Sequel: Starting Forever. ›
Status: Complete.
Fate Keeps Loathing.
Unsure.
The next day was Christmas eve and for the most part the day went by slowly. I helped my mom around the house, do some cooking and start the Christmas dinner. That took up most of the morning and part of the afternoon. By the time dinner came around I was tired.
Flunking down on my bed I felt my feelings mix. I kept quiet until his figure climbed through the window. I looked up at him with glassy eyes. He shut the window and turned around smiling widely soon turned into worry. “What's the matter love?” he asked sitting down right beside me. I tired my best to hold back my tears. “I don't know what to do” I cried into his open arms. “Don't know what to do what?” he asked I could tell by the way he said it his brain scrambled around trying to figure out an answer. “I don't know if I want to be a vampire” I sobbed out. He didn't comment, or move for that matter. I looked up to see his eyes glued to the floor. “I mean, I do because I want to be with you, for like..Ever but at the same time. I don't think I can just leave them behind” I clenched my teeth getting angry. I was torn in two. I loved my parents, they were my only real family. Since I had no other siblings and my aunts and uncles never had any kids I was always just the kid everyone knew. I always got more than enough gifts for Christmas's and birthdays. I never had to share because I never had anyone to share with. It was just me and them and ever since I had started dating Jimmy I found I became part of another family, even though this family dark human blood, weren't human themselves anymore and could do a bunch of other weird unnatural things, they took me in like I belonged with them. And that was a reason I loved them like family.
I cried silently. For the first time I felt horrible, for wanting to become something I would leave my natural family behind with yet not wanting to become what my other family wanted me to, for me to be with them forever, instead of getting old and rotting away.
“What do I do Jimmy?” I finally asked. He slowly looked up to me. “Just last night my mom got all emotional because next year I wouldn't be around for Christmas, what do I do? If you end up turning me, I might not be able to control myself around them. I don't want to have them for Christmas dinner!!” I freaked out.
“Emily calm the hell down, just relax” he placed his hands on my shoulders. “Then what do I do?!” I cried. Why hadn't I thought about this earlier? I was so selfish.
“I don't know what you do” He spoke. “Either way though, I will support your decision” he spoke calmly. I made a face. “You won't want me in 10, 20, 50 years when I'm older than you, and ugly and dying!” I screeched. He gave me an annoyed look. “How do you really know that, I'll love you no matter what, Emily” he spoke. I pouted. “I'm not ready” I admitted. “That's good because neither am I” he spoke. “You'll know when you're really ready, remember I'm not forcing you to become this, it really isn't worth it” he soft spoke. “How is that, you get to live forever, you can do pretty much whatever you like even though you can't let people know” I snapped. “You never get old, you never die and you never have to stay in one place forever”
“Yes, that's all true but do you know how hard it takes to control yourself, if I had a choice right now, you'd be lying in my arms dead, that's only if I didn't learn how to live amongst the living” he spoke lowly. “I don't want you to make this mistake, this isn't something that later in time you can just not want anymore, I am only the way I am because... because I was young, stupid and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time” he darkly spoke. “I was in some dark ally when it happened, this group of guys cornered me and of course at the time I thought I could fight them off, they didn't look too tough, but I was wrong, they weren't human, I found that out too late. My fate was set for me that night only because I had a fight with my old man, he got pissed because I had lost my job and I got pissed because I felt that he shouldn't had relied on me so much to support our family of five. Emily you don't understand, I could hear their cries as they buried me, their only son, six feet under. It took me days to re-dig myself out of my own fucking grave and start to get what I was. It took me at least ten years before I could go out in public and I couldn't even last out that long” he spilled out his life story.
I didn't move, make a noise or even breath for the longest time. My head stayed low, my eyes watched my hand upon his as we sat their in silence on my bed. “Do you really want your parents to suffer like that?” he asked quietly. I shook my head. “No, of course not but my stories different Jimmy, at that time you'd never thought of running into me, of course I wasn't alive then but still. Never in my life have I thought I'd come face to face with a person I love so much. I only thought this shit was in fairy tales and Walt Disney movies. I love you and I want nothing else but to be with you and I know I'm not ready, but like you said, I have time. I still, do need to live, but I know I can't do that without you, maybe by next year things will be different, maybe I can learn how to control myself and as far as the aging thing goes... I'll have to leave home sometime...as of when, its not now” I spoke looking him dead in the eyes. He nodded. “Its not going to easy love” he spoke his free hand touching my cheek whipping the stray tears away. “No one said life was” I added. He smiled. “Even without a heartbeat it still hurts” He leaned forward and closed the space between us kissing me passionately on the lips. Love wasn't ever an issue. Commitment though, something we both had to work on. I was emotion confused and I needed a solid rock to be my support.
Flunking down on my bed I felt my feelings mix. I kept quiet until his figure climbed through the window. I looked up at him with glassy eyes. He shut the window and turned around smiling widely soon turned into worry. “What's the matter love?” he asked sitting down right beside me. I tired my best to hold back my tears. “I don't know what to do” I cried into his open arms. “Don't know what to do what?” he asked I could tell by the way he said it his brain scrambled around trying to figure out an answer. “I don't know if I want to be a vampire” I sobbed out. He didn't comment, or move for that matter. I looked up to see his eyes glued to the floor. “I mean, I do because I want to be with you, for like..Ever but at the same time. I don't think I can just leave them behind” I clenched my teeth getting angry. I was torn in two. I loved my parents, they were my only real family. Since I had no other siblings and my aunts and uncles never had any kids I was always just the kid everyone knew. I always got more than enough gifts for Christmas's and birthdays. I never had to share because I never had anyone to share with. It was just me and them and ever since I had started dating Jimmy I found I became part of another family, even though this family dark human blood, weren't human themselves anymore and could do a bunch of other weird unnatural things, they took me in like I belonged with them. And that was a reason I loved them like family.
I cried silently. For the first time I felt horrible, for wanting to become something I would leave my natural family behind with yet not wanting to become what my other family wanted me to, for me to be with them forever, instead of getting old and rotting away.
“What do I do Jimmy?” I finally asked. He slowly looked up to me. “Just last night my mom got all emotional because next year I wouldn't be around for Christmas, what do I do? If you end up turning me, I might not be able to control myself around them. I don't want to have them for Christmas dinner!!” I freaked out.
“Emily calm the hell down, just relax” he placed his hands on my shoulders. “Then what do I do?!” I cried. Why hadn't I thought about this earlier? I was so selfish.
“I don't know what you do” He spoke. “Either way though, I will support your decision” he spoke calmly. I made a face. “You won't want me in 10, 20, 50 years when I'm older than you, and ugly and dying!” I screeched. He gave me an annoyed look. “How do you really know that, I'll love you no matter what, Emily” he spoke. I pouted. “I'm not ready” I admitted. “That's good because neither am I” he spoke. “You'll know when you're really ready, remember I'm not forcing you to become this, it really isn't worth it” he soft spoke. “How is that, you get to live forever, you can do pretty much whatever you like even though you can't let people know” I snapped. “You never get old, you never die and you never have to stay in one place forever”
“Yes, that's all true but do you know how hard it takes to control yourself, if I had a choice right now, you'd be lying in my arms dead, that's only if I didn't learn how to live amongst the living” he spoke lowly. “I don't want you to make this mistake, this isn't something that later in time you can just not want anymore, I am only the way I am because... because I was young, stupid and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time” he darkly spoke. “I was in some dark ally when it happened, this group of guys cornered me and of course at the time I thought I could fight them off, they didn't look too tough, but I was wrong, they weren't human, I found that out too late. My fate was set for me that night only because I had a fight with my old man, he got pissed because I had lost my job and I got pissed because I felt that he shouldn't had relied on me so much to support our family of five. Emily you don't understand, I could hear their cries as they buried me, their only son, six feet under. It took me days to re-dig myself out of my own fucking grave and start to get what I was. It took me at least ten years before I could go out in public and I couldn't even last out that long” he spilled out his life story.
I didn't move, make a noise or even breath for the longest time. My head stayed low, my eyes watched my hand upon his as we sat their in silence on my bed. “Do you really want your parents to suffer like that?” he asked quietly. I shook my head. “No, of course not but my stories different Jimmy, at that time you'd never thought of running into me, of course I wasn't alive then but still. Never in my life have I thought I'd come face to face with a person I love so much. I only thought this shit was in fairy tales and Walt Disney movies. I love you and I want nothing else but to be with you and I know I'm not ready, but like you said, I have time. I still, do need to live, but I know I can't do that without you, maybe by next year things will be different, maybe I can learn how to control myself and as far as the aging thing goes... I'll have to leave home sometime...as of when, its not now” I spoke looking him dead in the eyes. He nodded. “Its not going to easy love” he spoke his free hand touching my cheek whipping the stray tears away. “No one said life was” I added. He smiled. “Even without a heartbeat it still hurts” He leaned forward and closed the space between us kissing me passionately on the lips. Love wasn't ever an issue. Commitment though, something we both had to work on. I was emotion confused and I needed a solid rock to be my support.