World So Cold
Relapse
The following week I hardly ever saw anything of Damon. I went to school and went home with Stefan. He was usually the one ‘guarding’ me. At times I’d catch a glimpse of a crow but whenever I turned to fully look it had disappeared. I couldn’t help but keep growing more frustrated with the fact that he was so absent.
Stefan didn’t seem to mind at all. And I knew I couldn’t exactly tell him how I felt. I couldn’t tell him how Damon was either. In Stefan’s mind and seemingly Elena’s, Damon was an epitome of evil. There was nothing good left in him in their minds. He was a monster, needing to be destroyed.
I couldn’t help but feel like that’s what Damon wanted anyway. He wanted to be hated, despised. Even by me. He didn’t want compassion, friendship. I knew that I had felt the same way. Before I came to Fell’s Church and saw Stefan again I was lost.
I was lost in myself and who I was. I had become a monster. It was just easier that way. It was easier to have everyone hate you. That way when you were betrayed, there was no disappointment, no regret. It protected you from becoming hurt.
But it hadn’t been a way to live. I realize that now. Now that I’m with Stefan again, I know what it’s like to have friendship. I could almost feel human. And when Damon told me everything that had happened before, I knew I had been very wrong about him.
I knew he had loved me. He hadn’t stopped. At least, I don’t think he has. If he had I wouldn’t be surprised. There was just something about him, there always was, that made him seem unattainable. That you could never have him or claim him as your own.
And as the week came to a close I found myself missing him. Even after all the games, all the deception, I still couldn’t help but want him.
*********
It was sixth period and I was impatiently waiting for the class to end. There was no point to the classes that I was taking. I was now regretting ever enrolling in school. It was such a bore and the students were completely clueless about anything that was going on.
Then when the bell finally rang I felt a sense of rising distress. Locating it I noticed that it was coming from Elena and two other people. As I moved towards them I felt Stefan’s presence join them felt the small amount of Power he was trying to wield.
Coming around the corner I saw Elena and Stefan attempting to hold a girl away from him. Two other guys were there too along with Alaric. They were unsuccessfully trying to get her to stop attacking Stefan. Her eyes were red with fury as she snarled like an animal.
Quickly I joined them in pulling Vickie off. She was quite strong, stronger than all of them put together. With my help though we managed to get her onto the floor. I began to try and compel her. I was stronger than Stefan, I fed off human blood.
“Vickie, calm down. Relax. It’s all right. Just calm down,” I said in a soothing voice. I felt her start to go relax but neither Stefan nor I loosened our grip. “Good. You’re feeling tired. You can go to sleep now. Just fall asleep.”
She went limp and her eyes fluttered closed. The two guys, Dick and Tyler, backed away along with Alaric. Stefan and Elena stayed with me. I believed Stefan knew not to take a chance that she might snap out of it again and Elena stayed because Stefan did.
Eventually the police arrived and took over. I stepped back along with Stefan. Casting him a glance I knew I was tired. It had taken a lot of Power, more than it should have, to compel her to stay down. I was hungry.
Stefan nodded and I headed out of the school. Damon, I’m going hunting, I said sending the thought out telepathically. I always did that hoping that he’d follow, or show himself. I never did see him but I could feel his gaze.
Stefan didn’t seem to mind at all. And I knew I couldn’t exactly tell him how I felt. I couldn’t tell him how Damon was either. In Stefan’s mind and seemingly Elena’s, Damon was an epitome of evil. There was nothing good left in him in their minds. He was a monster, needing to be destroyed.
I couldn’t help but feel like that’s what Damon wanted anyway. He wanted to be hated, despised. Even by me. He didn’t want compassion, friendship. I knew that I had felt the same way. Before I came to Fell’s Church and saw Stefan again I was lost.
I was lost in myself and who I was. I had become a monster. It was just easier that way. It was easier to have everyone hate you. That way when you were betrayed, there was no disappointment, no regret. It protected you from becoming hurt.
But it hadn’t been a way to live. I realize that now. Now that I’m with Stefan again, I know what it’s like to have friendship. I could almost feel human. And when Damon told me everything that had happened before, I knew I had been very wrong about him.
I knew he had loved me. He hadn’t stopped. At least, I don’t think he has. If he had I wouldn’t be surprised. There was just something about him, there always was, that made him seem unattainable. That you could never have him or claim him as your own.
And as the week came to a close I found myself missing him. Even after all the games, all the deception, I still couldn’t help but want him.
*********
It was sixth period and I was impatiently waiting for the class to end. There was no point to the classes that I was taking. I was now regretting ever enrolling in school. It was such a bore and the students were completely clueless about anything that was going on.
Then when the bell finally rang I felt a sense of rising distress. Locating it I noticed that it was coming from Elena and two other people. As I moved towards them I felt Stefan’s presence join them felt the small amount of Power he was trying to wield.
Coming around the corner I saw Elena and Stefan attempting to hold a girl away from him. Two other guys were there too along with Alaric. They were unsuccessfully trying to get her to stop attacking Stefan. Her eyes were red with fury as she snarled like an animal.
Quickly I joined them in pulling Vickie off. She was quite strong, stronger than all of them put together. With my help though we managed to get her onto the floor. I began to try and compel her. I was stronger than Stefan, I fed off human blood.
“Vickie, calm down. Relax. It’s all right. Just calm down,” I said in a soothing voice. I felt her start to go relax but neither Stefan nor I loosened our grip. “Good. You’re feeling tired. You can go to sleep now. Just fall asleep.”
She went limp and her eyes fluttered closed. The two guys, Dick and Tyler, backed away along with Alaric. Stefan and Elena stayed with me. I believed Stefan knew not to take a chance that she might snap out of it again and Elena stayed because Stefan did.
Eventually the police arrived and took over. I stepped back along with Stefan. Casting him a glance I knew I was tired. It had taken a lot of Power, more than it should have, to compel her to stay down. I was hungry.
Stefan nodded and I headed out of the school. Damon, I’m going hunting, I said sending the thought out telepathically. I always did that hoping that he’d follow, or show himself. I never did see him but I could feel his gaze.