Goth & Donut

I’ve waited inside the hotel lobby for Janelle as promised. It’s already 11am and she hasn’t arrived yet. I was beginning to think she was still upset from last night. We haven’t had a fight in a long time, not since we’ve met. I don’t own her. She’s not my girlfriend.

Suddenly, I see Janelle walk into the lobby, all bundled up with a skull cap and a pea coat. She also had a blindfold on her right hand. I wonder what this was about.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” Janelle said as she leaned up to kiss my cheek.

“Well I am ready to go but what’s with the--”

“The blindfold?” Janelle raised her arms up and is ready to mask me. “Do you trust me, Drew?”

“Of course I do.” With that she placed the blindfold above my eyes. “You want me not to ask you if we’re there yet?”

“Exactly.” She whispered. “Just please do not get upset about everything that is going to happen this morning. Follow my voice until I tell you to remove your blindfold.” She took my hand and I let her lead me the way to her car.

When I felt the winter air, I was glad that I had my coat on. I don’t miss Canadian winters at all but today was a complete reminder of how cold Canada can be. For the entire ride, we stayed in the car in silence. I was hoping she would talk to me but that wasn’t the case.

“We’re here.” Janelle said as the car stopped. She opened the door and went over my side to open it. After removing my seatbelt and grabbed something from the backseat, we walked our way to our final destination. She held my hand as she hopes I don’t bump into things. When we’ve made it to our final destination, I was ready to take off the blindfold. “At the count of three, you may remove your blindfold. However, you have to promise me you won’t think badly of me after this.”

“I promise. However, I am very cold.” I was shivering out there.

“I know.” Janelle said very softly. “1…. 2…. 3.” I removed my blindfold and saw there weren’t any houses around. As a matter of fact, it was somewhere I wasn’t expecting.

“I want you to meet my parents; Michel and Anais Beauchamp.” Janelle pointed at a tombstone inscribing her parent’s names as well as their birthday and death. From the looks of the dates, it happened nearly six years ago. Now it was beginning to make sense.

“Why didn’t you tell me your parents died?” I asked, looking into her sad hazel eyes.

“I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.” She started to shed a tear. “I’ve gone through so much that I wanted to blank everything out. I wanted a fresh start, nothing left over of my memories of here.”

“May I ask what happened?” I brushed her tear away. After a long pause, she begins to tell me what had happened to her parents.

“It started after my primary school graduation. During our family barbeque, she pulled me aside and told me she had cancer. Cervical cancer. She was trying to get pregnant at the time but during the check up they told her she had that. She went through some chemo and everything, yet she didn’t let her spirit get the best of her. Sadly, before the end of Grade 7, she became very sick and weak. I stop skating for a while so I could take care of her. She passed away on my 13th birthday.

“My dad was devastated by her death. Even though they got married young, he knew she was it for him. So when she died, it seemed like he died with her. A few weeks after her death, he collapsed and died of a heart attack. I always thought that he really died of a broken heart. So to take my mind off of what happened that summer, I focused on school and being a teenager. Then there was a senior who listened to me and made sure I was okay. He was a member of the football team. Boy I was wrong.” She paused for a moment and started to cry silently. I haven’t seen her like this since the night I saw her crying in the bathroom. “The night of my school’s first football game, he asked me to come with him into one of the rooms to talk. But instead he had his friends pushed me into the room. The boy said that he only listened to me because I was very cute and used my vulnerability to get closer. I told him to let me out but…. he didn’t. He pushed me to the bed and started to rip my clothes off and kiss me all over my body. I kept on trying to push him away but he was too strong. His friends made sure no one get near to the room. I begged him not to do anything because I was a virgin. But he put a sock on my mouth and….” She began to sob louder. “You get the idea what happens next.” I took her into my arms and let her cry. I couldn’t believe anyone would do something like that to her.

“When I went back to school that following Monday, it was big news.” Janelle continued, still crying. “I was labeled everything under the sun. Then my ex-best friend Pricilla turned against me because the boy that raped me was the same boy she had a crush on. So she had a couple of girls pushed me to the bathroom and cut my long hair. The bullying was so bad that my grand-maman called my abuela in Guelph to see if I stayed with her instead. So before Christmas, I got pulled out of school and was home schooled for the rest of Grade 8 before moving to Guelph.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say, Janelle.” I kept holding her, letting her cry for a moment before speaking again. “It makes sense now.”

“Please don’t hate me for all of this.” She looked up at me. “I wanted to be left alone after everything that happened. I didn’t want to let anyone in. I thought that skating and my family was enough but it wasn’t. You’ve changed that even though I gave you shit in the beginning.”

“Well I’m already proud of the person you’ve become. I will say at again, you’re a strong woman and I’m sure your parents would be proud of you.” I kissed her forehead before hugging her again. “I’m glad you told me everything but I will be honest, I will kill that asshole that did that to you.”

“They arrested him for what happened but the fear of revenge is still there. That’s why I never came back here after what happened. You want to go because I’m sure you’re freezing.” She giggled as she wiped the last of her tears.

“Sure but where we’re going and where are we?”

“Sherbrooke. I was actually born here but moved to Stanstead when I was a kid. That’s where we’re heading to.” She placed the flowers on her parents’ grave as we head back to the car. While it was a lot to digest, I am very glad I get to see this side of Janelle.

Janelle drove nearly an hour to a small town called Stanstead, on the US-Canadian border. I admit the drive over there was very nice. I never been to that part of Quebec before but it looks like any other town in Canada. She told me about the town; how it’s across from Vermont and how a library is right in the middle of the border. She also told me how her parents met at Bishop’s University in Sherbrooke and spent the first few years there so to get their degree before settling in Stanstead, as well as told me about the house that had since made into a B&B. She showed me where she went to primary school and where her dad would take her when she did well at school and the ice rink where she learned how to skate. She was opening up her life to me and I like it.

“We’re here.” Janelle smiled as she showed me her Meme’s B&B. “Cute, eh?”

“Bigger than my house in London.” I said as I got out of the car. The house was big with three stories, a yard, a pool, and a gazebo covered in snow. Janelle opened the door with her key and let ourselves in. “Wow, it’s a big place.”

“It is. I admit I miss it here.” Janelle wondered around to see if her Meme was there. “Meme? Meme?”

“Entre ! Je suis dans la salle à manger! (Come in! I’m in the dining room!)” We walked to the dining room to see her grandmother there. She’s no older than 65 but looks young. “Janelle, ma chérie. (Janelle, my sweet.) And you must be Drew.” She shook my hand and gave me a traditional cheek kiss. “I’m her grandmother. She calls me Meme all the time.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Beauchamp.”

“You can call me Catherine.” Her grandmother suggested. “Sit. You must be tired from your journey from Montreal.”

“Oui Mémé. c'est de lui que je t'ai parlé, celui qui joue pour les Kings. (Oui, Meme. He’s the one I talked to you about, the one who plays for the Kings.)” Janelle told her grandmother in French.

“Well I am very impressed.” Catherine smiled. “You know Lucky Luc was a King. Her father loved that man.”

“I recently met him. Really cool guy.” I laughed as her grandmother and I talked for a few minutes.

We took a tour of the B&B including her old bedroom. She’s been staying there for the past couple of days, except for last night. She told me she was staying at a nearby hotel since it was a very long drive back. We decided to take a walk around the snow covered backyard, where the gazebo was located. We sat there for a moment, taking in the view of the yard.

“Your grandmother has a great place.” I look at the snow covered pool that was nearby. “She maintained it well.”

“Yeah she did. My grandfather, who is working right now, made sure of that.” She laughed as she saw a piece of snow fall on her hat.

“I want to thank you for today. Thank you for being honest with me and trusting enough to tell me all of this.”

“No, thank you for not running away. Most people would’ve but you didn’t. You’re truly a great friend to me.” She smiled as I placed my glove covered hand on her cheek. I knew at that moment it was now or never. I leaned over and gently kiss her frozen lips. She looked at me, trembling from the cold, wondering what just happened. I leaned over to her and kissed her again, this time with a little more passion.

I know I was doing something right when she began to return that kiss. Everything I was thinking about for the past seven months was coming true. Could it be the entire time I was falling in love with her? Everything about that kiss was perfect… and right.

“Drew, we can’t do this.” Janelle whispered as she broke the kiss. “We’re friends, remember?”

“Yes, I know. Remember when you asked if you can keep me? I want you to keep me.”

“But you live in LA and I live in Toronto. I need to stay where I am for now. I need to be my own person before truly sharing it with someone. For now, at least.” Janelle had her hand on my frozen cheek. “Please understand.” I don’t know if it was the word “please” or her hand on my cheek that set off my broken heart.