Forever.

“How do I live without the ones I love?” Matt sang quietly, his beautiful voice flooding through the studio. His eyes closed as he continued to sing the chorus, even from my seat next to Johnny on the sofa I could see the tear that escaped his eye.

A squeeze on my hand brought me out of my daze, I looked over at my boyfriend and smile.

The pained smile crept its way onto his face as he pecked me on the check, his thumb stroking my hand. I sighed and cuddled up to his side.

“You alright babe?”

He nodded, his arm wrapping around my waist. He looked over at Matt who muttered something and stormed out of the room, Val getting quickly getting to her feet and heading after her husband. Poor Matt, he still felt this raw sadness over Jimmy’s passing.

His passing was all so sudden, it was such a shock to everyone. The day before his death he’d been normal Jimmy, cracking jokes, acting crazy. Everyone deals with the loss of a loved differently, and I guess Matt’s way was to bottle everything up, much to Val’s distress.

She didn’t know how to help Matt, and it frustrated her. All she could do was comfort him when he got upset or angry, she couldn’t figure it out because he wouldn’t tell her exactly how he felt. Everyone had been so supportive over the past few months, the fans, the other bands, friends and family.

Sometimes the guys would sit and reminisce about the good times they’d shared with Jimmy, some of the memories were hilarious. Like the time they went to the park and he found this massive duck and proceeded to chase it around like a loony. Even though he was totally bonkers, no one would ever change him.

He completed people.

I was grateful that Brian had shared his feelings with me, I was grateful for it. It tore me apart when I could hear his cries at night, the painful memories.

“Whoa! Earth to Rose!” Brian chuckled, looking down at me. I smiled widely and shook my head as he pulled me to my feet. “Come on, it's time to go home.”

My eyes widened, “you’re done already?”

He nodded, still smiling at me.

“Yeah,” he muttered, his lips on my hair. “You zoned out the entire time, and besides we need to go over to Zack’s place later.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his broad neck. When I looked into his eyes, I could see that the smile didn’t go all the way up, like it usually did. Recently he’d been faking smiles and laughter just to make me feel better and I hated it.

He didn’t need to hide his emotions in front of me. We had been through too much shit in the place for that to happen all over again. It’s amazing that someone you love can hide something from you after years of being with them.

I personally didn’t like all the macho bullshit.

“You can talk to me you know, how many times have I told you that.” I whispered, my hand on his arms as he went to leave. He sighed and turned to look at me, his tough exterior beginning to crack.

He chuckled and pulled me into a hug, “only about a hundred and two.”

“Still hasn’t gotten through that thick skull of yours then.” I giggled, smiling up at him.

He shook his head, leaning down to kiss me. I grinned and pulled away when he began to get a little too excited.

“Guess you’re just gonna have to keep reminding me then.” He chuckled, the twinkle returning in his coffee coloured eyes.

“Guess so babe.”

***

I woke up in the king bed, alone. I sat up in the dark room and sighed, raking a hand through my already messy hair.

Waking up alone wasn’t unusual, sometimes Brian would wake up in the middle of the night and disappear off downstairs. He knew he needed time with his thoughts, but his recent behaviour was honestly beginning to scare me.

I threw on Brian’s t-shirt and got to my feet, disturbing Pinkly. She huffed loudly and looked up at me with big, sad eyes when I petted her and left the room.

The stairs creaked loudly as I tip toed downstairs, hoping not to annoy Brian any more than he already was. I could see the glare of the light from the cinema room from the crack in the doorframe, I could almost make Brian’s figure out.

“Memories again?” I asked as I stepped into the room.

He sighed loudly and switching the TV off when I sat down beside him, placing a hand on his bare thigh. He attempted to smile as I cuddled up to his side and pecked his jaw, doing my best to comfort him as his girlfriend.

“No, I just don’t know how to feel anymore, Rose,” he admitted, wrapping his arms around my waist. His fingers touching the bare skin on my hips causing Goosebumps to explode across my skin. “I feel numb, I can’t even get my head around it.”

I shook my head, he was wrong. He could get through this, I would do my upmost best to make sure that happened. That he didn’t need to feel some sort of burden anymore. Brian had been the rock of the group.

Talking about everyone’s feelings bar his own.

“No one expects you to Bri, they just want to see you happy. No one is judging you.” I whispered a reply as I rested my head on his chest.

He voice became hoarse as he spoke, “I feel like I’ve let Jimmy down though Rose, and it’s killing me.”

I tutted loudly and grabbed his face, my eyes searching his, “Don’t be so fucking stupid, you never let Jimmy down before and you still haven’t. I don’t know where we’d be without you, emotional wrecks probably.”

“You think?”

I smiled and kissed him, “I know so. You’re his best friend, he depended on you and the thing he’d want most is for you and the guys to be happy.”

“Thank you babe.”

It was silent from there on in, all the words that needed to be spoken, said. We just spend the time enjoying each other’s company, our thoughts of Jimmy racing through our minds.

It made my heart swell when I realised that he had finally been honest and opened up to me.

It made me realise just how much trust and love we had for each other.

“Wherever Jimmy is, I know he’s going to be watching over us forever,” I smiled. “I can feel it in my bones.”