Status: New, comments much appreciated (:
Baby Steps
Im trying not to fall apart but I have no one to hold me together.
It’s Saturday night, and I am laying here alone – smoking cigarette after cigarette and wallowing in my self-pity while I attempted to cheer myself up with a few glasses of wine. Poppy is out with her latest ‘boyfriend’, though that probably won’t last long. It never does. Sure, I had other friends I could go out with, but it was almost like a tradition for it to be Poppy and I.
Poppy and I had been best friends since we were 14 years old. She was the first person who I told about my sexuality, the one who used to help steal bottles of wine from my parents cupboard and sit on a park bench drinking it with me, the one who I used to cry to, who kicked all the assholes in the nuts when ever I got the shit kicked out of me. She’s the one who saved me, over and over again. She was the only one I could rely on, could trust these days, because love wasn’t there to save me this time. And besides, she was still the only one who knew what I struggled with on a daily basis. She had gone through the same thing at one point, and it was almost eerie that we both had the same trigger.
Without her I feel lost. The feeling of emptiness is getting more and more common with me these days. Just turned twenty and newly divorced, that says a lot just by itself. I hated feeling this dependent and clingy, but I just couldn’t help it. Im trying not to fall apart but I have no one to hold me together.
The few glasses of wine ended up being the entire bottle, the luscious red liquid becoming a tool to help me relax, to block out my worries as well as the sharp pain in my stomach. The room was spinning but I hadn’t noticed until I attempted to stand up, falling straight back down onto the couch with a giggle.
What the hell was I even still doing here? That’s the question I ended up asking myself out loud. And, unlike the other times I had asked it, I didn’t mean in life or shit like that.
It’s a Saturday night. The tv is too blurry for my to properly focus on, and im not sure how much longer ill be safe alone with my thoughts.
It could be the alcohol, but a thought hit me: I’m still young, why become trapped in what once was? Why not go out, get (even more) wrecked and have a good time? So that was my new plan. It took me long enough to stumble to the bedroom, but I got there. It took another twenty minutes to find what I wanted. The tightest jeans and shirt I owned –If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?
Sorry Poppy, but this time im painting the town red without you.
Poppy and I had been best friends since we were 14 years old. She was the first person who I told about my sexuality, the one who used to help steal bottles of wine from my parents cupboard and sit on a park bench drinking it with me, the one who I used to cry to, who kicked all the assholes in the nuts when ever I got the shit kicked out of me. She’s the one who saved me, over and over again. She was the only one I could rely on, could trust these days, because love wasn’t there to save me this time. And besides, she was still the only one who knew what I struggled with on a daily basis. She had gone through the same thing at one point, and it was almost eerie that we both had the same trigger.
Without her I feel lost. The feeling of emptiness is getting more and more common with me these days. Just turned twenty and newly divorced, that says a lot just by itself. I hated feeling this dependent and clingy, but I just couldn’t help it. Im trying not to fall apart but I have no one to hold me together.
The few glasses of wine ended up being the entire bottle, the luscious red liquid becoming a tool to help me relax, to block out my worries as well as the sharp pain in my stomach. The room was spinning but I hadn’t noticed until I attempted to stand up, falling straight back down onto the couch with a giggle.
What the hell was I even still doing here? That’s the question I ended up asking myself out loud. And, unlike the other times I had asked it, I didn’t mean in life or shit like that.
It’s a Saturday night. The tv is too blurry for my to properly focus on, and im not sure how much longer ill be safe alone with my thoughts.
It could be the alcohol, but a thought hit me: I’m still young, why become trapped in what once was? Why not go out, get (even more) wrecked and have a good time? So that was my new plan. It took me long enough to stumble to the bedroom, but I got there. It took another twenty minutes to find what I wanted. The tightest jeans and shirt I owned –If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?
Sorry Poppy, but this time im painting the town red without you.
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments?Much love<3