Zombie 2.0 1/2

They had been traveling down the road for a little while before the Charger started to slow to a halt. Banana had fallen asleep again and was snoring as usual in the back seat with Deci.

“Not again…” Dean said exasperatedly.

“ Rock, paper, scissors?” Rev asked?

“Hm..” Dean turned to him and held his fist out. “Fine.”

They did the hand motions for the kids game and it turned out- “Dammit!” The Rev shouted while Dean smiled.

“Hahaha you have to put gas in the car!”

Rev grumbled as he got out of the car. “I don’t even get to drive the stupid thing…and all I want to do is get my in life achievement.”

“Yeah, yeah shut it and feed the car.”

Dean popped the trunk for Rev. With a regretful sigh, Rev pulled the gas can out and proceeded to the gas tank to fill it.

Dean was smiling to himself as usual when he won a game. Or when he won anything. He had once won a free large French fry and stood in line grinning like a moron for five minutes until someone asked finally if he was going to get his fry or get the hell out of the way. He got his fry, but he smiled one last huge smile at the guy before he left.

Deci woke up and looked around, when she noticed that the trees were standing still. She immediately sat up. “Where are we?”

“I’d say we’re in between some trees.” Dean said.

“No shit, but seriously do you know where we are?” she asked.

Banana kept snoring in the back and no one wanted to wake her.

“Okay I’m back, we can go.” Rev said getting in and shutting the door.

“Let me guess, you lost rock paper scissors again, didn’t you?” Deci asked.

“I might have.”

Dean laughed.

“It’s not my fault he cheats. Just like her.” he jabbed his thumb back at Banana.

“How does she cheat?”

“We all know that she does. We don’t know how. We just know it happens.” Rev said.

Dean laughed again and turned the car over. It purred like a kitten.

“I love this car.”

“That’s nice. Now can we go? It’s starting to get dark.” Deci said.

The sun had started going down and no one had noticed. Especially Banana, she had seen the back of her eye lids for the past thirty miles.

“Well do you think we should find camp then?” Dean asked as he punched the gas and they took off.

“Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea.” Rev said.

They continued driving until they came to a small trailer in the middle of the woods. It only had a few neighboring houses but they figured this would do.

As part of the rules the groups had to split up and do a once over around the perimeter to make sure there were no zombies or worse people who were alive and scared and didn’t know how to use a gun.

“We’ll take the back. You two take the front.” Dean said.

Banana glared at him. “How come you always decide what we do? And I don’t mean all four of us and in we I mean you and me we.”

“Because I’m the guy?”

“Oh here we go.” Deci said. She turned to Rev. “We better get out of here while we still have ears that don’t bleed.”

“Because you’re the WHAT?” Asked Banana folding her arms. The last part came out quite loudly.

“I’m a guy! Come on, you know what I mean, I don’t think that you couldn’t point us in the right direction-”

“Oh and you think you do? You just always point us in the obvious direction. The one that is right there in front of you screaming ‘ take me, I’m the right way’. You’re such an idiot!” Banana grabbed a home made flame thrower and put it on her back. It consisted of a children’s squirt gun, and a black back and lots of tubing. She hadn’t made it. In fact Dean hadn’t even made it he was too stupid to turn on a light switch if it didn’t scream ‘TURN ME ON’. No it was the Rev who had made this. He claimed as a child they had nothing better to do where he grew up. She believed that. He was a crazy little man.

She shook her head. He wasn’t little, the man was 6’3”. Dean looked like a small barely beefy shrimp. Although the Rev was skinny.

Banana stopped. ‘Oh god.’ She thought to herself. ‘I’m thinking about Dean and Rev in my head. That’s not a good sign. I’m comparing heights? What the fuck am I doing? Where is the normal ‘who should I chop up and feed to the meat bags today’ thinking I have going on? I’m turning soft I knew it.’. She turned to Dean. “Excuse me, I have to go kill something. I need to make myself feel less human.”

Dean looked at her as if she had said the last pie on earth just got shit on.

“Wh… Wait a minute I got yelled at the last time I just left you. You can’t just leave me! There are rules.”

“Yeah, and the rule clearly states, if you see something that you want more than the person you’re with, go for it.” Banana said and started heading off towards the slight decline for the back yard.

“Wait, Come on, who said I wanted the pie more than you?” Dean asked quickly grabbing a shot gun out of the back.

“Um, I don’t think you had to say anything really. The fact that you had pie in your cheeks was a big clue. And the fact I was sleeping by myself somewhere, where zombies could have very easily eaten me, well… I think even YOU could get the hint.”

“Well. I …” Dean grumbled. “Why do you have to be so frustrating?”

“Why do you have to want pie!?”

“I was hungry!”

“And I am frustrating because if I wasn’t I would show emotion! I have none!”

Dean shook his head. “You aren’t emotionless.”

Bananas face was a cold blank stare.

Dean shook his head. “Okay, so maybe you fried your give a damn circuit, but that can be replaced right? We can get you fixed right up.”

“I am not your car!”

“I understand. If I sat on you and yelled ‘Vroom Vroom’ and tried to push your head in as a gas pedal I think you’d get mad. Obviously you get mad at stuff like that. You got mad at me for eating pie. Which by the way, I hope you know, I have to really use the bathroom right now if that makes you feel any better. I learned my lesson about pie. Never, never ditch your very important zombie partner for it. You never made me have to shit this bad.”

Banana stopped and turned around and looked at him. “I really do wonder if there is a brain in that head of yours. I mean seriously. Would the human race have come this far if you were the first caveman? I think not.”

Dean just shrugged it off. “Did I mention you’re my favorite?”

“Stop sucking up. Why do you… I said I’m not your car!”

The arguing went on, but barely above a whisper. They continued to search the back for any signs of life or signs of zeds.

Meanwhile Rev and Deci were checking out the inside of the house. They had seen the front was nothing more than road and their car so the best thing they could do was to make sure nothing was rotten inside.

“Look at all these pictures.” Rev said looking at some pictures on the entertainment center.

“So?” Deci asked.

“Well Look at them. They’re hideous. You see that kid in the back? God damn, what happened to his face? I mean, seriously what happened?”

Deci went over and looked at the picture. She was shocked to see what she saw.

“Yeah, you’re right, what happened to his face?” She squinted. “That’s Dean.”

“Yeah, I thought you might of got that a little bit earlier, but I guess not. Yes that’s Dean.”

“So… we’re?”

“Well unless he has some weird stalker that likes childhood photo’s of him, and what appears to be an ankle biting loaf of hairy bread, you can’t even call that a dog, then yeah… We’re at Dean’s house.”

“Or his parents house.” Deci added.

Rev just looked at her. “Always gotta be right don’t you?”

When Deci looked at him he was grinning.

“So, why didn’t he say anything about this then?” She asked.

“I don’t know. Don’t you think the person you should be asking here is him? I still have the pedo story playing in my head.”

Deci walked out on to the front porch and saw Dean and Banana headed towards her.

“Hey Dean here’s a question and don’t worry it doesn’t involve actual thinking, but where are we?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. Why?”

“I think you do know. Actually I’m almost one hundred percent sure that you do know where we are. I think we came here on purpose.”

Dean gave her a blank look and for a second Deci really believed he had no idea where they were.

“Come on, let me show you something.”

He followed her in to the living room and looked at all the pictures. For a long time he didn’t say anything he just stared at them. Finally he turned to Deci.

“There’s only one thing I can tell you. A pedophile must have gotten these pictures somehow.”

“I told you!” Rev shouted.

“Seriously?” Banana asked looking at the pictures her eyes were wide.

“No. Not seriously. Dean is lying to us! Shun him! SHUN THE LIAR!”

Dean shook his head. “Alright, alright. Don’t shun me, im still making up for that pie thing. Look, we’re at my mom and dads house. Yes I knew we were coming, no I didn’t say anything to anyone and Rev, how did you come up with the pedo story?”

Rev shrugged. “I don’t think like a normal human being.”

“I guess you should have been paired with Banana then.” Dean said.

“I want some answers.” Deci said.

“I gave you answers. You’re a typical woman you know that? Always wanting more answers than what we men say. We give you a damn answer and you want to pick it apart. I’m glad I’m with Banana now. She isn’t a real woman.”

Banana looked at him with the same look from earlier.

“That’s not what I meant. I meant, you’re not like other women.”

Her look narrowed.

“Oh come on gimme a break, I already have the pie thing going for me.”

Rev quickly walked to the front door and let out a sound no one was expecting.

“What the fuck?!” Banana dove under the coffee table.

“The hell?” Dean looked down at Banana and Deci walked out to the front steps.

When she looked at where Rev was looking she wanted to scream a little. There in the road not very far from where their car was parked, were dozens of zombies. They were walking down the street, very slow, but still making their way to where they were.

“Shit. We don’t have enough stuff to kill them all. Not unless we melee them! And I don’t know about you but in a video game I’m willing to gamble with my little man’s life. I am not willing to try to melee someone in real life and get scratched or bitten.”

Rev nodded. “We’re gonna have to bar this place up and hide like mother fuckers.”

“Or like Banana under the coffee table.” She said.

“That too.”

They quickly went inside and shut the door up.

“Do you have the bag?” Rev asked.

“No do you?” She asked him back.

They stared at each other.

“Mother-”

“I’ll get it.” Dean said walking by them both and out the door.

It wasn’t very long before they heard him yell ‘mommy’ and come running back in to the house. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it breathing heavy.

“Those zombies were up the road a little ways… How is it that you’re out of breath like they’re on the door?” Deci asked.

Dean shrugged. “I may or may not have wasted a little time…talking…to the car.”

Rev gave him an incredulous look. “I can’t believe you man.”

“I can’t believe me either. No wonder Banana hates me.”

“We knew that.” Deci said.

“Well I am a slow learner.”

They got in to the bag, a large red Marlboro one, and pulled out boards. They then proceeded to board up the front door and had enough boards to do up the windows lightly. They then hung blankets up on the windows to make sure no light they used would get out. They wanted to have dark on their side.