Diary Of A Lonely Girl

3rd May 2010

The movement of my bed was what woke me up. I didn’t really know where I was, not until I had Jessica trying to open my eyes, and wake me up further. She was sat right over me, if anyone walked in, it could have looked like to them, something far more then it really was.

“Mazie!” she whined. Moving my hands ever so slowly from my side, just slow enough for her to not realise until it was too late. I grabbed her sides and began to tickle once again. Her squeals of laughter erupted a smile across my face.

Opening my eyes finally, when I was fully sure she didn’t have her tiny fingers in range of poking me in the eyes, I watched as her body squirmed from one side to the next. How I loved her smile, the sound of her laughter. It was almost like music to my ears...to hear her happy, content and smiling happily in the world. That was all I ever wanted for her. To be happy.

Just like yesterday morning, my mum walked to the door. Watching us with her slim smile. I wasn’t going to forget her mood yesterday, how she left me out...but I could never get angry at her. She is my mum after all.
Jessica caught sight of her and again, bounded over to her. Giving her a huge hug that I wished she’d give me...but I put that also to the back of my mind, and pulled myself out of bed.

Grabbing hold of a clean pair of jeans, a t-shirt that didn’t look to creased, and some clean underwear, I walked past the two of them, happily chatting, and walked into the small bathroom.
Now...you may think, small would mean toilet, bath, sink...well, this had only a toilet and a shower. We had no sink, we had no cabinet that you see in peoples houses to hold all of there toothbrushes or things like that. We didn’t have a towel rail either...all our towels would be wedged somewhere in our rooms, because there was no where else to put them.

Stripping down to my underwear, I breathed in deeply, before looking down at my body. I’m not one of those people who self harm, I don’t get beaten, I don’t find someway to damage my body. But when I look down at myself, all I can see is my bones sticking out. My hips, ribs, collar bone. I looked like a walking skeleton and it wasn’t pretty.
Biting my bottom lip hard, I pulled my eyes away from the horrible sight, and jumped into the shower. This day has got to get better...I wish.

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Only 10 minutes later, I was out of the shower and completely dressed. Jessica was running around the house, looking for something so I decided to just sit in my room while she got ready.
I looked up at my clock to see it was only 8:31am...wondering how long the day was going to take, till I got to lay in bed and fall asleep to my nightmares. Would you like to hear one of them?? It’s not that long...I’m sure.

I was walked with Jessica to some park I had no idea where it was. I was holding her hand, our fingers were linked like we usually have them, just so I had more grip on her if something was to happen.
We walked around this park, the trees were covered in snow, every pine needle held on as much as it could, before the snow got to heavy, and it was pulled from its place and fell to the ground. The whole scenery was beautiful, but there was something that felt dangerous about it.

Jessica pulled my arm towards a small play area, the swings were empty and there was no one around. I felt afraid suddenly, not wanting to be in this park anymore...but she kept pulling and soon I had to obey.
After rushing ahead of me, opening the gate and running with her hands in the air to the swing, I began to see shadows...
Now, you may think I’m crazy...shadows, what can a shadow do?? Well shadows are the one thing that can set your mind in panic mode, because they could belong to anyone...or the term, anything.

I followed Jessica to the swings. She was already sat down, waiting for me to start pushing her. My eyes watched our surroundings. If I started pushing her, we would lose time in escaping if something did happen...

“Mazie! Push me!” she whined at me. I had to push her so she didn’t sense something was wrong. So I did...it took a while to get her high enough that I could barely reach the seat of the swing, but that’s when it happened...

The shadows moved.

I held my breath as they somehow floated over to us. My arms trying to grab hold of the swing when it came closer to me, but it was just out of reach now...she was in danger if I couldn’t get to her.
I eyed the shadows again, they were only a few feet away...and I still couldn’t get to Jessica. Suddenly I heard her scream...I looked up and saw a shadow was holding her little arm. Her eyes were looking down into mine and I froze. I couldn’t move...it felt like I was frozen in time because no matter what I did, I’d lose her...

The next thing I knew, my head thumbed against the floor. My sight was turning black but I watched as the shadows gathered around Jessica...her small body being pulled one way and another, her eyes searching for mine. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t safe her...
And then the dark took over.

“Mazie!” Jessica screamed into my face. I jumped back, startled at seeing how close her face was to mine. The memory of my dream made me feel empty, so I closed my arms around her body and pressed it against mine. I knew she was confused, I could just sense her adorable face looking puzzled at her older sister holding her closely, but I didn’t care...I wasn’t worrying about that, I just needed to feel her against me, to remember that was all just a dream. Nothing like that would really happen, and I still have my little sister.