Frank Iero, You Are My Hero

The sick soon come to understand that they live in a different world from that of the well and that the two cannot communicate.
-Jessamyn West, American Author

Mercy felt like she was in a world all on her own. No one understood her, no one knew what it was she was going through. She was constantly getting told ‘I understand’, but they didn’t. It was a front they put on to make her feel better. But it did just the opposite. It made her feel worse. Alone. Shunned. She could no longer be a part of their group, could no longer be one of them. Because she was different.

Three months. That was a long ass time to be laid up in a hospital bed, being pumped with all sorts of medicine. It was a long time to be away from the rest of the world, having no one else other than the people in white lab coats for company. It changed her, affected her in a way that made her see things in a whole new light. And it wasn’t one of those pretty, neon lights that lit up her favorite dress shops. No, it was one of those dark, grungy ones that you see only in creepy situations.

She tried to be happy, tried to go back to how she was. But she couldn’t. Something like having cancer, like finding out that she could never have kids was something that would permanently change a person. And with Mercy, it was a harsh change. She was thrust into realizations that she wasn’t ready to see yet. She wanted to go back to how she was, go back to being naïve. But it wasn’t possible. Nothing seemed possible for her anymore.

The girl felt like she didn’t deserve Frank. She didn’t deserve having friends like she had. They needed someone who was happy, someone who was whole. She was a mere shadow of what she had once been, and she didn’t want to pull them down with her. Mercy could handle everything before. But now…she just felt like she needed to leave. She needed to get away. She needed to make new friends, ones who had no idea about her cancer. Then, she could pretend and no one would know the difference.

Which was why she came up with her plan. She would leave. She would distance herself away from everyone that she knew. It was for the best, despite the fact that it was killing her inside. She wanted a clean break from everyone, but Frank insisted on walking her to the door. Mercy couldn’t bring herself to push him away, to tell him no. This was hard enough as it was, but saying goodbye was going to be worse.

They silently walked up to her apartment, their hands clasped tightly together. She was going to miss his touch, was going to miss him. His kisses, his caresses. Everything about Frank Iero. He was her first love, her only love. And she would never be able to forget that. But this was all for the best. She knew that, despite every bad thing about it. She only hoped that he understood, that he realized what it was she was doing. She hoped that he knew she loved him, with all of her heart, but she couldn’t stand having him go through more pain because of her. That wasn’t worth anything in the world.

She kept her face impassive as they stood outside of her apartment. She told herself not to cry, to not let him see how much this was killing her. It was killing her from the inside out, and she had to fight hard not to break down and envelop him tightly in her arms, never letting go. But she had to. Mercy gave him a sad smile before hugging him. She didn’t hold on long, for if she did, she’d lose all of her resolve.

“Thanks Frankie. I love you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper before she entered her apartment, turning her back on everything. She didn’t even hear him return the sentiment before she shut the door, leaning against it heavily, finally breaking down.

The tears that she had held in for three months finally broke free. They fell down her cheeks in tidal waves, soaking her face with the salty tears. Her breathing came out in ragged sobs as she fell down onto the floor. Her beanie fell off, revealing her bald head. Small, light fuzz was starting to sprout in ragged patches, but she knew that it would take time for her beautiful hair to grow back. Mercy felt like she was breaking in two. A part of her wanted to fling open that door and call Frank back. The other part just wanted to run away.

She lay on the floor for what seemed like hours. The tears wouldn’t stop falling, and she didn’t have the strength to push them back. Her cell phone rang several times, but she didn’t answer it. She couldn’t even sit up, let alone flip open her phone. Anyways, she knew who was calling. One of them. And she couldn’t deal with that. Not now.

Finally, Mercy stood. Her face was bright red, her nose running. She ran the back of her hand across her face, realizing how bad she was shaking. She wearily took herself into her bedroom. She had to get started if she wanted to be out of there before dinner. She wanted to be long gone before they realized that she wasn’t coming, that she would never arrive at the diner for dinner. As fast as she could, she packed her things. She wouldn’t bring everything. Only the necessities. She wouldn’t leave an address. She planned on turning her cell off, getting a new number. If she had to, she would change her name. Something. Anything. She would move far away, somewhere where they wouldn’t expect to find her, where they wouldn’t search for her. As she moved around her bedroom, she had to keep telling herself that she would be strong.

Finally, she was done. It had taken the better part of three hours, because she kept getting tired and had to take breaks. The chemotherapy was hitting her hard, and she hated it. She hated feeling weak, that she needed to stop what she was doing in life for fear of collapsing. It was ridiculous. No person should ever have to go through that.

Mercy put her bags by the front door, then sat on one of the barstools to write a goodbye note. They at least deserved that much. Even if she couldn’t say it to their face, she could write it down. Then, they still wouldn’t be able to stop her. Mercy grabbed her notebook and pen, and instantly began scrawling the note.

Guys,

If you are reading this, that means I’m already gone. You’ve shown up at my apartment when I didn’t come to dinner to find all my things gone, and my person nowhere to be seen. Good. That’s what I want. I don’t want to bring you down anymore. You deserve so much better than what I’m able to give you. Just know that you will always have a place in my heart. Always. I will never forget any of you, or what you’ve done for me the past couple of months. Though most would find some of the memories bad, all I see is the good. You were a light in my darkness. When I thought that my life was going to end, you were there to pick up the pieces and save me. You are my heroes, and for that, I will be forever grateful. But that is also why I must do this. Not only for me, but for the people who I hold so dearly. Please, do not look for me. Do not attempt to get a hold of me. Remember the good times, and continue on with your lives. Please.

Sicily-I know I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known the others, but you deserve something from me too. My love. Because you were my first friend that I’ve had in a long time, besides the guys. You accepted me, took me underneath your wing when I really needed it. You’re insaness kept me on my toes, kept me thinking. And for that, I’m grateful. No other woman could compare to you Sicily. You are truly amazing. Also, be good to Gee. He deserves nothing less.

Ray-You silly man. You made me laugh, even when I didn’t want to. You have this great charm, Mr. Toro. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope that your life is full of happiness. That is all that you deserve. Stay true to yourself, and don’t let others push you down.

Mikey-My Mikes. You were the one who pushed me into believing in myself. You were the one who pushed me into being a better person, in bringing joy to other people’s lives. You’re such an inspirational man, and you are destined to do great things. Without you, I would’ve never been who I am today. Continue to do great things, Mikey. I expect nothing less from you.

Gerard-Gee, you were my best friend through it all. You accepted me, despite the fact that I insulted you at every given opportunity. You understood me like no one else did. Gerard, you are looked up to by thousands of people. You are their hero, their saint. And that’s how I will always see you. Gee, you save lives. You save lives. It’s what you were destined to do. Shit, you saved mine. And I will be forever in your debt. I love you, Gee. Oh, and be good to Sicily. She really likes you.

Bob-My brother. The one person who has always been there. Both literally, and figuratively. I have no idea where I would be without you. You supported me through everything. You were my rock, Bobert. You’re so strong, so amazing. I could never find another man who is as great as you are. Don’t ever change, my love. You are perfect as you are, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Frank-My first and only love. You are a stubborn one, you know that? No matter how many times I told you that I didn’t want anything to do with you, you persisted. You showed me how much I meant to you. No one else has ever done that for me. You will always hold a special place in my heart. No one will ever be able to fill that void except you. I wish that I could stay with you, grow old with you. But for such an amazing and gorgeous man, you need something better than what I am. Promise me that you will find love, that you will remain happy. That’s all I want for you. For you to be happy. I love you, Frank, and I always will.

I’m sorry if this hurts any of you. I swear to you that it is not my intentions. I only want the best for you.

-Mercy

With a flourish, Mercy signed her name then laid down her pen. She stood, sighing heavily. Her blue eyes looked around her apartment once more before turning and leaving, putting the guys of My Chemical Romance into a mere memory.