Moment Of Truth

Closing the door behind me, I leaned up against it and slid down to the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face in my hands when I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.

From behind the door I could still hear the dull sound of the music from downstairs. I just wanted to get away from it all. I kicked off my shoes and threw them angrily across the room. I couldn’t handle the heels any more. I didn’t care I was so short, my feet were fucking killing me.

After a few minutes of sitting alone in the dark guestroom I slowly rose to my feet. I turned on the lights and walked over to a mirror hanging on the wall. I looked horrible. I opened my purse and pulled out my small make up bag. I tried to fix my make up the best I could.

Once I looked decent again I walked out of the room, not bothering to put the shoes back on. This was my best friend’s house so I could just come and get them later.

I walked down the stairs and was immediately hit by the strong smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol. A lot of people were gathered in the lounge but I walked passed and continued into the kitchen were less people were hanging out. But I regretted my decision as soon as I caught eyes with him, the reason for my tears. Always has been, always will be.

We were best friends, but he meant so much more to me than that. And he never knew. But I had always believed he would be my saving grace. He had been there for me through so many rough times in my life it just felt so right.

I held my breath as he walked up to me; it was too late to run now. He gave me that smile, that drunken smile I knew didn’t bode well. “Hey, baby.”

That’s what he usually called me. We were close, super close. We’ve known each other our whole lives, our parents were best friends so it just happened that way.

He wrapped his arms around me and almost fell as he reached down to my height. I could smell the alcohol raiding off of him but I knew better than to say anything.

“John,” I sighed and hugged him back, steadying him, keeping him from falling. He knew exactly what I thought about his drinking and wild partying ways, but he never did anything about it. He didn’t listen to me, but I was okay with that.

“Where have you been all night, Libby? I haven’t seen much of you.” He slurred on his words. He pulled back from the hug but still held his hands on my shoulder to keep himself steady.

“I’ve been around; you’ve just been busy with your girlfriend.” I muttered, feeling sad again. She was the other reason for my misery. They had been all over each other, especially tonight, their first night home after a long tour. But of course he didn’t know that either and I never planned on telling him.

“Yeah, where did Anna go?” And just like that I was forgotten. He disappeared out of the room leaving me alone with his band mates, our mutual friends.

“Libby!” Garret exclaimed like he just now noticed my presence. I put a smile on my face and walked over to them. “Want one?” He held up a beer for me to take but I shook my head no, looking down at my hands. I was staying sober tonight. “What’s wrong?” He asked noticing my sad expression.

I looked up into his eyes. He was not sober, but he definitely wasn’t as drunk as John. I shrugged to answer his question, not really in the mood to talk about it.

This was no news to them. This had been going on for so long, it didn’t take long enough for them to figure out what was going on. I was normally pretty outspoken and not the best at hiding my emotions and sometimes it surprised me that John didn’t know. Sometimes I was sure he did know but just chose to ignore it because he didn’t feel the same.

“How much has he been drinking?” I asked them, they knew exactly who I was talking about.

“Too much.” Kennedy said with an eye roll. “Why don’t you try to talk to him?”

“He doesn’t listen to me. I think I’m just going to go home.” I sighed. They all nodded, understanding, and bid their goodbye to me. I was just about to walk outside when I remembered I had left my shoes upstairs. I sighed and turned around to go and get them.

I opened the door to the room I had been hiding in before and sighed when I noticed John laying sprawled out on the floor. Thinking he was passed out from the amount of alcohol he had been consuming, I walked over and nudged him gently in his side with my foot.

“John, wake up.” I mumbled, crouching down next to him.

He pushed my hands away from him. “Fucking whore!” He murmured, still with his eyes closed.

I rose to my feet, feeling offended; he had never called me that before. “John, what the fuck!?” I scoffed.

“Just standing there sucking face with that douche, in my own freaking house! Fucking slut!” He continued his rambling, ignoring my outburst.

I calmed down once I realized he wasn’t talking to me, but about Anna. To be honest I was quite happy he was mad at her. Not because she had cheated on him, because I didn’t want him to hurt but I had never liked her. Honestly I had never liked any of his girlfriends, simply because they were not me.

I sat down on my knees and stroke his face gently. “John,” I said trying to make him open his eyes.

He stopped his rambling and looked up into my eyes. “Libby.” He mumbled, trying to sit up. I got him to lean against the wall and he quickly pulled me into his lap and buried his face in my neck as he held onto me tightly. “She’s fucking cheating on me.” His voice was muffled but I could still make out his words.

I felt his hot breath on my neck and got goose bumps on my skin. “Shh, it’s gonna be alright.” I said comfortingly, running my fingers through his hair.

“I love you, Libby.” He pulled his face out of my neck and looked deeply into my eyes. Even though I knew he meant total platonic, it still felt so good to hear him say that.

“I love you, John.” I whispered, meaning every word.

His eyes scanned my face, stopping to look at my lips a few times. I blushed but didn’t pull away from him. Then he did the unthinkable, he leaned in and placed his lips on mine. I was caught off guard, but it didn’t take me long to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back.

My heart was beating rapidly and butterflies filled my stomach. He parted his lips and moved them against my own passionately. His hand moved up to my neck and pulled me closer to him. I shifted so I was straddling his thighs and pressed our chests together.

He groaned and pulled away from my lips, kissing down my jaw. “You’re beautiful.” He mumbled. I smiled, he was a sweet talker. He always knew what I wanted to hear, one of the reasons I fell for him so hard.

His hands were on my thighs, making gentle strokes. I ground my hips into his, feeling him getting hard inside his jeans. I moaned at the contact and brought his lips back to mine hungrily.

I didn’t even think, I didn’t want to think. I had no idea how far we were going to go with this or what was going to happen next. Did I want to have sex with John? The answer was easy, but did I really want it to be like this? He was so drunk he probably wouldn’t even remember this in the morning. But maybe, maybe things would change after this. I could only hope.

“What the hell is going on here?” I heard someone yell from the door way. I turned my head and saw Anna standing there with a pissed off look on her face.

In one swift motion, John pushed me off him and stumbled to his feet. “It-It’s not w-what it looks like,” He stuttered.

“Not what it looks like, my ass. You have a fucking hard on, John!” Anna yelled.

I couldn’t believe him. After what she did to him, he still felt the need to explain himself to her. I shook my head as a tear fell down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away before any one noticed. Not that they acknowledged my presence anyway. I was left forgotten on the floor.

“I’m so sorry, Anna. But it didn’t mean any thing; I mean it’s just Libby.”

My heart broke at his words. I knew then that nothing would ever change. He would never see in any different way.

I took my shoes and ran out of the room, out of the house, just in time for my tear streams. I sobbed as I slowly walked home with my shoes in my hand. I was walking in the middle of the street in the middle of the night, but I didn’t care.

I was giving up. I would always remember how his lips taste, but there was nothing I could do to make him stay. I would always love him in a way, I guess, but I couldn’t go on like this. It wasn’t healthy for me. After this, I knew I could never look at him the same way again. It didn’t feel so right any more, I had to get out.

At the corner of his street I turned around and looked at his house. I had hoped that maybe he would follow me but the street was empty. Because I was just Libby. Why would he be following me?

Right then, I decided I wasn’t going to cry for him no more. I was just going to continue the search of my saving grace, because I now know it wasn’t him.