, around his waist, he had a thin beard, along with a mustache, his hair wet and his hands filled with folded clothes.

"Sunny?" he dropped his clothes.

"She agreed to talk it out with you," Ray said for me.

"Alright, just let me get dressed," he started quickly.

"We'll be waiting," Ray smiled and led me over to the table.

Frank came out the bathroom less than a minute later. His Dawn of the Dead shirt was wet, clinging to his torso, his jeans were half up his legs, and he was hurrying to put some socks on; he used a towel to dry his hair quickly.

"Calm down, she isn't going anywhere," Ray joked as he rushed over.

"Sunny, babe, I miss--" 

"She gets to speak first," Ray cut him off.

Frank looked at me, his hazel eyes were like puppy dogs, begging for a treat, his thin beard and mustache reminded me of how much older he was. I swallowed and crossed my legs, Ray moved from his chair, next to me and sat on the bed. Frank sat across from me, in Ray's seat, and smiled at me.

He looked down at my hands, clasped together, "What happen--"

Ray cut him off, and ordered, "Sunny, say exactly what you been feeling for the past 2 months."

"I've been going out of my mind trying to figure out what to do or how I should feel," my voice was hoarse from keeping quiet so long, "I've cried, I've prayed, I've...done everything to figure it all out! I wondered what could cause you to cheat on me, especially with...her. Why you would tell me you love me and then..." I throat grew tight; I was going to cry, "Why would you do that?" I blurted out before those big fat tears roll down my cheeks.

Ray got up, just as I leaned my face in my hands, "It's alright, Sunny," he rubbed my back, "calm down, kid," he cooed.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Frank choked out.

I pulled my hands back, my fucking fingers twitched, and Ray stepped away. I looked over at Frank; he looked like he was going to cry.

"You're one of the first girl I loved...still love," he mumbled quickly, "when I'm with you I can be myself, I can act stupid and say whatever I want. I don't know what it is about you that has me going out my brain; I want to be around you all the time! I want to hold you, I want us to lie in bed all day and kiss, I love the feeling I get when I see you," he smiled with an exhale, "those butterflies...they're comforting because I know you're around. Even the scent of mint gum and chocolate drives me wild! I can't..." he took my left hand, "or at least, I don't think I can live without you...even if you just call me on the phone or answer my emails."

I honestly didn't know what to say. I was speechless, and touched at what he had to say. I couldn't think; forgive or forget.

"Sunny?" Ray touched my arm gently.

"I love you, more than you'll ever know," Frank added.

"I..." I didn't know what to say, "I don't trust you anymore," was I all I could spit out.

He frowned a bit, Ray gave me an encouraging smile. I sighed heavily.

"I don't think I could ever trust you..." I uncrossed my legs, my right legs bounced, "I want it all to stop," I seemed to repeat myself; from what I had told Ray earlier, "I don't want roses, I don't want gifts, I don't apologies, I don't want anything," I choked out, I crossed my leg again, "I don't want a thing..." I thumbed the tears away.

"I will do anything," he begged softly, "please, just don't ignore me anymore."

We were silent again. 

Ray smiled at the both of us, "Can you guys be friends?"

It hit me then, exactly what I should do. I swallowed hard and looked to Ray then Frank, "No."

They both looked at me, stunned and unsure of what to say.

"Sunny?" Ray muttered like he didn't know what to say next.

Frank stood up and looked down at me. He frowned, "It's because you're with someone, right?" he stood.

"I'm not with anyone!"

He snorted, "You're trying to get back at me? After I slept with her?"

I furrowed my brows with a sigh, "I don't need to do this," I stood, turning to Ray, "thank you, Ray, for trying, but I'm gonna go now."

I stormed out of the room and down the corridor. 

My feet stumbled as I made it to the elevator, pushing the down button harshly. I cursed to myself as I heard feet shuffle after me, "Hurry up!" I cursed to the elevator.

I felt a hand take my elbow, turning me. I looked to see Frank, searching my face for something.

"Don't touch me," I ripped away from him.

"I didn't mean what I said."

"Fuck off!" I pushed the button again.

"Sunny, I'm just stressed!" 

"Well, you won't be so stressed when I'm gone, now will you?"

He looked as if he was gonna cry, "Please."

"Please what?" I crossed my arms, "What are you begging for?"

"I love you, I just want to apologize!"

"I do not want apologies, do you not understand that?" I felt so frustrated, as if I was talking to a toddler.

"What do you want?" he was pleading again.

The doors opened and I stepped in, "For you to leave me alone!" I shouted, pushing the down button.