Beauty and the Beast

What the hell had given him the right to speak to me that way? And what the hell had happened since I had last seen him at break to make him that way? I thought things had been going fine, but clearly I was wrong. I sat on my bed, eating ice cream, and thinking about everything that had happened. Not that much had happened; Justin had been in a bad mood, not that that was uncommon, but something seemed off today. I didn’t know what it was but it didn’t stop the uncontrollable anger I felt towards him. I’d walked home after History, and gone straight to my room. Avoiding Justin and Maria and Kayleigh. I couldn’t be bothered with questions or fake apologies, or even worse more arguments. I needed space and time to think.

I’d been sat in my room for over an hour when I felt my phone vibrate. It was Rudy.
“Hey, you wanna come meet me?” I groaned, I didn’t want to leave my bed. Then again it was Rudy. I could always drag myself out of bed for Rudy. So I texted back ‘Sure’ and slipped my shoes on to go and meet him.

I managed to slip out the house without anyone noticing, which made a change. I was curious as to why no one had come to see me, but it just made me think about what Maria and Kayleigh had said to me; not everything was about me. They probably had other things to do than worry about me being in a stress again. It was becoming so common recently I doubt they had even batted and eyelid.

When I arrived at our usual spot Rudy was already there. For once he seemed sober.

“Hey, what’s up? Why did you want to meet?” I smiled as I took my seat next to him. Rudy was like the older brother I never had. I trusted him more than anyone else pretty much and I loved him to pieces.

“Yeah Justin text me, so I decided we needed to have a little talk.” I groaned in response. How dare he talk to MY friends about me? What gave him the right? “Oh don’t look like that. He’s just going through a tough time, he told me about today and about how awful he felt. He’s just stressed out you know. How would you feel moving to a different continent where you know no one and everyone is either set against you or obsessed with you? He never has any time alone and he was just stressed out he didn’t mean to snap at you.” I wanted to scream at Rudy, and that had never happened before, sure there had been times when he’d pissed me off but never like this.

“You don’t know him Rudy. You know nothing about him. You’ve known him what, 2 days? You’ve known me what 10 years? So please do not tell me you are siding with him on this? What is it with you people and choosing him over me huh?” I was at breaking point. I just wanted my life back, my life before Justin.

“Would you please get the fuck over yourself? I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you recently but suddenly you’re acting a lot more like Tiffany than I ever thought possible. The amount of self-importance you have is unreal right now, and everyone has noticed. Even Adam and Ellie were talking about it. And would you please stop acting like a child, I’m not siding with anyone but even if I was, I’d be siding with who I think is right; not who I have known the longest. Justin is having a really tough time of it and he’s been talking to me about it. So would you please listen to me when I say give him a break, he’s a good guy but he’s not coping well. He’s stuck in a rut right now and you need to help him get out of it.” I suddenly felt like a child that had just been scolded by their parents.

I felt my eyes begin to water, and I tried my hardest not to let Rudy see but it was pointless. He had already noticed and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what’s gotten into me recently. I know I’m being stupid and childish, but Justin is so hot and cold with me and I don’t know where I sit with him and it makes me angry and I’m jealous of him. He’s come in here and made all my friends love him and I’m worried I’m going to lose you to him and I know that is stupid but I can’t help it. I’m kind of used to being the centre of attention. I never noticed it before until Justin showed up, I always thought I was one of those people that likes the solitude but recently I’ve noticed how much I actually love attention and I’m trying to change. It’s just not as easy as I thought it would be. And Justin isn’t telling me anything and it is making me frustrated because he snaps at me and treats me like crap and expects me to just accept it and I can’t.” The tears were falling down my face at a rapid pace now and I was unable to control it.

“I know things are tough Lyric, they’re tough for both of you. I think you just need to talk to him and demand he tell you what the hell is going on. I think he’ll tell you if you ask enough. He wants to tell you but he’s scared and doesn’t know how, you need to make him feel like he is able to tell you. He’s a good guy Lyric and you know that. You do not need to be jealous of him, we’ll always love you most, but he’s a cool guy and most of us like having him around, and well the ones who don’t can go fuck themselves.” Rudy smirked. He was trying to cheer me up and I was thankful. He seemed to know more about what was going on with Justin than he was telling me, but I knew Rudy well enough to know not to push anything because he wasn’t the sort of person to tell you things other people had told him and he’d get angry if you tried to pressure him.

“Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.” I wasn’t sure there was much I could do really. If Justin wanted to tell me I was sure he would, it’s not like I was unapproachable. What did he have to be scared of anyway? It’s not like I’d do something like dye his hair again; the green had mostly gone, but you could still see a hint of it underneath his hair dye.

I sat with Rudy for hours after that. We talked about everything we could think of. It was nice to have some time alone with him. I hadn’t had a chance to speak with just him in weeks. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him sober in years though and it was nice. Really nice and I told him so, but I’m not sure he agreed. He wasn’t an alcoholic or anything, he just smoked a whole lot of weed, and it didn’t really bother me. It was just nice for him to be sober once and a while. I kinda wished he’s lay off the drugs because Rudy was smart. I mean he was really smart when it came to maths and science and engineering and stuff. If he wasn’t such a pot head he could have gone to one of the best universities in the country and got a degree in whatever the hell he wanted, but that wasn’t what he wanted and I had to respect that. Just because it was what I wanted for him doesn’t mean it was what he wanted for him. Something I learned about Rudy pretty early on in our friendship was that Rudy didn’t always want what was ‘best’ sometimes he just wanted the simpler side. Not that being a druggie was simple, but it was simple to him and it was what he wanted so I just left him be. Well, most the time anyway.

“I really should be going if you want me to have that conversation with Justin.” I got up and wiped the dirt off my arse. We’d been sat on the floor underneath the tree outside the old park. No one came here anymore, none of the parts worked and it was too far out the way for most kids to be allowed here, so mostly we were left alone when we were here.

“You really should, call or text when you have sorted everything out!” He said as he hugged me goodbye. I didn’t want to go but I knew if I didn’t go and sort things out now then I wouldn’t have a chance before tomorrow and I didn’t really want to have to ride to school with him while we weren’t talking. I waved goodbye and began the short walk back to my house. Where Justin would be. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to face him and apologise, I was kind of stubborn like that, but like Rudy had said I’d become too self-absorbed and I needed to fix that. I needed to make things right. Not just for me but for everyone. I wasn’t looking forward to this.