Zombie 2.0 1/2

The digital watch on Rev’s arm read 4:30 am. He looked around to make sure no zombies were close by and then ran to the car and threw their things in. He was all about being quick and so far while the zombies all appeared to still be slow, especially with the snow stopping them up, he was doing well to keep ahead of the game.

Banana was lugging things out with Deci while Dean looked over the place saying goodbye and making sure that everything was the way it deserved to be left behind.

“I worry about him.” Rev said to Deci when she stood up from packing the remaining blankets in the back seat. She looked over at Dean who was standing on the porch just staring off in to the back yard now.

“I don’t know. He seemed to take it well.” She said.

“Yeah that’s what he wants you to think. He’s a guy, dude. He wants you to think that he’s okay but really he’s just a big ball of fuzzy emotion.” He said in an over dramatic voice.

“Righhht, is that what I should assume about you?” she asked.

He just shrugged.

Banana came over and looked back at Dean. “You know, ever since he shot his dad,” She paused for a minute to make it seem like she was respectful, “He’s been a little bit … more nuttier.”

“That’s what Mrs McDonald said!”

The two girls turned to Rev.

“What? Continue…” He trailed off.

“Alright, well ever since then he’s just been really… I don’t know. He’s very in..I don’t know.” She shrugged it off not bothering to elaborate more and threw the stuff in the trunk.

Deci looked around and made she she kept a sharp eye for zombies.

“So are you guys ready to go?” Dean yelled from the front porch.

“Yeah I think we’re good to go.” Rev yelled back.

They all piled in to the car and this time Rev got to drive.

Going down the road everything was silent. There was no radio, no cd, not even talking, just pure silence.

Banana had drifted back off to sleep and Deci was trying to practice saying the alphabet backwards in her head. Dean stared aimlessly out the window and Finally Rev started singing to himself.

“Everything is paid for tonight while at the party of the dead dancing in their graves…” He said quietly.

“So… Uh- no! There is no zombie in the car!” Dean said, or rather yelled at sleeping Banana. “Anyways, I really am fine.” He said to no one in particular.

“Um, okay? I think if your gonna get all deep and stuff you need to save it for Banana. She just loves that.” Rev said stressing the love part.

“Heh, I don’t think that she does. We tried that earlier and that didn’t quite workout.” Dean muttered looking at the white-blanketed trees.

“Dude. That was sarcastic.”

“I knew that.”

“Right…”

They continued on their way towards the destination when there was I loud explosive sound. “What the fuck?! What the hell did you do to my baby?!” Dean shouted.

The Rev looked over at him horrified. “Nothing I swear! It wasn’t my fault! Why would I do something like that to the car before I unlocked my achievement?”

Dean looked at him skeptically. “You hate me? You hate my baby that much?”

“What the hell happened?” Deci said from the back seat.

“I don’t know! I hit something!” Rev said.

About that time Banana woke up and looked around. When she realized that they had stopped in the middle of no where in the dark her eyes became as wide as Rev’s were previously.

“Why have we stopped?” She asked sitting up more.

“Because SOMEONE, no names will be mentioned, HATES ME!” Dean said glaring at the Rev.

“Would you like me to get out and see what is wrong?” He asked. “You know before you go and have my head chopped off or something. Over nothing.”

“Fine you get out. Deci, you go with him. We’re not allowed to get out alone here. I’ll keep watch from right here.” He patted the side of the door.

Rev grumbled a few things no one was sure of what he meant and then Deci got out behind him grumbling as well.

“Why did you have to hit something? First his dad, now his car?” Deci asked when they were outside.

They walked to the front of the car and realized there was a bloody indent but nothing or no one was there.

“What the hell did you hit? I hope it wasn’t someone who was still alive.” She said.

All the sudden there were loud bangs and flashes of bright light. There were screaming and men’s voices yelling to get on the ground.

Of course that was against Deci and Rev’s will.

“GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!”

“NO! I WILL NOT SIR!” Rev yelled back even though he was blind from the light in front of him.

“I SAID GET DOWN! I WILL ONLY TELL YOU ONE TIME!”

“You have told me several times!” Rev yelled again.

There were gun fire and suddenly the loud sound of an engine.

“GET IN!” Dean screamed and Deci jumped in quickly. Rev stood there still in a daze and Deci reached over and grabbed his arm pulling him through the window in to the car.

“STOP!” Yelled the voice and then there was rapid firing.

“Get down!” Dean yelled and punched the gas mowing down someone who was standing in the head lights of the charger.

There was a loud thud sound and they hammered down.

“What the hell? What the hell… what the hell?!” Rev kept saying.

“I don’t know! I have no idea! What were they thinking?! Obviously we’re not zombies! We can drive and we talk and Rev was a smart ass!” Banana yelled. “Name one time we have ever encountered a zombie that could be a smart ass!”

“Uh, guys?”

“Not now Deci, we need to get the fuck out of here. Are they after us?”

“No.. I don’t see anything, but-“

“Alright well we need to think! Shit!”

“Where are we gonna go now? What if they think they’re gonna follow us! What do you think we could do, they can barely shoot zombies!” Banana yelled.

“Neither can you!” Dean said back in their defence.

“Okay, seriously guys, you need to listen to –“

“Deci! Not now!”

“YES NOW! REV HAS BEEN MOTHER FUCKING SHOT!” She yelled.

“WHAT!?” Dean and Banana yelled together.

“Just keep driving. Get somewhere.. away from here! I need to get the med kit, so just keep fucking driving!” Deci sat forward and tried to lean the seat as far forward with her. It was too much for Rev to sit forward. He had been shot in the shoulder and blood was pouring out.

“I know this is a bad time, but please don’t bleed on my-“

“NOT NOW DEAN!” Banana screeched.

“Alright!” he said.

He continued driving fast down the road when Deci made it clean she couldn’t get to the first aid kit.

“Well do I need to stop?” Dean asked.

“It might be nice. Pop the trunk I’ll get it.” She said.

“Dean slammed on the breaks and they skidded into a ditch and Deci quickly jumped out and ran to the back. As she was getting in to the trunk she could hear the sound of cars coming, and quickly.

“Shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.” She said the entire way back in to the car.

“Shit?” Banana asked. “Did you get it? Is it in there? Oh my god, Dean I knew it you boob! You forgot to put the first aid kit back in the fucking car!”

“I didn’t think that any one would get shot!” He yelled back.

“It was fucking in there but I hear cars! We need to go, don’t stop…. Believing.. no, no , DON’T STOP UNTIL WE OUT RUN THEM!” Deci yelled.

Dean sped off slinging dirt everywhere and Banana kept a worried eye on the rearview mirror.

“Hold still Rev. Hold still.” Deci said.

“Kinda hard to do when im bouncing all around back here.” He muttered.

“Im sorry! My baby has shocks but I didn’t get it fixed when I should have. God damn zombies made me miss my yearly inspection.” Dean said and he shoved the gas pedal down as far as it would go.

“Alright, now Rev, this is gonna hurt-“

“Please don’t tell me it’s gonna hurt unless you have beer.” He pleaded.

“I don’t have beer, and it’s still gonna hurt, so just.. bite this.” She shoved a bandana at him. “And just, try not to… cry or something.” Deci said.

“Ha ha.” Rev smiled a weak smile. “I’m not a pussy like Dean.”

Deci knew that even sitting still in a hospital environment she would still jab him unnecessarily so in the car it was going to be ten times worse.

“Alright, one, two-“
“Just fucking do whatever you’re gonna do, don’t count down!” He yelled.

“Three!” she yelled anyways.

She drove a metal scalpel deep into his arm, in fact a little too deep as they hit a bump, in hopes of getting the bullet out quickly. He screamed and this jumped Dean who accidentally hit the gas pedal.

“OUCH GOD DAMNIT!” Rev yelled in pain.

“I’m sorry, im sorry, just a little.. im sorry, Banana get a light on him will you?”

Banana reached in the back and grabbed a flash light and then shined it on what Deci was doing.

“I only have experience in the medical field of G.I. Joe bandaids.” Deci apologized to Rev.

“I can see that. Christ. This hurts.” He said.

Deci sneered slightly.

“Who are those crazy mother fuckers anyways?!” Banana asked. “Why can’t the crazy people be the first to go then the annoying little bit-“ She was cut off by Deci.

“Now is not the time for you to go on your tirade of who should die first to go in the human race!” She shouted.

“Hey. I would just like to remind everybody that I am oozing blood and dying here. I still could use a little patching up.” Rev groaned out.

Banana turned to Dean. “You lived here right? Is there any place that we could stop and would be completely over run with zombies?”

“Um…” Dean started to look all shifty like.

“Dean?”

“I uh, don’t actually know anything about this area.” He said not even looking at her.

“How- you know what? Never mind. Looks like your gonna have to patch him up while we attempt to shake the crazies.” Banana said glancing back.

Deci was working her hardest to try and get him patched up but with all the bumps and worry going on she was having difficulty trying to do a very good job.

“Hold still … it’s right.. GOT IT!” She yelled. “Holy shit.” She examined the bullet but Rev reached out and grabbed her arm.

“I’m … a little…dead…soon..” he muttered.

“You got shot in the arm Rev. You’re not dying.” She assured him.

He shook his head weakly. “Yeah but you just hit an artery or something. I can feel it.” He protested.

“You’ll be alright. I just need to stitch you back up. Dean I need a lighter. I need to stop the bleeding.”

“A LIGHTER! WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO WITH THAT!?” Rev asked seeming not so dead.

“I am going to stop the bleeding so you don’t die!” She yelled.

“OH JUST LEMME DIE!” He begged.

“You will be fine! You survived this far! You survived a drug problem! YOU WILL MAKE IT GOD DAMNIT! I did NOT do all that work for nothing!”

“Here.” Dean said handing back a lighter.

“Oh .. fucking… shit.” Rev closed his eyes.

“Squeeze .. .my hand… if you need to. But let’s hope you don’t. No better yet Banana?”

“Yes?” she turned around in the front seat to see them better.

“Hold his hand.” She instructed.

“What?” The expression on her face was quite blank for someone who sounded shocked.

“I said hold his hand. It’s only for a minute! It’s not like you’re making out with him!”

“Can’t I just light the lighter?” She asked.

“DO IT PLEASE!” She yelled.

Banana grabbed Rev’s hand and by the looks of things Deci thought she’d have to mend broken fingers next.

“Ready? I wont count down. Just … okay one, two, three!”

The screams that came from Rev were enough to make Dean even turn around in his seat.

“ROAD!” Banana yelled.

“Shit!” Dean yelled and focused.

“WHY DOES THIS HURT! I saw people get shot! Fiddy Cent got shot nine times and he didn’t whine like a bitch.” Rev said.

“That’s because-“

“Not now Dean.” Banana said.

Finally after getting the bleeding to stop Deci sighed. “Good news is, the bleeding has stopped I don’t need to do any stitching unless you fuck this up. Bad news is, you’re still ugly.”

“What?” Rev said in a childish tone.

“I’m just joking hun, relax.” She reached in the first aid kit for some gauze and then patched him up as best she could. His blood all over her and the back seat, she looked at Rev and mouthed ‘Don’t tell Dean.’

He nodded.

“Alright so now that I’m all patched up where do we go?”

About that time it was almost like a bad movie. Bullets went zinging through the back windshield.

“SHIIIIIT!” Everyone yelled.

“Well isn’t that just cute? We have to fight of the undead and the… un..dead..wait, how are zombies undead? They are dead.. but not really, never mind not important,” Dean was going on, “But seriously we have to go up against zombies, then we have to go up against real people… People who know what they’re doing with a gun obviously, either that or Rev has no idea how to dodge a bullet.”

“I should have asked Wayne Brady.” Rev muttered.

“He’s never been shot.” Banana said.

“Oh, he’s a rapper, I thought maybe..”

“Wayne Brady isn’t a rapper, jesus, how much blood did he lose?” Banana asked.

Deci shrugged. “I don’t know. A little bit at least…”

“A little bit? Little? Oh why don’t you lose some of your blood…just half of what I lost and tell me it feels like a little to you.” Rev snapped.

“Now now, guys we don’t need to turn on each other we need-“

But Dean was cut off by two large trucks barreling at them and more bullets being fired.

“What the hell do we do? I was not raised as a stunt driver, I was raised in the woods! I know how to chop wood! I don’t know how to drive like a crazy person!” Dean yelled.

“Um, I think that’s a little bitch of a lie.” Banana said.

“I don’t. I don’t have any idea-“

“Just pretend these people are trying to scratch your car.” Banana said finally.

Dean’s face become serious. “Hold on.” He said to them.

Dean started to swerve and then he started driving the way Ziva from NCIS would drive. That is if she was real and not just a fictional character. Everyone clung to their seats for dear life.

“Good God Dean. Just cause we gave you the license to drive crazy doesn’t mean you have the right to kill us in the process. Some of us value our lives and aren’t ready to die yet.” Banana said.

“Make up your damn mind! You tell me to drive crazy then its ‘No! Don’t kill us! Oh God!’ urgh!” Dean yelled.

Just then one of the trucks pulled up to the side of the Charger. The passenger had an Uzi.

“Johnny Christ!” Rev yelled and hit the floor, grabbing Deci and pulling her down.

“HANG ON!” Dean screamed and then slammed on his breaks. They stopped but the other Truck kept going.

“Phew.” Dean breathed.

But then the truck stopped and put it in reverse.

“SON OF A BITCH! MOVIES DON’T DO THAT!” He yelled and slammed on the gas pedal taking them forward. They sped past the truck.

“I have an idea!” Deci yelled. She reached under the seat for a bag. “I kind of hoped it wouldn’t come to this cuz I would hate to kill someone who is actually alive but…” She reached in the bag and produced a long round stick. It had a wick sticking out of the top.

“Gimme that lighter.” She said.

The Uzi was being fired in to the side of the car and everyone screamed like little girls. Including Deci and Banana.

Deci got her window rolled down and then broke off half of the fuse. She lit the lighter and it blew out but Rev helped her and finally she got it lit.

“Suck on this!” She threw it in to the back of the bed of the truck. Immediately the truck slammed on it’s breaks and just a few short seconds later BOOM!

“Drive, drive, who cares what it looks like just drive!” Banana yelled at Dean who apparently had been distracted by the bright lights.

He drove quickly and suddenly the other truck was on them. This time they weren’t as stupid just seeing their friends get blown to pieces so when Deci went to throw the pipe bomb out, they slowed and got behind the car.

“Stupid assholes. I hate how they learn quick. Damn evolution.” She cursed.

“Here, I have an idea.” Dean reached for a bomb, and then looked at Banana. “Take the wheel my lady.” And then stuck his whole upper half out the window.

“My lady… what the? Dean? DEAN!” Banana grabbed the wheel. “THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT THIS WOULD GO!” She yelled.

Dean couldn’t hear anything however and tried to light the bomb outside.

“GET IN HERE!” Banana was yelling

Finally he got the thing lit and he threw it strait into the windshield of the truck.

They too went up in a large ball of fire.

“YEAH! GET SOME!” Dean yelled.

He pulled his body back in to the car and looked at Banana with a large stupid grin.

“Don’t smile at me! Take the wheel!” She yelled.

When he took the wheel everyone relaxed a little. They drove until daylight was in full force.

After three more hours of driving they stumbled upon a dirt road. They followed it for a little while and came across a cabin.

“I remember this place.” Dean said when they pulled up to it.

“I thought you didn’t know the place well.” Banana asked.

“I was under a lot of pressure at the time.” Dean said looking at her. She just rolled her eyes.

“Well we should go check everything out. Rev you’re hurt so you-“
“How about no.” Rev said sitting up. “I am fine, even though you probably did more damage than good.”

Deci wanted to punch him but caught herself. She might accidentally hit where the bullet had went in. Then she narrowed her eyes. Who cared? Maybe that’s what she was going to aim for.

“I know what you’re thinking. Please don’t look at me like you wanna stab me.” Rev said.

“Alright we need to get in there and check everything out. Hopefully those people won’t come back after us.” Dean said.

“Um, Im pretty sure THOSE people won’t be coming back for us. Last I saw they were pretty crispy.” Banana said.

“True. Maybe they could come back as crispy zombies.” Dean said.

“No. That isn’t possible.” Banana said.

“But-“

“No. Just. No.”

“Alright then!” Deci opened her door and stepped out and then grabbed for her gun. She caught Revs facial expression and he seemed still in a fog, and she felt bad for wanting to punch him a few seconds ago.

“Let’s get this over with.” Dean said and he got out as well.

They all walked up to the front door and Dean decided he and Banana would take the back and around the cabin. He wanted Rev and Deci to go in.

“I think you have it out for us.” Deci said.

“I think they just want to make out.” Rev said.

Then they parted ways.

“So Rev, how are you feeling?” Deci asked as they walked up the front steps.

“I feel better now that the bullet is not inserted in my arm. And that … and I guess.. Well I feel alright. I feel like shit.”

Deci sighed. He needed a beer.

“Lets just take this easy then shall we?” She asked him.

“Yeah sure. If you need a break that’s cool with me.” He grinned. She just shook her head.