‹ Prequel: Papercut
Let Me In
She Is Love
I've been beaten down
I've been kicked around
But she takes it all for me
And I lost my faith
In my darkest days
But she makes me want to believe
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the doctors office, and checked my phone as I put the car in park. Today was the day that I had been dreading since Josh left a week ago. We were getting a paternity test done, and I was more then nervous. He informed me that he was waiting for us outside, and I turned the car off instantly.
Since Josh had left exactly a week ago, there hadn’t been a day where I hadn’t talked to him. He would text me throughout the day, and called me almost every night after he had met the fans. He always asked about Molly, and I could always hear the smile in his voice when he did so.
I tossed my phone into my oversized purse, which was doubling as a diaper bag for the day, and hoisted it up on my shoulder before exiting my small car. I opened the back door, and grabbed Molly out, car seat and all. She was still cuddled up under her blanket, and I was thankful because a cold breeze gusted around us.
Josh was sat with his foot balanced on his knee on the bench by the door, and hopped up as soon as he saw us approaching. His dark skinny jeans clung to his legs, and his light blue button up was barely visible under his black pea coat.
“Hey Payton,” he said with a short hug and a kiss to my cheek, “And hello miss Molly.”
He bent down to her carrier, and kissed her forehead, before offering to carry it for me. I let him, and we made our way into the office that was buzzing with people. We stood in the surprisingly short check-in line, and I glanced at Josh who was all smiles while cooing at Molly.
When we were called up, I slid my insurance card over to the lady who smiled at me as she looked at Molly.
“You two have an absolutely gorgeous little girl,” she said sliding me my card back.
“Uhm, we’re actually here to see if he’s the father for sure,” I said casting my eyes down.
She nodded, and said a quick apology, before telling me my co-pay and running my debit card through. I signed the receipt and she handed me the papers while telling me which wing to head to.
“Best of luck to you,” she said to Josh as we went to leave.
“Thank you,” he said readjusting the carrier and following me to Family Medicine East.
We walked down the empty hallway, and into the quiet waiting room. Josh found a seat by the windows, and had Molly out of her carrier in seconds. I placed the paperwork in the tray, and informed the nurse behind the counter of the paperwork I would be needing. She handed it to me, along with a pen and clipboard, and I went and sat next to Josh.
He bounced Molly on his knee, and babbled with her as I filled out all of the necessary information. I filled out the information I knew about Josh, and asked him for the rest. When everything had been initialed and signed, I took the papers back up, and went back to wait to be called in.
“Payton Mesko?” a nurse asked walking out about five minutes later.
Josh and I stood up, and she smiled walking towards us a little more. Josh still had Molly balanced in his arms, and I grabbed the empty carrier. We followed the nurse into the room, where she explained the procedure to us. She grabbed two swabs from the supply cabinet, and swabbed the inside of Josh’s cheek. She capped it, and did the same thing to Molly, which made her fussy.
“I’ll send these to the lab right away, and you’ll get a call about the results in three to five days,” the nurse said typing something on the computer, “They’ll have you come in, and you’ll be given a copy of the physical results. I also see that Molly is due for a few shots, would you like to do those now?”
“Thank you,” I said as she quit talking, “And yeah, we can do those real quick.”
She nodded, grabbing the envelope with the swabs in it, before exiting the room, and closing the door behind her.
“What day do you leave again?” I asked Josh who still held Molly.
“In a week,” he said looking up from her, “Thanks again for letting me stay at your place.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I said smiling, “I hate when Molly gets shots, she always gets so fussy.”
“Instead of the lunch we have planned I could just swing by Chipotle and pick it up so we could eat at the apartment,” he suggested as we heard a knock at the door.
“That sounds perfect,” I said as the nurse walked back in with the shots.
Molly was wearing a denim skirt with leggings, so I slid the leggings down for the nurse. She prepped the needle, and Molly wailed as the needle plunged into her tiny leg. When it was done, the nurse put a bright pink band-aid on the spot she took the needle out of. She did the same thing with the other leg, and I winced as Molly kept crying.
“You may want to give her some baby Tylenol in order to calm her down and help with the pain she’s feeling,” the nurse said as she dumped the needles in the biohazard container.
I nodded and thanked her before pulling the leggings back up. Molly was still fussing, and I rocked her back in forth gently while cooing at her. Her tears stopped, but they had caused her to have hiccups. I patted her back soothingly and walked out of the small room, followed by Josh who was toting the carrier.
We stopped in the waiting room and I tucked her into the carrier, securing the blanket around her. Josh carried the carseat out of the office, and I smiled at the help he was giving me. When we got to the car, I showed him how to correctly secure her seat in place, and he smiled widely when he got it right.
“I’ll run by Walgreens and get her some Tylenol while you get us lunch,” I said pulling my cardigan around me tightly.
“Okay, do you still get the same thing?” he said shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
“Yeah,” I said with a smile, “I’m surprised you remember my order.”
“We went to Chipotle a lot in high school,” he said chuckling, “I’ll see you soon.”
I nodded, and gave him a quick hug before ducking into my car, and watching him walk to his rental. I checked the rearview mirror, and saw Molly already nodding off, and smiled as I pulled out of my spot.
========
I ended pulling into the parking lot right before Josh, and waited with Molly on my hip as he got our lunch out of his car. He had a duffel with him as well, and followed me up the stairs to the apartment. He took my keys from me, and unlocked the door so I could balance Molly.
“Do you mind holding her while I get her lunch ready?” I asked Josh as he set everything on the kitchen table.
“Of course not,” he said happily and snatching Molly from my arms.
I smiled at their interaction, and opened the cupboard that held Molly’s baby food. I grabbed a container of pureed carrots, and grabbed one of her spoons from the silverware drawer. I grabbed a bib from the drawer next to the fridge, and walked over to where she was sitting on Josh’s lap. I slid her highchair next to the table, and Josh placed her in it, much to her protest.
“Baby food is so disgusting,” Josh said eyeing the carrots.
“Just be glad you don’t have to occasionally try it to make her eat,” I said agreeing with him, “But she still loves it, so that’s a good thing.”
Josh and I shared casual conversation while I fed Molly, and took a few bites of my bowl in between spoon fulls. When Josh had finished most of his bowl, he took over feeding duties and let me eat my bowl. I thanked him as he finished feeding her, and cleaned up her face. I cleaned up the trash from our lunch, and wiped up the highchair. I put it back in its place, and got some of the medicine to give Molly.
“Wanna learn how to change a diaper?” I asked Josh as he gently rocked Molly.
“Sure, why not,” he said standing up and following me to her nursery.
He set her down on the changing table, and I walked him through all of the steps. He did it with ease, and even put her into her white pajama’s with animals on them. I leaned against the dresser, as Josh rocked her to sleep, and placed her into the crib tucking her in.
He turned around, and quietly followed me out of the room so we wouldn’t wake her up. We left her door open only a crack, and I decided to change into a pair of yoga pants. I told Josh he could bring his duffel into the room, and he went to retrieve it.
Once we were both in our comfortable clothes, we cuddled under a blanket and put in an 80’s classic.
“Thank you for telling me about Molly when you did, Payton,” Josh said out of nowhere.
“You had the right to know,” I said glancing at him.
“But you told me at the time I needed it most,” he said turning his body towards me, “I was a recovering alcoholic, and definitely a whore. When you told me she might be mine, I knew I had to change my lifestyle. I’ve had one drink this past week, and it was for Brian’s birthday. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since Wednesday, and I don’t plan on picking one up again.
“That little girl in there is saving my life, Payton. And so are you. Thank you.”
I bit my lip, taking everything he said in, and couldn’t find my voice. I kissed his cheek, showing him that I meant “you’re welcome”, and brushed his thumb against my cheekbone.
Before I even knew what was happening, I had Josh’s soft lips on mine. The butterflies that hadn’t been in my stomach for months were back, and I couldn’t help but to pull him closer. He smiled into the kiss, and ended it shortly after with another quick peck.
We spent the rest of the night curled up under the blanket together watching John Hughes movies. Occasionally he would sneak a kiss in, and I could feel my stomach flutter everytime.
I've been kicked around
But she takes it all for me
And I lost my faith
In my darkest days
But she makes me want to believe
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the doctors office, and checked my phone as I put the car in park. Today was the day that I had been dreading since Josh left a week ago. We were getting a paternity test done, and I was more then nervous. He informed me that he was waiting for us outside, and I turned the car off instantly.
Since Josh had left exactly a week ago, there hadn’t been a day where I hadn’t talked to him. He would text me throughout the day, and called me almost every night after he had met the fans. He always asked about Molly, and I could always hear the smile in his voice when he did so.
I tossed my phone into my oversized purse, which was doubling as a diaper bag for the day, and hoisted it up on my shoulder before exiting my small car. I opened the back door, and grabbed Molly out, car seat and all. She was still cuddled up under her blanket, and I was thankful because a cold breeze gusted around us.
Josh was sat with his foot balanced on his knee on the bench by the door, and hopped up as soon as he saw us approaching. His dark skinny jeans clung to his legs, and his light blue button up was barely visible under his black pea coat.
“Hey Payton,” he said with a short hug and a kiss to my cheek, “And hello miss Molly.”
He bent down to her carrier, and kissed her forehead, before offering to carry it for me. I let him, and we made our way into the office that was buzzing with people. We stood in the surprisingly short check-in line, and I glanced at Josh who was all smiles while cooing at Molly.
When we were called up, I slid my insurance card over to the lady who smiled at me as she looked at Molly.
“You two have an absolutely gorgeous little girl,” she said sliding me my card back.
“Uhm, we’re actually here to see if he’s the father for sure,” I said casting my eyes down.
She nodded, and said a quick apology, before telling me my co-pay and running my debit card through. I signed the receipt and she handed me the papers while telling me which wing to head to.
“Best of luck to you,” she said to Josh as we went to leave.
“Thank you,” he said readjusting the carrier and following me to Family Medicine East.
We walked down the empty hallway, and into the quiet waiting room. Josh found a seat by the windows, and had Molly out of her carrier in seconds. I placed the paperwork in the tray, and informed the nurse behind the counter of the paperwork I would be needing. She handed it to me, along with a pen and clipboard, and I went and sat next to Josh.
He bounced Molly on his knee, and babbled with her as I filled out all of the necessary information. I filled out the information I knew about Josh, and asked him for the rest. When everything had been initialed and signed, I took the papers back up, and went back to wait to be called in.
“Payton Mesko?” a nurse asked walking out about five minutes later.
Josh and I stood up, and she smiled walking towards us a little more. Josh still had Molly balanced in his arms, and I grabbed the empty carrier. We followed the nurse into the room, where she explained the procedure to us. She grabbed two swabs from the supply cabinet, and swabbed the inside of Josh’s cheek. She capped it, and did the same thing to Molly, which made her fussy.
“I’ll send these to the lab right away, and you’ll get a call about the results in three to five days,” the nurse said typing something on the computer, “They’ll have you come in, and you’ll be given a copy of the physical results. I also see that Molly is due for a few shots, would you like to do those now?”
“Thank you,” I said as she quit talking, “And yeah, we can do those real quick.”
She nodded, grabbing the envelope with the swabs in it, before exiting the room, and closing the door behind her.
“What day do you leave again?” I asked Josh who still held Molly.
“In a week,” he said looking up from her, “Thanks again for letting me stay at your place.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I said smiling, “I hate when Molly gets shots, she always gets so fussy.”
“Instead of the lunch we have planned I could just swing by Chipotle and pick it up so we could eat at the apartment,” he suggested as we heard a knock at the door.
“That sounds perfect,” I said as the nurse walked back in with the shots.
Molly was wearing a denim skirt with leggings, so I slid the leggings down for the nurse. She prepped the needle, and Molly wailed as the needle plunged into her tiny leg. When it was done, the nurse put a bright pink band-aid on the spot she took the needle out of. She did the same thing with the other leg, and I winced as Molly kept crying.
“You may want to give her some baby Tylenol in order to calm her down and help with the pain she’s feeling,” the nurse said as she dumped the needles in the biohazard container.
I nodded and thanked her before pulling the leggings back up. Molly was still fussing, and I rocked her back in forth gently while cooing at her. Her tears stopped, but they had caused her to have hiccups. I patted her back soothingly and walked out of the small room, followed by Josh who was toting the carrier.
We stopped in the waiting room and I tucked her into the carrier, securing the blanket around her. Josh carried the carseat out of the office, and I smiled at the help he was giving me. When we got to the car, I showed him how to correctly secure her seat in place, and he smiled widely when he got it right.
“I’ll run by Walgreens and get her some Tylenol while you get us lunch,” I said pulling my cardigan around me tightly.
“Okay, do you still get the same thing?” he said shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
“Yeah,” I said with a smile, “I’m surprised you remember my order.”
“We went to Chipotle a lot in high school,” he said chuckling, “I’ll see you soon.”
I nodded, and gave him a quick hug before ducking into my car, and watching him walk to his rental. I checked the rearview mirror, and saw Molly already nodding off, and smiled as I pulled out of my spot.
========
I ended pulling into the parking lot right before Josh, and waited with Molly on my hip as he got our lunch out of his car. He had a duffel with him as well, and followed me up the stairs to the apartment. He took my keys from me, and unlocked the door so I could balance Molly.
“Do you mind holding her while I get her lunch ready?” I asked Josh as he set everything on the kitchen table.
“Of course not,” he said happily and snatching Molly from my arms.
I smiled at their interaction, and opened the cupboard that held Molly’s baby food. I grabbed a container of pureed carrots, and grabbed one of her spoons from the silverware drawer. I grabbed a bib from the drawer next to the fridge, and walked over to where she was sitting on Josh’s lap. I slid her highchair next to the table, and Josh placed her in it, much to her protest.
“Baby food is so disgusting,” Josh said eyeing the carrots.
“Just be glad you don’t have to occasionally try it to make her eat,” I said agreeing with him, “But she still loves it, so that’s a good thing.”
Josh and I shared casual conversation while I fed Molly, and took a few bites of my bowl in between spoon fulls. When Josh had finished most of his bowl, he took over feeding duties and let me eat my bowl. I thanked him as he finished feeding her, and cleaned up her face. I cleaned up the trash from our lunch, and wiped up the highchair. I put it back in its place, and got some of the medicine to give Molly.
“Wanna learn how to change a diaper?” I asked Josh as he gently rocked Molly.
“Sure, why not,” he said standing up and following me to her nursery.
He set her down on the changing table, and I walked him through all of the steps. He did it with ease, and even put her into her white pajama’s with animals on them. I leaned against the dresser, as Josh rocked her to sleep, and placed her into the crib tucking her in.
He turned around, and quietly followed me out of the room so we wouldn’t wake her up. We left her door open only a crack, and I decided to change into a pair of yoga pants. I told Josh he could bring his duffel into the room, and he went to retrieve it.
Once we were both in our comfortable clothes, we cuddled under a blanket and put in an 80’s classic.
“Thank you for telling me about Molly when you did, Payton,” Josh said out of nowhere.
“You had the right to know,” I said glancing at him.
“But you told me at the time I needed it most,” he said turning his body towards me, “I was a recovering alcoholic, and definitely a whore. When you told me she might be mine, I knew I had to change my lifestyle. I’ve had one drink this past week, and it was for Brian’s birthday. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since Wednesday, and I don’t plan on picking one up again.
“That little girl in there is saving my life, Payton. And so are you. Thank you.”
I bit my lip, taking everything he said in, and couldn’t find my voice. I kissed his cheek, showing him that I meant “you’re welcome”, and brushed his thumb against my cheekbone.
Before I even knew what was happening, I had Josh’s soft lips on mine. The butterflies that hadn’t been in my stomach for months were back, and I couldn’t help but to pull him closer. He smiled into the kiss, and ended it shortly after with another quick peck.
We spent the rest of the night curled up under the blanket together watching John Hughes movies. Occasionally he would sneak a kiss in, and I could feel my stomach flutter everytime.