All I Wanted

Mikey's POV

I held the envelope in my left palm, and the ring in my other. I held back the tears that ate at me, and put on a brave face. I hate leaving like this, leaving Sunny heart broken, hurt and confused. I could blame it, easily, on Frank, but what use would that do? He already hates himself.

When I met Frank at the shuttle, to drive us to the airport, I didn't break out the letter quick. Sunny gave me instructions to read it while we were all together and alone. The ring, I had to just hand it back to Frank with no explanation. Sunny didn't relay a message to Frank; I don't even think she said his name the entire time, and I don't know if she wrote him his own section in the letter.

"Where is she?" Frank asked as we sat in the back of the airplane shuttle.

"At home," I answered, "she told me to give you this," I pulled the ring from my pocket and gave it to him.

Frank didn't say anything, he just put it in his own.
-

The ride was short and quick. We didn't speak, we just sat in our seats and waited to be taken back to Jersey.

When we arrived, we spotted Gerard, who looked happy to see us. He took us into quick hugs, "How was it?" he asked.

"Don't ask," I mumbled.

Gerard looked confused, "What?"

I shook my head, pulling him along, to get our luggage. Frank didn't say anything, he just followed behind. 

Gerard was still confused when we got to the car. He was probing us, but we didn't say a word.

"Call Toro and Bob, I have something to show you guys." Gerard looked at me, but obliged, without questions. 

We got home, to my and Gerard's place, and I noticed Toro's car in the drive way. I sighed, feeling the thick envelope in my pocket; I never parted with it. We grabbed our luggage and headed inside; smelling food and the TV blaring.

"Hey!" Toro greeted as we walked in.

"Hey," we all responded; emotionless.

"Who died?" Bob asked, from the couch.

"No one," I started with a heavy sigh, "but, uh, I got something to show you all," all eyes were on me, "are we alone?" Gerard, Toro and Bob nodded, "Okay, then just sit." Frank and Gerard sat down, "Sunny wrote us a letter...I don't know what it says, but she told me that we read it in private." I pulled the envelope from my pocket.

They all looked at the distressed letter that lived in my pocket for the past 3 hours. Neatly, on the front, Sunny wrote all of our names, excluding Frank's. Frank just sat back, not saying a word.

"What's it for?" Toro asked.

"She..." I stopped myself, "just read it."

"You all want me, too?" we all nodded to him and I handed it off to him, "Okay..." he tore open the mouth and pulled out the letter, "it's written nicely," he noted, "'To the most wonderful men in the world: I am writing this because it would be a lot harder to tell you this in person. Granted that it'd be to late to explain anything, and the tears would get in the way of time and your trip. I never done this before, so please forgive me if it's all over the place.

This past Friday I learned some hard news. News that made me realize that my ties to you all has driven me insane. I know it sounds harsh, but I am just being honest, and know that I still care deeply for you all. You guys are amazing musicians and amazing friends, boyfriends/husbands; your family is lucky to have you,'," Toro stopped, as Gerard touched his shoulder.

"What happened?" Gerard asked.

"Just keep reading," I said, taking a seat in an armchair.

Toro cleared his throat, "'I'm not dying, it may seem that way, but I haven't gotten so lucky,'," he sighed, "'I am simply writing this to express how much I care about you guys, and that I do not hate you in anyway. I love you guys, you were like family, honestly you were. Alright, so let me start off;

-Gerard: You are one of the greatest artist this world has been graced with. You are a great singer, lyricist, front man, and person, I love you. You are wild, crazy, and give the best hugs; I admire you. If I ever have a son, one day, I hope he will be just like you: Honest, Funny, Caring, Charismatic, Charming, Flamboyant, and Bold. Keep being who you are, and make me fucking proud, Gee!'," Gerard smiled, "'Ray: God, what can I say about you? You make anyone who touches a guitar look like an amateur; you are a legend and a god. Along with amazing talent, you are one of the sweetest and honest men on the earth. You put everything before yourself, like Gee, and you froze your ass off to fix my frumpy relationship, so thank you! Thank you, dude, I love you, and I pray, one of my future offspring can rock like you.," Ray bit at his lip, fighting back emotion, "Anyone else wanna read?" he coughed.

"I'll do it," Gerard said, taking the letter, "Whose next?" He tweaked his lips, "Ah, 'To Bob: You and I have had the smallest interaction. I don't know, maybe because I'm intimidated by you, or that we both are stubborn and weird; I don't know. I really wish we could have hung out more, I really like you, plus we both are born and bred from Chicago. I hope one day we cross paths again, and we aren't too stubborn to say hi. Don't fret, because, I like you, too; you are a kick ass drummer.'," Bob smiled, coursed his hair, "And...'To Frank'," he and I looked at each other as Gerard began to read, "'8 months is a long time. I wish it hadn't been a waste.'," Gerard frowned, "That's it?" Frank didn't move, "What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Frank murmured.

They all looked to him, so I taped Gerard, "Just finish."

He nodded, "'And last but not least Mikey: You have been the greatest friend for the past couple of months. You and I will always have the greatest connection, which makes this hard for me. I'm looking at you now, drumming your fingers along to I Wanna Be Sedated, and smiling. You were the first guy to take your time with me, you got to know me before you rushed into things, you asked me the silliest questions, and you knew exactly where to find me.

You have made me feel selfless, happier, and made me look to the world differently. I don't know how much I could say thank you, but thank you, Mike. I know, deep down inside, always and forever, that you care about me. The stupid little things you notice makes me feel excited for your future wife or girlfriend, they will be in for a treat. I can't express enough how much I am grateful for your driving 3 hours to come and calm me down, you are the greatest. One day, though, Mike, everything will be better. It'll all be good and we can be friends again, we can camp out, play video games and quote Anchorman without looking like weirdos. You must know that I am doing this for our future; our future as friends, that's how much I love you. Please don't hate me for this, I can't express that enough, I love you, dude.

Please, please know that, that I care about you, and I am only doing this for the best. I hate those words, but it's true.'," Gerard stopped and looked up at me, "Is she going to kill herself?"

I shook my head, "No."

"What's this about? Is there more?" Bob asked quickly.

"Yeah," Gerard said, "'Take care of yourself, and I'll try and get in touch when the time is right. And so, I don't know how to end this thing. I don't want to end with a cliche quote, or something cheesy and stupid. I guess, I should express the truth, then right?'," Gerard licked his lips, dry from reading fast, "'I've decided that I should cut off contact with you all; no calls, texts, emails, or letters. I am moving to California, while you are overseas. I'm not going to kill myself, I promise, I just need to get away from Chicago. Don't stress, please, for me, do not stress; I am perfectly fine. Play your fucking hearts out, for me, and be the best damn band you can be. One day, everything will be water under the bridge, trust me. I love you, Sunny.'," Gerard folded the letter, a little disappointment in his voice after.

"What went down?" Bob asked again, "Is her mom alright?"

I nodded, "She just...she needs a break," I explained without spreading the truth.

"She broke up with you?" Toro asked Frank.

He nodded in response.

I wish I could tell, but it hurt to know why she cut us out of her life.