Zombie 2.0 1/2

Banana gripped the gun tightly and gave a nervous laugh. She was completely alone out in the woods and no one had gone after her to stop her. Not even Dean.

She sat down on a rock and waited, listening for the sound she had heard before.

“Banana?” Came a whisper.

“What?” She whispered back hoping it wasn’t a zombie.

“Where are you?”

“Over here, on this rock…unless you’re a zombie, then I’m over there behind that tree.”

There was a chuckle and then Dean appeared from the brush.

“I just got done thinking to myself ‘I am completely alone out here in the woods and no one had gone after me to stop me. Not even Dean.’ Yet here you are proving my thoughts wrong.”

“Well I’m sorry to prove your thoughts wrong. That must be a terrible thing to be wrong even inside your head.” He grinned and popped a squat next to her.

“I’m never wrong. It’s just your imagination.” Banana said.

“I don’t think so. But we’ll move on. Have you heard anything? I mean did you find what you were looking for?”

“No I haven’t heard anything, but I’m telling you I’m not crazy or anything like that! I know I heard something!”

“I’m sure you did, I’m not saying you didn’t. It’s just when you threw the ‘sack’ out there we didn’t think you were serious. We thought we’d go in the woods and there you would be with a giant sign that said ‘sack’ made out of sticks.”

“Well no sign here. Just me and a gun, and stroking it.”

Dean’s face went completely blank and his eyes bulged out of his head a little. He bit his lip. “Uh, I…”

“Oh relax, I am just joking. But I was hanging on to it pretty tightly.”

Dean grumbled to himself and got up and paced back and forth.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Anyways, uh-.” He cleared his throat. “What do you..uh, think you heard?”

“I am worried it’s a zombie. But then again I am even more worried that it’s one of those creeps who like to offer us up as meat shields.”

“I don’t think they’re around otherwise we would have heard from them by now. They aren’t about stealth, they just bust out with guns and knives… and fucking fire.”

“Alright, fine so a sneaky zombie then?” She asked.

“Did it sound like a zombie? I mean, stumbling, running, heavy breathing? I-.” But Dean was cut off by a rustling sound not too far off to his left.

“What is that? Is that the sound you heard?” Dean whispered.

“Yes.” She mouthed back.

The sound had stopped for the moment and Dean and Banana looked around to assess the situation.

“Maybe it’s just a deer or something?” Dean asked.

“Maybe. But I don’t think so. It seems to be avoiding us, but watching us.”

“Then maybe we should find it.” Dean grabbed a hold of her hand and they circled around a few trees. When he thought it was safe they crouched behind a large tree and stayed there.

Dean nudged Banana and pointed over to the left. There in the bushes was something they never thought they’d see. A perfect opportunity to pull one over on the others.

Rev, duck, duck, and goose.

“I see no wildlife here.” Rev said.

“Of course not. They’re probably all eaten, or turned. Zombie ducks. Zombie Geese. ZOMBIE DEER!” Norman said with a little too much excitement in the end.

“That is a scary thought. Could you imagine a zombie rabbit?” Deci asked.

“You know what’s more concerning?” Pilot asked lighting a cigar. “Banana and Dean are out there alone right now chasing some noise and we are all sitting here discussing zombie bbq.”

“I think if they needed help we would hear girly screaming coming from the woods.” Deci said.

“Would Banana get that scared?” Norman asked.

“Banana? No, Dean.” Rev said.

When they looked at Deci to confirm this, she just nodded.

“Wow, that bad eh? He seems like such a badass on the surface.” Ivan said.

“Oh, you don’t know him very well do you?” Deci smiled.

“He screams like a little girl a lot.” Rev said.

About that time there was said girly screaming in the woods.

“Oh no! Dean?!” They heard a worried Banana yell.

Deci and Rev were the first ones to rush out with their weapons. The rest were in tow. When they got out there they couldn’t find Dean and Banana anywhere. All of a sudden there was a noise, Banana and Dean jumped out from of a bush and yelled sack.

“Good Jesus almighty!” Deci yelled and chucked her baseball bat at them and hit Dean square in the head. He went down like... like... that kid on that show pranked who got punched in the face when he popped out of the recycling bin. Banana gasped dramatically and bent down to check on him. She shook him but he didn’t move.

“I can’t believe that you killed him! AFTER ALL THIS TIME HE SURVIVED ZOMBIES TO BE KILLED BY YOU!” Banana yelled.

“I didn’t kill him he’s not dead!”

“And Norman closed the gate at the high school!” Banana yelled.

“Hey!” Norman yelled.

“Will you just look at him?! He’s dead!” Banana shook him again.

“Let me see.” Pilot came over and inspected him and sighed. “He’s not dead, but he’s pretty knocked the fuck out.”

“What will wake him up?”

“I have some sniffing salts in our kit back at the chopper. Let’s get those bags and get in the cave, fuck the chopper.” Pilot said.

They all nodded and looked at each other.

“Who’s gonna carry Dean?” Banana asked.

They all looked at each other.

And then played rock paper scissors.

Deci and Rev were carrying Dean to the cave while the others carried the supplies. They talked about just leaving him, but Banana insisted they couldn’t do that.

“Even though he left you behind once? For a damn pie? And this is life or death and you want us to tote his fat ass around?” Rev asked lifting a little more with his knees.

“He’s not fat! He’s just… big boned!” Banana said in his defense.

“I know, but still, he weighs more than me so that means he’s a fat ass.”

“Oh thanks, I weigh more than you does that make me a fat ass?” Deci said letting go of her end of Dean.

Rev stumbled and dropped Dean to the ground. Banana gasped.

“No! NO! Not at all, he’s a guy I can say that!”

“Oh so since I’m a girl, it doesn’t mean it’s not true it just means you can’t tell me that!”

“Oh Sweet Jesus, this parachute is a knapsack.” Rev said face palming.

“Banana you help him carry Lard ass. I’m not doing it!”

Rev sighed a heavy sigh and looked at Banana who looked back at him.

“Are you gonna drop him again?” she asked.

“No.” He said miserably.

“Good, then help me. You get the end Deci had though, that’s not my area.” She smiled.

“Why?” Rev grumbled.

“Because I said so.” She said still smiling. Rev transferred Dean to Banana’s shoulders and picked up his feet awkwardly.

“I… don’t think this is gonna work…” Rev said a minute later.

“It’s working fine. I see no problem. Now zip it.” Banana shut the conversation down.

“But… but… I…” Rev sulked but said no more. He just sniffled every now and then.

“Burn man. Burn. You just got totally burned.” Norman and Ivan said together in perfect unison. Deci giggled.

“Enough children. We are almost there.” Pilot said with finality, much like Banana.

“Eww…” They heard a few minutes later and looked over at the source of it. “What? He drooled on me…” Banana said grossed out.

They finally reached the cave and they put Dean down in the corner, which Banana hovered over every now and then to see if he had woken up.

Everyone else sat around and talked.

Dean can hear you, he just likes to pretend he can’t….

“Dean you need to wake up now.” Banana said to his knocked out cold body.

He didn’t twitch.

“Dean you have to wake up. I think you of all people should know you’ll get left behind if you’re not on your toes.” Banana was saying.

Rev came over and sat down cross legged next to Dean and looked up at Banana.

“Yes?” Banana asked.

“He’s not awake yet?”

“No, not yet. But he needs to!” She yelled a little louder at Dean’s motionless body.

“Look, can I ask you something?” Rev asked.

“That depends. Do you honestly think I am going to answer you?”

“No.”

“Eh.. okay fine just ask me.”

“Will you please talk to Deci and make her un mad at me.” He groaned and put his head down on his arms.

“Fine, I will but you need to get those sniffing salts from Pilot, who for some reason said it’s more peaceful for Dean to be knocked out… And wake him up!”

Rev got up gracefully for a 6’4 man, and sauntered over next to Pilot who was talking to Ivan, Norman and Deci.

“What do you want?” Deci asked when she saw him.

“I don’t want anything.” Rev frowned and then sat down on the ground of the cave next to the bags and pretended like he was very intent on the conversation.

“So, after we spend the night here and Dean wakes up, we’re going to need to get moving to a vehicle. So while he’s resting from his concussion that Deci gave him, we’ll go out and find some vehicles. We’ll be careful since this is what we’re trained to do. I mean you guys are good at it for not knowing, but I have military tactics that I taught these boys.”

Rev nodded. “Sounds good to me.” And then he got up and walked by Deci and purposely bumped in to her.

She grumbled but didn’t yell at him.

Rev went over to Banana and sat down next to her and reached in his pocket when he took his hand out he was holding the salt packets.

“I can’t believe you got that as smooth as you did. They didn’t even notice?”

“I used to do drugs Banana… I am good at stealing things without people noticing. Not that I say that with pride but in this case I think it’s necessary this time.”

“Pilot said that these are also dangerous and we shouldn’t give them to him unless we need to. But then again he did say it was mostly for his amusement and quiet.”

“I think we just need to do it and if he gets mad tell him that he needs to go fly off in to the distance now.”

Banana chuckled.

“I figured you’d laugh, you’re evil like that.”

She smiled.

“Alright, break this and hold it under his nose.” Rev said handing it to her.

She did as she was told and just before she got the salts under his nose he shot up.

“OKAY!” He yelled.

Banana and Rev screamed like little girls and clung on to each other as he shot up. He had a wild look on his face.

“What the hell?!” Everyone yelled at once.

“I was awake! I’ve been awake! I just wanted to see if you would…say something like I dunno… ‘Dean I’m sorry for being a jerk, I think you’re dead sexy’…then I could be like ‘aha! Told you so!’ and life would be good again.”

Everyone turned their attention to Banana who started laughing. Hard.

“You thought I’d say those things?!” She laughed even harder.

“I was hoping yes. But apparently you have no soul. I don’t know why I forgot you have no soul!” Dean stormed off, surprisingly angry about the entire thing and Banana stopped laughing.

“Great is this one of those moments where I have to run after him and talk him down out of a major fit?”

“I think you have the answer to that. Not me.” Rev said looking at Deci who frowned and turned away.

He sighed. “Better luck next year.” He said to himself.