Zombie 2.0 1/2

Rev and Banana walked a few feet behind Dean and Deci as they set out. Daylight was gracing them with it’s presence and the rain had stopped for now. It left the grass wet and slippery but they didn’t care.

“So… I take it your talk with Banana didn’t go as well as planned?” Deci asked Dean as they carried on.

“No… hardly. Well sort of. She admitted she does care about me. I got that much I guess that’s all that I can ask for really. Right?”

“No. You don’t have to give up so easy. I mean sure pushing her isn’t gunna work but giving up isn’t going to convince her that she should be with you any more.”

“What do you want me to do? You basically just said, if you don’t try she’ll hate me. If I do try she’ll hate me. If I just sit here and blow bubbles and cross my eyes and talk like Rev, she’ll STILL hate me.”

Deci rolled her eyes. “I think maybe you should just offer her her own time. Let her figure things out.”

“Fine. I doubt she’s going to change her mind anyways. So what about you and Rev?”

“Oh that’s kind of something we decided not to talk about.”

“I don’t remember deciding that.”

“Yeah, I know. I decided it.”

“Well why?”

“Because, things are just… too messed up now. I don’t know. Really. One minute I think I really could like… stand to be with him, then the next minute I’m thinking I wont be good enough to replace his wife and stuff.. so you know… I don’t want to get in the middle of it… and if this was real life without zombies, and he didn’t have a wife, there is no way he would of even noticed me.”

“How do you know that?” Dean asked slipping a little bit on the grass and catching his balance. He looked back to make sure Banana and Rev didn’t see it and played it off. Deci giggled.

“And anyways, I know that because it’s true. You have to compare me to his wife. You knew her didn’t you?”

“Yeah…I dated his sister remember?”

“I don’t really remember… but okay. What was she like?”

“She was short… long ..blondish … brownish…reddish…hair…. And .. had really pretty eyes… and small… and you know.. Just typical … lady…”

Deci grunted. “Typical or one of those ‘holy shit I can’t believe he’s with her and she’s with him types’ because let’s face it I bet she was hot.”

“Nooo….” Dean shook his head. “And hey, let’s not get in to that now, she’s gone let the lady rest in peace. What needs to happen is you need to start believing a guy like him could fall for a girl like you… and if it makes you feel any better.. he’s nothing special. So really it’s not that big of a shock. I was surprised he got his wife to marry him… so.”

Deci laughed. “He’s not like that.”

“He is. Who’s known him the longest here, me or you?”

“Me.”

“I don’t think so…” He smiled. “But in all honesty, you make more sense then his wife did.. and sure.. I may or may not of heard some of your fight in the cave back there, his wife would of made a difference if she was here. But she isn’t. At least he isn’t trying to turn you in to his wife… Like I made the mistake of doing to Banana.. I wasn’t trying to do that honest… I just wanted her to be honest with me.”

“She thinks the same way I dude… You’re not her type. You wouldn’t of looked at her would of you if this never would of happened?”

“Untrue yet again. I would have. It’s just, I was already with someone and all that jazz. Now though, it’s different. Think of it this way, meeting her randomly no I probably wouldn’t of been with her, simply because I wouldn’t of known her or anything about her… and with this zombie thing going on, I got to know her. It’s not like it woulda been but you just have to realize this isn’t what it was. There is no going back there is nothing that’ll change it. Sure she feels there’s no room for it now… I can see her point of view honestly… but that’s only if we let it be a big deal.”

“It would be a big deal if you two got together. She’s been fighting you on this for a long ass time. So yeah…”

“Yeah but it doesn’t have to be. We can keep a secret. We don’t have to like make out all the time…”

“Well no…”

“Exactly. I just feel closer to her for some reason, no idea why because she’s not the warm and fuzzy type…”

“I don’t think they make Banana’s in that model.” Deci said.

Dean laughed.

Meanwhile behind them Rev and Banana were having a conversation of their own.

“I can’t believe them. Up there laughing like nothing is even wrong.”

Banana glanced towards Dean and Deci and grunted. “Eh, I doubt they’re really having fun. Haven’t you seen those movies where the people who get dumped or whatever get with someone else and laugh really hard just to make the dumper jealous.”

Rev laughed. “Yeah… Well…you said dump. Hahaha.”

“Oh ha ha! No wonder Deci doesn’t wanna be with you.”

“Hey…”

“Alright fine, a little harsh… But okay look if you want to be with her then just do it. Tell her to shut her mouth and then just tell her how it is.. Tell that bitch to get back in the kitchen.”

Rev looked at Banana.

“What? I got a little carried away there, but seriously with Deci you just have to know how to push the buttons. She doesn’t want you to stop fighting with her sometimes, you have to dance your way around her and then just drop in the truth. She’ll argue a little bit more but then after that you should be good to go.”

“I don’t think I should push my luck anymore.”

“I think that if you don’t she’s not gonna care. And what if we come across a… Fabio of her choice? What do you think will happen then? And you know that guy isn’t gonna really care about her, you know he really will think ‘oh she’s the only girl I’ve seen in awhile…’ … so what do you think you’d do then?”

“I would probably either kill someone or just leave the group.”

“Neither one of those would be a good thing, just so you know. Murder is more acceptable… Keep that in mind.”

Rev chuckled. “Well… like you should be talking. You’re the one who refuses to do anything with Dean.”

“I refuse not because I don’t want to but because now isn’t the time. If I’m running around with love in my head I won’t be thinking about the zombie in the corner who’s like ‘ahh they’re so much more tastier when they’re in love’.”

“In love?” Rev looked at her.

“In likes.”

“You said in love.”

“I said, I will beat you down if you continue down the path you are going…”

“I don’t remember that either, funny how much I don’t remember you saying…”

“I think that your brain is delusional… and making you think things that are not true.”

“You said love. Read up in the script lady.”

“There is no script. And no love. This is one of those movies where the girl kills the guy over sleeping with him.”

“Oh… that kind of movie? Good thing I can go without sex then because I sure don’t wanna die…”

“We are not having a sex conversation.”

“Just like you didn’t say ‘love’?”

“You catch on fast for a stupid guy.”

“Oh that’s harsh.”

“Not as harsh as the beating you were receiving in my imagination.”

Rev laughed and shook his head.

Meanwhile Dean turned his head back just in time to see Banana playfully shove Rev.

He turned his head forward with a scowl.
“What’s the Banana look for?” Deci asked.

“Nothing. Don’t compare me to that… fruit.”

“Uh huh.” Deci looked back and saw Rev trying to give Banana a noogie.

“Did ya see it too?” Dean asked.

“See what? I saw nothing.” Deci grumbled.

“This is ridiculous.” He sighed.

“Maybe.”

They continued walked until Banana’s laughter turned into a small yell.

When they turned around Banana was falling backwards down the small hill they had just started to climb. Rev tried grabbing her arm but when he did she ended up just taking him with her. They then both tumbled down the hill and all Dean and Deci could see was leg, arm, leg, arm, head, arm, leg.

“Shit!” they both said and ran after them.

“Are you two okay?” Dean shouted when they stopped rolling.

“Fine!” Banana yelled up to them. Rev helped her up and when he noticed some grass stuck to her back he casually brushed it off.

Dean squinted so hard that his eyes disappeared completely.

Deci looked over and saw this and then looked to where he was looking and the same thing happened to her.

When Banana and Rev made it back up the hill they were both in good spirits until they realized that Deci and Dean were not.

“Why are you guys just standing there with your eyes closed?”

“They’re not closed.” Dean grumbled.

“Oh no we can see. WE.CAN.SEE.” Deci said.

“What the….” Rev looked at Banana.

“Let’s go Dean, maybe we’ll frolic in the grass too.”

“Fair enough!” Dean yelled and they both walked off.

“What the fuck was that about?” Banana asked.

“I don’t know…. Maybe they fell asleep and don’t want to admit it.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

“Me either, but what else do you want me to say? They’re jealous cuz I touched your bum?”

“You didn’t touch my bum!” Banana screeched.

Dean spun around at the word ‘bum’ and closed his eyes in Rev’s direction again. Rev gave him the finger and Dean turned away.

“How’d he even know I gave him the finger?! His eyes are closed!” Rev yelled.

Deci turned at the sound of his yelling and returned his finger.

“Well someone needs to take some pms pills.” Banana said.

“I know, why is she being such a crab ass?”

“No… not her, Dean!”

Rev burst out in to laughter. “Yeah… maybe we can find him some midol.”

Now Dean and Deci were quite a bit ahead of them and they scurried to catch up.

Dean looked at Deci and smiled.

“Hello creepy…” She said when she noticed what he was doing.

Just then Dean shoved her and she tripped over her own foot falling down in to a mud hole.

“What the fuck?!” Deci yelled.

“I’m sorry! I meant to do it playful and stuff! You weren’t spose to fall over!”

“Well I did! Help me up!”

Dean did so and when he did he noticed mud on her back. He narrowed his eyes again and tried to brush it off. As he did Deci turned and his hand smacked her left boob.

Deci’s eyes got a little wide and she looked at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Just… go with it.”

“What? No. What the-.”

“Come on, I was trying to wipe mud off your back…”

“Uh huh…” She looked at him and in the back ground noticed Rev’s facial expression. Banana’s wasn’t that much better.

“Oh Dean, stop it.” She smiled.

“You like it.”

“I know, but whatever.” And she reached over and grabbed his boob.

“HEY!” He yelled and jumped backwards, tripping over a root in the ground and falling over. He tumbled down a slight incline and then laid there looking up at the sky.

Deci’s face appeared over his and she smiled. “Payback is a Banana isn’t it…”

“Maybe, help me up… and grab my ass while you’re at it.”

“I’m not grabbing nothing, you see how that works out, my luck you’ll turn around just as I go for a cheek and I’ll get a ball instead.”

“That… would be…interesting.”

“NO!” She helped him up and Dean pulled too hard and she landed on top of him in the mud.

“Well isn’t this a dirty scenario.” Dean smiled at her.

“You … have.. mud on your face.” She said.

“I do?”

“Yeah, right here.” And then she picked up a handful of mud and shoved it into his face. “Hope you were squinting.”

“Ohhh in my mouth. My mouth. Eww.” He spit the mud out.

“You like it.” She said.

“Mmm love it when you talk dirty to me.”

“ENOUGH!” Rev yelled from the distance. When Dean and Deci turned to look at them and Banana was looking pretty much more like a steamed veggie than a fruit.

“What is going on here!?” Banana asked.

“Nothing, what does it look like?”

“Like a fucking hay day at Hooters!” Rev exclaimed.

“I’m pretty sure Dean can’t fit in to those shorts.”

Deci got up and helped Dean up. She was brushing mud off her when suddenly she was tackled from the back.

“Oof!” She said as all the air was knocked out of her. She landed face down in the mud and all she could hear was Rev and Dean yelling.

“What the hell are you doooooiiiinnnngggg?!” Banana was yelling in a demonic voice.

“What do you mean what am I doing, what are you doing, you’re suffocating me get off!” Deci pushed but Banana had a pretty good advantage already.

“Get off her!” Dean yelled trying to pull Banana off but she hit the back of his knees hard and he fell over.

“You guys are ridiculous!” Rev said. He then narrowed his eyes at Dean and then dove at Dean.

They all wrestled around in the mud for a few minutes, yelling and calling each other names until finally there was a gun shot fired.

They all stopped and looked up to find Pilot, Norman and Ivan staring at them.

“What in the blue blazes and fuck happened here?” Pilot asked.

“Nothing.” Dean said spitting out a clump of mud.

“Nothing? Sure as hell doesn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me son. What are you four doing playing around in the mud? You coulda found a truck by now!”

They all glanced around at each other. Banana was sitting on Deci’s back holding her by the hair and in a position that suggested she was about to cram Deci’s face into the earth below them. Rev was on Dean’s back like a monkey humping a football.

“We… haven’t been wasting that much time. I swear.” Dean said throwing Rev off and standing up.

“No? Well we’ve been standing here a good ten minutes watching you four try to smother each other in the dirt. I was enjoying myself until I realized that this wasn’t going to end unless I did something…”

“We were going to get on our way. I just … tripped into Deci’s face…” Banana said.

“I somehow doubt that young lady.” Pilot said.

“Good thing you found us!” Rev said.

“I’d say.” Norman said.

“So now that we’re all here…And half of us are dirty…” Dean said.

“Right, now that we’re here I think it’s best that if you four can promise you won’t pull any more childish games, we should split up.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if they find another mud hole?” Ivan asked.

“We’ll be fine!” Dean yelled.

“Alright, we’ll take the south you take the north. We have flairs, we’ll send one up if we find anything.” Pilot said.

They nodded and when they left the four looked at each other.

They all burst into laughter.

“What the fuck is wrong with us?” Deci asked.

“Who knows.” Banana said wiping mud out from underneath her eye.

“So now that we got that out of our system….” Dean said.

“I’ve always wanted to mud wrestle… it’s just to bad that my mud wrestling virginity was stolen by a big beefy guy.”

“You liked it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t, I just wish you’d of been more gentle.”

Banana shook her head and looked at Deci. “I’m sorry I might of smashed your face in to the … mud.”

“I’m sorry that I might have to kill you in your sleep.” Deci said.

They both laughed.

“So why DID you smash her face?” Dean asked. “Just curious… you know.. Cuz I’m the curious one of the group and must know.”

Rev rolled his eyes. “If you don’t know then I don’t think we should talk anymore. You’re too stupid and it might transfer to me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. I just knocked all your stupid ass out of you and look, you’re still dumb as shit.”

“Thanks.” Rev smiled.

“Alright, children, we have to get going because if we don’t Daddy is gonna send us to our rooms.” Deci said.

They all grunted and started on their walk again, this time all four of them side by side and not split up.

A few miles down the road they found and old chevy s10 and checked it all over. There was a little under a full tank of gas.

“If this thing starts, I’m going to start to wonder if someone is writing a bad book about us… we have had so much good luck.” Rev said.

“I think if someone is writing this they need to script me in a Fabio figure.” Deci said.

“If Rev grows his hair out anymore he’ll look like that bitch.”

“Hey!” Rev looked at him. “I am so much cooler.”

“And scrawnier. You would get broken in half by him.” Banana said.

“I think I could take him. I took Dean.”

“There are two things wrong with that sentence. One, it is a lie, and two, no.” Banana said.

“Fine but I could take Fabio he’s a bitch.”

“Maybe…” Banana said.

Dean opened the door and then crawled in to the drivers seat. He looked a little uncomfortable as the truck was small and he was tall. He tried to adjust everything but it didn’t work.

“Guys, if I gotta drive this… I might kill someone. Who’s short?”

But it was a moot point, every one of them were pretty tall.

“Deci… you have to do it.” Banana said.

“Why me?” She asked.

“Because…. Look at that tree over there… You see that blue piece of whatever stuck in the branch… I can reach that. So can Dean. So can Rev… specially Rev since he’s got a four foot neck, but you… you can’t reach it.”

“I can too!” She said.

“Then go get it.”

Deci stomped over to the tree and examined the situation. She couldn’t reach it, so she decided to try to climb the tree. After a few attempts of just staring at it, she retreated.

“Okay fine, I’ll drive the damn truck.”

Everyone laughed.

Dean got out a flair and sent it up, and another one lit in the distance.

“Lets hit the road Jack.” Banana said hopping into the passengers seat. Everyone else followed suit.