Let Me In

Hey there it’s good to see you again

I pushed the black and pink stroller through the almost empty mall with Jen, my cousin, by my side. I finally had a day off from the firm I worked at as a receptionist, because they hired a second one. Jen had insisted that we come to the mall so she could buy me some stuff for my birthday the following week.

We walked into American Eagle, and she was instantly picking up sweaters and tops for me to try on. I chuckled at her enthusiasm, and glanced down at a sleeping Molly. She was cuddled under her pink polka-dotted blanket, and still held her pacifier in her small mouth. Her light hair was barely visible under the hood of her small gray shirt, and her blue eyes were concealed behind her eyelids.

“Now go try all of this on,” Jen said thrusting a pile into my arms, “I’ll keep little Molly.”

I nodded and let go of the stroller, walking back into the dressing room. She had found me the best sweaters, and I instantly fell in love with the last one I tried on. It was black, and not too heavy, with an off shoulder cut. What made it even more appealing was that you could see the handprint tattoo under the left side of my collarbone.

“Find any you like?” Jen asked as I exited the fitting rooms a few minutes later.

“That plum party dress and off-the shoulder sweater were my favorites,” I said holding them up, “The other’s were nice too, but these two were amazing.”

“Happy birthday then!” she said snagging them from me and walking to the register.

I laughed at her, and peaked into the stroller to check on Molly. I noticed she was starting to wake up, and new that she was due for a feeding and changing soon. I followed Jen out of the store, and suggested that we go to the Food Court to eat. She happily obliged, stating she had forgotten to eat breakfast.

“I’ll go get us our normal from Sarku, and you can start feeding Molly,” Jen said as we arrived at the table.

“At least let me give you money,” I said grabbing for my purse.

“Nope, no way,” she said backing away, “I’m spoiling you for your birthday today, no if’s and’s or but’s about it.”

“Thanks Jen,” I said with a smile before grabbing the brown and pink diaper bag from under the stroller.

Her bottles were premade in the insulated pockets, so all I had to do was make sure it was still mixed well. I placed the bottle on the table, before scooping Molly into my arms, and calming her as she began to fuss. I rocked her a little, which made her calm down, and grabbed the bottle placing it in her tiny mouth. She started sucking on it slowly, and I couldn’t help but to stare at her in awe.

Even on the worst of days, I couldn’t help but to smile whenever I saw her. She was a generally happy baby, and super expressive. Her blonde hair was always sticking every direction, no matter how many times I would comb it and put bows in it.

Molly was only about halfway done with her bottle when Jen returned with our food, so I balanced her in one arm while eating with the other.

“We need to get you out on the market again,” Jen said randomly, startling me.

“If you haven’t noticed I have a 4 month old daughter, and no one to babysit,” I said shooting her a look, “Plus, we’ve talk about this before. I still have half of my heart in Arizona. It’s going to be a long time before I can move on.”

“You know I would babysit her in a heart beat,” she said with a ‘duh’ tone, “And I know. I just don’t like seeing you this lonely.”

“I know,” I said quietly, before placing Molly up on my shoulder to burp her.

We talked very little throughout the rest of lunch, and I kept mulling over everything she had said to me. I really did need to move on, but my main priority was making sure Molly was raised right.

“I’m going to change her real quick, and then we can finish shopping,” I said hoisting the diaper bag onto my shoulder and standing up balancing Molly on my hip.

She nodded in response, and I walked through the food court to the bathrooms. I was so busy cooing at Molly, that I didn’t even hear someone saying my name from a distance. When I finally heard the person, I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face them. When I locked eyes with them, my heart completely stopped.

“John,” I breathed out finding my voice, “What are you doing here?”

“We have a show tonight,” he said approaching me, “And who’s this cutie?”

“This is my daughter, Molly,” I said earning a weird look from him.

“Is she…?” he asked trailing off before mentioning Josh’s name.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly and quietly, “It’s his or Brady’s.”

“He still misses you, you know,” John said breaking our short silence, “You should come see us at Chain tonight. I can put you on the guess list since it’s sold out.”

“I miss him too, honestly,” I said sighing, “And I’ll try to come, I just have to find someone to watch her.”

“I really hope you can make it,” he said before glancing at his watch, “Well I have to get back to the van. It was good seeing you Payton.”

“You too John,” I said accepting his short hug.

He turned and walk back in the direction he had come from, and I continued into the bathroom. I changed Molly quickly, and went back to find Jen staring off into space.

“Did you hand make the diaper or what?” she said standing up from her seat.

“I ran into an old friend,” I said strapping Molly into the stroller.

“You aren’t from here though,” she said with a confused expression.

“He was Josh’s bandmate and one of my friends,” I said as we started walking, “He told me he’d put me on the guestlist at the show tonight, and that Josh misses me still. I don’t know if I can.”

“Well I’ll have Molly, so you have no excuse to not go!” she said as we walked into a shoe store, “Now let’s make sure you have the perfect outfit to stop his heart.”

I laughed at her enthusiasm, and could feel the anticipation slowly building inside of me. I would finally face the man I loved for the first time in over a year.