Zombie 2.0 1/2

The inside of the small house was beautiful. It had a small fireplace and two couches that folded out in to beds and a kitchen that was actually stocked with a lot of good food that wasn’t perishable.

“They have enough stuff to make pie!” Dean yelled.

“I don’t think we can make pie.. you need milk and stuff..” Banana said.

“Oh god damnit.” Dean said sadly. “That’s something I probably won’t ever have again. Unless we find a cow.”

“I dunno if there are cows out there. They probably are eaten.” Rev said.

“Well, maybe some day when this is all over…” Dean started but he didn’t finish. He wasn’t sure it’d ever be over.

“LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND!” Rev’s voice came from the other room.

They all went running thinking it was a dead body or something worse, although what was worse than a dead body they didn’t know, and stopped when Rev’s smiling face met them.

“What did you find?” Dean asked.

“Something amazing. Something I haven’t seen since this whole fucking things started.” He laughed evily.

“Okay…” Dean backed up behind Banana and put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her in front of him.

“Way to hide behind me.” She said sighing.

“LOOK!” Rev held up two full bottles of a clear liquid.

“VODKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Banana yelled.

“Mmhmm, who loves me now?” Rev asked.

“ I DO I DO!” Banana yelled and ran over hugging him and stealing one of the bottles.

“Hey!” Dean shouted. “How come I get no love?”

“If you would have found the vodka, I might of hugged you.” Banana said and took off laughing evilly.

“I better go make sure she doesn’t drink herself in to a coma.” Deci said and walked off to find her.

Rev and Dean joined them in the living room and pulled out the beds to make them more comfy. Banana ended up drinking enough to actually decide she wanted a bed to herself, but Dean refused to sleep with Rev so they alternated.

“I don’t see what the big deal is.” Banana said drunkenly. “It’s not like I like you or anything. It’d be like sleeping with…a…pillow..or something.”

Dean laughed. “I am not as soft and squishy.”

“SQUICKY!?” she yelled.

“No, squishy.”

“I KNOW!” Banana laughed evilly.

“So guys, guys. Wait. Do you think it’s like that one movie? Do you think only America is infected? Maybe all those other countries… maybe they’re all just going about their days watching the news and seeing how shit out of luck we are…” Rev said.

“Well if that’s the case, if the mountain doesn’t work, I’m going to have Pilot fly me to Finland.!” Deci yelled.

“And I will go to wherever there is beer.” Rev said.

Banana was laying down looking at the ceiling laughing and talking about something to Dean which obviously she found a lot funnier than he did, even though he did laugh harder when she laughed harder.

“So…” Rev said turning on his side to look at Deci. She was sitting up leaned against the wall and he was laying down.

“Ever wonder why we’re here?” She asked.

“No no no. I don’t wonder why we’re here. It makes my brain hurt thinking of all the possibilities. I just wanted to ask how ya were doing. And stuff.” Rev said.

“I’m doing alright.” She laughed. “What about you? You look pretty drunk.” She said.

“I am drunk. And not puking drunk but just drunk enough that if a zombie walked through that door right now, I wouldn’t even care. I’d just watch it walk right up to me, then I’d kick it in the junk.”

“What if it was a girl?”

“Then I’d twist it’s nipples.”

“That’s awesome.” She said.

“I know. You know what else is awesome? Me. And you. But more so me. Okay you can be a little bit awesome too. But not as much as me. Even though sometimes you are, but not really cuz you can’t beat my awesomeness.”

“I think you’re a little bit confused but alright.” She smiled.

“I think you’re the one who’s confused.”

“No you know who’s confused? Banana.”

“Why?”

“Because I think she wants Dean’s bod.”

“I think so too.” Rev concluded.

“So… we should hook them up.”

“How? Banana feels no emotion right?”

“Well, maybe, but that doesn’t mean it cant be like a … end of the world deal. She might go for it. Not saying she’d enjoy it, or have kids, or even really admit it is going on…”

“Then what the hell is the point, do tell.”

“Just for fun. To see if we can do it. I’ll make a bet with you. If I get them together, that means… You have to be my slave for like a month. You have to kill all my zombies, and you have to be my body guard. Also, you have to stop asking me why we’re here.”

“WHAT! I can’t do that. I need to ask you why we’re here because I don’t know!”

“Well neither do I, but hey, that’s the rules.”

“Alright, and If I get them together first? You have to spend the rest of our lives looking for beer, and marry me.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yepp. I doubt I’m going to find anyone now since everyone else is dead. So you have to do.”

“Oh jeez, thanks.”

“Oh no, it’s a good thing. Besides, I’d rather be married to you than Banana’s. She beats her significant others.”

“That is true. Alright fine, but I’m going to win. I know Banana better than you. I know how to do this. So let’s just hope I win.”

“Alright, shake on it.”

They shook on it.

In the other bed across the room.

“Dude….” Banana said. “You have no idea how much I have missed vodka.”

Dean looked a little skeptical. “I never actually pictured you as a hard liquor type.”

Banana started laughing manically. “OH boy. I used to party.” Banana sat up half way and shouted across the room. “RIGHT DECI?! REMEMBER HALLOWEEN?!”

“Yeah. The Halloween with Bear dancing and trying to hug my brother.”

“Yeah! That’s the one. So long ago now… So much alcohol in the span of two days…” Banana trailed off and not long after that all that could be heard from her was her snoring.

Dean had to pry the alcohol out of her hands so that it wouldn’t spill in the middle of the night. “That… was... interesting? Is she really a drinker?”

“Oh yeah.” Deci said. “You should have seen her before this whole crapfest hit. And back when we actually hung out all she did when she could was drink. I blame it on her sickness.”

“Sickness?” Dean and Rev said at the same time.

“Anime.” She said with a straight face.

“She also is into cartoons?” Dean asked. “She also doesn’t seem the type for that either.”

“Oh no. She definitely is. I wouldn’t see her for almost months because of it. But anyway, there was this one that she used to watch… Oh what was it? Oh that’s right, its Hetalia. It was about countries and them put into human form. She loved this one character who happened to be Russia. In one episode he jumped out of an airplane shouting vodka. That is why she probably in love with it. It probably brings her back to the way things used to be.”

“Huh.” That is all Dean said before he went to sleep.

“Well I guess that only leaves us…” Rev said.

“Us? I’m going to sleep.” Deci said closing her eyes.

“Awe… Your so mean…”

“No, I just know that we have to be going soon.”

“What? No way. Sack.”

Deci turned over ignoring him trying to go to sleep.

“Don’t ignore me come on.” Rev reached over and shook her. She rolled over and slapped him in the shoulder.

“Come on.”

“No, you come on. Talk to me. We don’t ever talk. It’s always running from zombies. Or cannibals. Or wondering why we’re here.”

“Yes, that is why I’m trying to ignore you, I don’t want to wonder why we’re here.” Deci said.

“I promise I won’t ask you that anymore. Let’s just talk.” Rev said again.

“Alright fine. What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want to talk. I want to sleep.”

“Well….go to sleep then.” Rev sounded disappointed and rolled over.

“Rev…come on.”

No answer.

“Rev.”

Still no answer.

“Jimmy!” She said using his real name.

Still no answer.

She reached over and poked him in the back of the head.

“What?” He asked still not turning over.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to sleep.”

“Stop it.”

“You stop it.”

“You stop it.”

“No you.”

“You.”

“You.”

“You.”

“Will you guys just fucking kiss and make up already. Jesus.” Banana said grumpily.

“Why don’t you make out with Dean.” Rev said.

“Why don’t you go take that bottle and stick it -.”

“Come on, why can’t we all just be friends?” Dean asked.

“Because some people pretend that they don’t like people when they really do.” Banana said.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.” Rev said back.

“Oh hell no.” Banana got up to get out of the bed and beat up Rev but Dean grabbed her arm. Since she was drunk she stumbled and toppled over backwards.

“You’re lucky I’m so drunk that Dean can hold me back.” Banana said.

“Oh I’m the lucky one?” Rev asked? “Let me show you lucky…” He went to get up but Deci caught him and make him stay.

“Why are you two arguing come on.” Dean said.

“Because he’s full of shit!”

“You’re full of shit! Denying your feelings and junk like you don’t have any.”

“I’ll show you no feeling, I’ll show you right upside the head how much I don’t feel!”

“GUYS!” Deci yelled.

“No no, let her come over here, I’ll smack the love bug right in to her.”

“Guys.” Dean said.

“Well if she would just admit that she liked you and stuff this family would be a lot more happy!” Rev yelled.

“I’ll show you happy!” Banana tried to get up again but Dean caught her again.

“You guys need to chill. Maybe Rev and Deci should go sleep in another house… we’ll go with you to make sure it’s safe-.”

“NOPE!” Rev said throwing himself back on the bed. “I ain’t going nowhere. You aren’t big enough to make me.”

“I’m big enough you bitch.” Banana said.

“Was she ever this violent on booze?” Rev asked.

“No, you’re egging her on, knock it off.” Deci said.

“No thanks.” Rev smiled.

“I’m going to come over there and hurt you. Bad.”

“I’m not worried. Dean let her up, what’s she gonna do, love me to death with rainbows and puppies?”

“James! ENOUGH!” Deci yelled at him.

Banana sighed. “You know what, I don’t have time for this. Dean, let’s just say we’re together then from now on. I want to shut him up and since I am immobile to get up and slap the shit out of him this is how I’m going to do it.”

“I don’t want you to have to say we’re together for-.”

“Nope shut up. It’s fine. I have emotions. They’ll see.” She narrowed her eyes but no one could see the dirty look.

“Okayyy..I’m going to bed.” Rev said and rolled over and patted Deci on the head.

“What the hell?” she whispered to him so they couldn’t hear.

“I win. Now, should we rob a jewelry store for your engagement ring?” He asked. He sounded too happy about it.

“Uh, no! It’s fake. She’s just drunk. Tomorrow she won’t even care. She’ll be like ‘what, I did not. Fuck you.’…. She’s not gonna let it last. I know her.”

“We will see but until then, you probably should think of rings. Goodnight future wife.” And he rolled over and went to sleep.

Sometime in the morning, before daylight.

“Dec, wake up. Deci. Deci wake up.” Rev was shaking her. She mumbled and couldn’t open her eyes but when she did she was immediately panicked.

“What the hell is wrong?” She asked sitting up fully.

Rev was covered in blood.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“My bullet hole came open… When I drank I guess it thinned my blood and shit…I feel real bad.” He said.

She sat up and reached in her pocket and brought out a small flashlight. She turned it on and looked at him, he was pale.

“Awe, shit. Rev, you are losing a lot of blood again. Fuck.. DEAN!”

Dean shot up and was holding a gun. “Eh?!”

“Dean, Rev’s in trouble. He is losing blood again…”

“What? How, did you fucking get shot again?” He asked looking around for an intruder, or at least the body of the intruder.

“No no, the same ..bullet hole just … didn’t do a very good job at keeping it closed. You’re going to need stitches…”

“Oh. Awesome.” Rev said, then he wobbled and fell on the floor.

“Rev?! Rev? Come on, get up.”

“I..am..up.” He said weakly.

“No, no you’re not. We need to get him to the bed Dean otherwise he’s not gunna make it.”

“Okay, help me lift.”

They got him on the bed and Deci ran to the car to get her first aid kit.

When she came back Dean was talking to Rev trying to keep him conscious.

“Stay with us buddy.”

Deci cut off his shirt with some scissors and looked at the blood trickling down his chest. She got a little woozy but shook her head.

“I gotta stitch you up. You’re gonna feel it, I don’t have anything to give you, alcohol would just make it worse.”

“I’m…ok.”

“No, you’re definitely not okay.” Dean said.

About that time Banana woke up to the sounds and asked what was wrong.

“Rev’s bleeding out.” Dean said.

“What?” Banana immediately got out of bed and quickly walked over to the bedside.

“Is he gonna be okay?” she asked.

“I don’t know, maybe if I can get him stitched up. Guys I hate to say this but even if I do, he can’t travel anywhere. We can’t go to the mountain.”

“So what are we gonna do? Stay here?”

“We can’t stay here either, he doesn’t have the right stuff here. We don’t have the right stuff.” Deci was panicking now.

“We have to get Pilot to fly him to the high school.” Dean said.

“What?”

“Yeah, that makes sense. If he got in the helicopter he could be transported. Way better then the car, and there we could set up something for him. Pilot was in the military, he knows how to patch people up. That’s his best hope.” Banana agreed.

“Where would he set the thing down? We’re in the woods.”

“No, you see that clearing over there? I’m sure that’s where the search and rescue chopper would sit down if they found anyone or needed anything.” Dean said.

“They could touch down anywhere, there are spaces, we just need to get him out there.”

“How are we going to get Pilot back out here? And survive zombies?”

“Well this place looks pretty small on activity. Plus the place is wired, if anything comes near you, you’ll know. I’ll leave all the ammo for two guns. Three… Banana and me will drive like hell to go tell Pilot. He can follow us in.”

“Do you think it’ll work?” Deci asked.

“I’m sure it will. He’ll be fine.” Dean said putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Come on, we’d better get going if we’re gonna save him.” Banana said.

They gave Deci all her guns she needed, even though she was pretty sure if it came to her using them effectively she would mess up. She was too worried about Rev’s condition.

Dean and Banana said quick goodbyes and told Rev he’d be okay and set off to get Pilot.

In the car Fifteen minutes later.

“I hope he’s okay.” Banana said.

“Me too. He will be. We just have to drive like fucking hell.” Dean said. He was doing 105 already.

“Well just be careful, along the lines of zombies there are moose out here. And I don’t think it’d be good we mess this up before we get to Pilot by crashing into one.”

“I know, I know. But I am okay. We don’t have a choice Banana.”

“I know. I just don’t want to kill us in the process.”

“I know, neither do I.”

They were silent for awhile, Dean concentrating on driving and not crashing, until Banana finally asked.

“Do you think he’ll make it?”

“I don’t know to be honest. He lost a lot of blood. I can’t say for sure I’m not a medic.”

“He didn’t look too good.” Banana.

“No, he didn’t.”

“What…” She cleared her throat, “What do you think would happen if he did die?”

“Honestly? I’m pretty sure Deci would be heartbroken. I know none of us talk about feelings and all that jazz, but I seriously think she’ll blame herself and be really distraught about it.”

“I do too.”

“I pray to…whatever God is there, or if there isn’t a God, I pray to Aliens, or whatever, that he makes it.” Dean said.

They fell silent again.