All I Wanted

My hair was hung around my face, but blew away as soon as I exited the comic store. I looked up and spotted a familiar blond to my left; my stomach churned as her laughter filled my ears, "Stop it, Frankie."

My entire stomach felt like it hit my feet. I held myself as I began to walk past them, I turned my head and saw the familiar scorpion tattoo. I held my mouth as his face attacked her neck. 

I ran, as fast as I could, down the block. My knees felt as if they would give out, but I pumped harder. I ran clear across town, until I hit my block. I stopped in front of my house and fell to my knees.

"Sunny?" I heard my mom's sweet, and gentle, voice, "Mija, are you okay?"

I leaned on my heels and looked at her getting out of her car. My eyes were blurry from the tears, I couldn't make out her features.

She came over and put her hand on my shoulder, helping me up. I stood, swaggering, and walked up the porch.

Inside, I tried to get to my room, but my body felt heavy. I made it to the couch and sat, pulling my knees to my chest. Mom sat beside me, I knew she had this worried look on her face, "What's wrong?"

I choked on my own words, I couldn't speak. I swallowed and sobbed into my knees, mom's hand ran across my face, moving my hair.

"I--," I choked, "I saw them..." I looked up, but my vision was still blurry, "together."

Mom didn't say anything, I buried my head back into my knees, still bawling. She ran her hand down my back, moving her hand in small circles. I sobbed until my eyes refused to generate anymore tears, and my voice began to go hoarse.
-

I laid in bed, on my back, looking up at the ceiling. My hand was stuck underneath my shirt, on my belly, my stereo played Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix, and I was singing along; the song explain what I wanted to do to both Frank and Marilyn. I wasn't particularly thinking of anything important or useful, I just stared at the ceiling, thanking God Frank wasn't on my mind...at the moment.

Then, I thought of Gee. I sat up, looking at the drawer. 

"Should I open it?" I asked myself.

I shrugged, getting up from my bed, turned off my stereo and over to my drawer. I opened it, the small box was there, squeezed in the corner, next to a few of my old CDs. I grabbed it, closed the drawer, and shook it; a little shuffle noise, but nothing else.

I tore open the box, and was met with a plastic box; an Apple Inc. box. I turned it, inside was a purple iPod nano.

"What the hell?" I continued to unwrap it and opened the plastic box. I pulled it out, and saw a small post it note taped to the back of it; "Sunny: Play Death Cab For Cutie first. It'll explain everything - XO Frank". 

I rolled my eyes and switched it on, and tried to work it; needless to say I felt like a complete idiot trying to work it.

I finally got to the music list, and saw a lot of my favorite bands on it. I did what he said and played DCFC first. The only song was 'I Will Follow You Into The Dark'. I put the earbuds into my ears and pressed play...

As soon as the song was over, I dismissed my soft feelings and tossed the iPod into the drawer. I didn't want anymore reminders. I didn't want to feel this way anymore.
-

"Sunny?" I heard my mom's voice at my door, it creeped open a second later, "Are you hungry?"

I blinked and looked over at her, "Sure," I answered.

I moved from my warm position (I was back in my bed) and turned my stereo off. I followed mom to the kitchen and sat at the table. She had pepperoni pizza cut onto two plates, and cherry cola in plastic cups. I sat across from her and looked down at the food. Mom smiled as she sat, I tried to smile back, but couldn't.

"We can go look at cars tomorrow after school," her voice broke our silence.

"Yeah," I answered back.

I ate, silently, trying to think of a million other things but him; but that damn song was stuck in my head. My mind was on some sick rampage to kill me and/or drive me insane. I swallowed down my food, feeling, almost, instantly sick. I chucked down the bubbly soda and covered my mouth.

"What's wrong?" mom asked; I think she saw the sickness in my face.

I swallowed down, "Nothing."

Mom seemed upset, she put her slice down and looked back at me, "You can tell me anything," her soft features searched me.

I pushed my plate away, "I want my head to shut off."

Mom took a deep breath, "Is it because of Frank?"

I nodded, tears stinging my eyes, "I think I'm going crazy."

Mom sighed, she knew all too well how this felt. She tweaked her lips and I knew she was gonna cry, too. I shook my head, "I want to disappear into oblivion," I added quietly, "I don't want to feel this way anymore."

Fat tears rolled down mom's cheeks and she wiped them away quickly. She stood up and walked over to me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders. I let the tears fall, I couldn't contain myself anymore.