Dear God

Blaine slouched lower down into the plastic chair. He hated this. He tried talking to Dawn on multiple occasions but she was persistent on ignoring him. He grabbed a fistful of hair in agitation and tugged at it. He didn’t know why he had let his anger posses him and allow him to say those things to her but he was angry. He couldn’t help it. He’s not perfect. He messes up. Being his sister, she should at least know that much about him. The thing about her was that, she was forgiving. Dawn always gave him second chances. So the thought that he may have just run out of second chances, worried him; especially given the circumstances.

[~*][~*][~*][~*]

Casey ran her fingers through Blaine’s hair, soothingly. She could see he was beyond upset and the fact that she may be the reason, is killing her.

“You alright?” She whispered into his hair.

“No, not really.”

She tightened her hold around him, trying to comfort him as best she could but it was no use. He refused to get out of his slump. From the way he’s been acting, it’s more like he’s the one in hospital and not his sister.

“Blaine, I think you need to go home.”

That must have caught his attention because for the first time he looked up, “What?”

“You need to go home, eat and take a shower. This isn’t good for you.”

“Case, I can’t leave. What if something happens when I’m away?”

“Nothing will happen, okay? I promise I’ll call you if anything does.”

Blaine contemplated this for a while, he did smell atrocious after three days of no showers and his stomach was on the brink of exploding from hunger but it wasn’t about him
anymore. He couldn’t leave.

“I don’t know.”

“Blaine please? For Dawn’s sake so at least you’ll look…healthy when you next see her. She’s already got enough on her plate, the last thing she needs is you to worry about.”
She knew he’d cave. It was low of her to pull out the sister card but there was no other way to get him to listen to her and it was for his own good.
She silently counted in her head.

Three.

Two.

And one.

“Fine” He gave in.

She smiled and leaned over to peck him on the cheek.

[~*][~*][~*][~*]

Blaine’s stomach gave a growl of satisfaction as he continued to devour the tuna sandwich. For the first time in days, he felt somewhat content. He was clean; he was shaved and soon wouldn’t be hungry. Well as un-hungry as guys can get.
Feeling much better, he decided to wander. This house held so many memories; neither good nor bad. Just memories.

Moments passed as he soon found himself in his little sister’s room, once again. Everything about the situation felt like a cruel sense of De Ja Vu. It was like a force of habit now; he walked over to her bed and crouched down. He felt for pieces of paper underneath the mattress. It was his version to reading her diary and in his defense, that’s standard behavior for older brothers. The piece of paper in his hands had water stains and much messier writing than usual.

Dear God,

Did I do something wrong? Because every time something good happens, something bad has to happen to. As soon as mummy agrees to buy the dress I’ve been wanting, it’s not there anymore. As soon as Blaine and I start to get along, He gets a girlfriend and ignores me again. I made a bucket list but then I find out I’m most likely not going to live to complete it. So for whatever I did wrong, I want to say I’m really sorry and hope that it doesn’t stop me from going to heaven.

Love

Dawn

Tears spilled down his face, uncontrollably. He hadn’t cried this much in his life as he has these past weeks. Who could blame him though? What brother could read these notes from their little sisters and keep a straight face. No eight year-old should have to think these things. What hurt the most was that he was again one of the causes.