All I Wanted

I sat at the bank of the lake, crying still, sniffling mostly. I couldn't formulate the idea of them, having a baby, in my head. When I did, I sobbed like a maniac. 

I rubbed my calves, trying subside the pain in my legs. I would have to run again...run away. The thought of running away made me feel better.

I looked across the lake, the bonfire was dying down, and I couldn't see the people because of the tears harboring in my lids. I wiped them away and looked up at the moon, I need to get away.

I stood up, wiping the wet sand from my bottom and running my hands in the front of my shorts. I took a deep breath and started walking through the small forest, knowing I would hit the highway toward town.
-

I was led through the back streets of town, and behind the houses once I got to the suburbs. I noticed Mr. McKinney's yard, beside mine, and knew I was home. It took all my strength to hop over the fence, and into my yard. I jumped down, took another deep breath and walked up to my back porch. I unlocked the door, pushed it open, closed it behind me, and locked it again. 

I turned in the kitchen light and made my way to the bathroom, turning on the hall light as well. I walked into the bathroom and noticed how dirty my clothes, face, arms and palms were. I sighed, pulling my tank top off, my shorts and kicking my shoes off.

I jumped into the shower, ignoring the cold water and letting it hit me. I didn't wait for it to warm up, I just stood underneath it. I didn't think, I just became numb and stood there...like an idiot.
-

My cell phone rang loudly, louder than the past few hours. My head ached, from the pills and crying I did last night. I sat up in bed, looking at it ring on my desk. I rolled out of bed, slugging my heavy, bruised legs to it.

I flipped it opened; it was mom, "Hey," I answered tiredly.

"Hey, Mija, how are you?" she sounded cheery.

"Uh...tired," I tried to laugh off; remembering last night.

"Oh, did I wake you?"

I nodded to myself, "Yeah, but it's okay, I should be up anyway."

"Oh, okay, well I was calling to see if you're doing fine."

I swallowed hard, "Just...peachy."

"Are you sick?" she sounded worried.

"A little, but it's just my head."

"I hope you feel better," I rubbed my head.

"Yeah, I will. How's everything over there?"

She sighed happy, "It's so warm, and I have a nice little home near the beach. It's so beautiful, I wish you could see it."

I chuckled lightly, "Me, too."

"Okay," she murmured, "You know I'll be home on Wednesday, right?"

"Yes."

"I love you, Mija, get better."

"Love you, too, ma."

I hung up the phone and sat it back in it's spot. I looked over at the clock; it was read 12 pm. I decided that I would 'runaway' today; I didn't want to see Mikey...Frank or anyone for a while; plus they're leaving tomorrow, so that's good.

I looked up at my mirror, seeing my tired reflection. I swallowed hard, looking up at the little film strip of Frank and I. The tears sprang out, and I snatched the strip; I placed it between my fingers, ready to tear it up, but I stopped. I sobbed harder, putting the strip down.
Why is this happening to me?

I looked back up, wiping my eyes and seeing the strip lying on my desk. I took it and shoved it in the drawer.