All I Wanted

Even though I wasn't familiar with Champagne, I knew the train schedule well. I had lived in Tuscola, a few hours from Chicago, as a kid and rode it every weekend with my mom.

As I walked to the train station, the wind blew my hit tears across my cheeks. I was angry and said what I needed to her. I didn't even want to say her name, I was so angry.

When I got to the station, I used my last $10 to buy a ticket. I would be home by 8; mom would be upset. I sat in the outside terminal and sobbed softly. I pulled my phone out and decided to call my mom.

"Hello?" her warm voice made my throat tight.

"Ma, I'll be home by 8," more tears streamed.

"What's wrong, are you okay?" she could tell.

"Me and Nor had a fight," I bit back tears.

"Do you need me to pick you up?" I sucked in a quick breath.

"No, I need to finish my paper," I continued to lie for her, "and I'll be home."

"Well be careful, Mija," I nodded to no one.

"I will," I sniffled, "love you, ma."

"I love you, too."

I stuffed the phone back into my coat and waited for the train.

I sat alone on the empty train; I was too tired to think. My body and eyes felt drain, all I wanted was to get home.

While I tilted my head against the foggy glass I thought about my mom. My mom had me when she was 20 and my father was 22; she and my father had just married and were extremely happy. My father died from a heart attack; he was so young and I wasn't even born yet. They had been so in love; my mom didn't date until I was 12. 

She met Ronnie Gomez when I was 14; he was a sweet man who was a construction worker. He and my mom planned to marry the September before my 16th birthday; he died in a car accident a few days before the wedding.

After Ronnie died my mom was a wreck; she moped, didn't eat, didn't talk, she almost lost her RN license, and she felt suicidal too. Then, one day, she told me he came to her in her dreams and told her get back into life and get close with me again. All that, she was always protective and super visual of me; I couldn't blame her. It took her a good year to heal; even now it's a chore to keep her from breaking down.

So when I snapped at Normal it was a good reason. 
-

It was 8:30 when I got off the train. I took all my energy and moved it in my legs; I ran down town and toward my familiar, messy neighborhood. Once on my block, I slowed my pace and recuperated.

I walked up to the porch and opened the door. The smell of coffee reminded me of Frank; I would never enjoy this scent again. I tossed my pack on the couch and met my mom in the kitchen.

"You look like hell," she chuckled to me.

"I feel like it," I mumbled, "Sorry I was so late."

"It's alright, just go get ready so we can go," I nodded and obeyed.

Mom and I sat in the Mexican diner enjoying pulled beef, rice and guacamole. I poked at it; I wasn't in the mood to eat.

"Milkshakes after," she urged.

"I know," I gave her a weak smile.

"Was the fight that bad?" she asked.

"It was," I answered.

"Maybe you should talk it out," she advised.

"I said all I had to, ma," I scooped some food into my mouth.

"I couldn't imagine you two fighting," she wondered aloud.

Ma was right; Normal and I never fought. We never argued, I just would always agree and be her little puppet. I don't know how much more I could have taken; what she had said snapped me enough.
-

Mom didn't bother me after the milkshakes; instead we went home to crash. She fell asleep in her bedroom, while I went to my room and cleaned up. My phone was set on my desk, buzzing with a new message.

I opened it and saw 14 miss calls; 10 from Normal, 2 from an unknown number and 2 from Cameron Michaels, a kid I use to tutor. I didn't bother with the text or the voice mails, I just shut it off and went to bed.

I woke up early, with mom, and slowly got ready for school. I didn't know if I would see Normal, but I knew I would have to walk. I dressed warmly, as it had been raining all morning, ate breakfast and headed out after mom.

I hadn't walked to school in over 2 years, Normal always drove me, so it was rough. I kept getting lost, but made it to school on time. I had the cupcake beanie, I bought a few days ago, over my messy hair and took it off when I got to my locker. I stuffed my phone inside with it.

"Hey, I called you last night," a familiar voice came over to me.

"Hey Cameron," I said nicely, "I was out, what did you need?" I closed my locker and shifted my pack on my shoulder.

"SAT notes," he smiled innocently at me.

"When is your next free period?" I asked as we walked down the hall.

"After 1st period."

"Oh, me too, you wanna meet in the library?" he smiled down at me.

"Yeah, thanks Sunny," I nodded and we parted ways.

In English I saw Dave watch me. I made my way to my seat and tried to ignore him.

"Is she really sleeping with that bassist guy," Dave's creepy green eyes met me.

"Yes," I answered.

He frowned and turned back, I was through with protecting Normal. Whatever Dave wanted from my information he was going to get.

Instead of regretting my actions; I thought of Cameron. Cameron was in my grade, but I didn't know him too well. I tutored him in 10th grade and on and off for the next year. He was a cool guy; very sweet and polite. I would consider him boyfriend material if I was looking. And, on the plus side, he was cute; shaggy, black hair, dark chocolate colored eyes, big dimples, and a killer smile. He was about the same height as Normal, and had long arms that could wrap around my body twice. I began to feel excited about seeing him next; I could feel the crush forming.