I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Alex panicked as he watched Delilah collapse on the floor. He checked her pulls, which was a little slow, and realized she wasn’t breathing. He was about to call an ambulance, memories of all those years ago flashed through his mind, when Delilah’s eyes fluttered open.

She was still laying flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. She turned her head to see Alex standing frozen, his cell in his hand. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me up?” She muttered. Alex flew to her side and helped her to the couch.

They didn’t say anything and Delilah saw the document next to her on the couch, where Alex had dropped it after she fainted. She flipped it open and took a picture out of it. Tears were forming in her eyes. Alex, who was sitting next to her, glanced over her shoulder to look at the picture.

In the picture there was a young girl, about sixteen years old, with long wavy blond hair and piercing green eyes, in a hospital bed, holding a new born baby. The girl was smiling and looking at her child.

Alex’s eyes shifted back to the dark haired 18 year old girl next to him. “She was so perfect Alex. So incredibly perfect.” Delilah spoke, her eyes not leaving the picture in front of her. “She was so innocent, she didn’t deserve to die, if someone should have died it was me.”

Alex anger had calmed down, he was able to think again and something clicked in his mind. “Don’t say that Lily. I know it’s unfair, but I’m glad you’re still here.”

Delilah’s eyes snapped up to Alex’s face at the sound of her real name. “Took you long enough.” She whispered. “Why lily?” Why’d you leave. Please tell me.” Alex pleaded. “You’ve read this, right?” Lily pointed to the dossier. “Then you know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was when I got back, but I hated you Al. I despised you, I couldn’t stand to be near you. You hurt me more than I thought you ever could.” Lily sniffled.

She wiped away her tears. “I blamed you for her dead Alex, I know it wasn’t your fault, but I still did. I blamed you, I blamed myself. When I first got back I initially intended to ignore you, pretend you didn’t exist, but you were so nice to me and after a while it started to feel like I never left. I didn’t want to ruin that by telling you the truth. Please forgive me.”

“F-forgive you!?” Alex choked out. “Lily, I should be the one begging you for forgiveness. I’m the one that caused all this drama.” He pulled her into his arms. “I missed you Lil, I’m so sorry. You know how sorry I am. I love you.” Lily smiled a little. “I love you too Alex.”

Alex couldn’t stop himself any longer and leaned closer until their lips met. Lily happily returned the kiss, feeling happier than she had in a long, long time.

After a few minutes Alex pulled away. “We have to tell the rest.” He said enthusiastically, but Lily shook her head. “No Alex, they can’t know. I don’t want anyone to know what happened. What I’ve done. Please understand that.”

Alex face fell for a second, but after a second his smile returned. “Okay, if that’s what you want. I’m way too happy to have you back. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, you mean so much to me.” He pulled her into a hug with the intension of never letting her go again.

“Really? Would you even leave me alone if I asked you to.” Lily said softly. “You want me to go?” Alex asked confused. “Not go, leave me alone, for good.” She clarified. Alex eyes widened. “No. I would do anything for you, except that! Why would you even asked that.” His voice a little higher than usual.

She didn’t say anything, but Alex could sense something was wrong. To break the silence he asked the one question that, deep inside, he was secretly afraid to ask. “Lily, why’d you come back.”

Lily back away, out of his arms. “Alex don’t. Please don’t ask that.” She shuddered lightly. “Lily what’s wrong?” She sobbed quietly. “I can’t Alex, that’s why it’s better for you to just leave me alone. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come back.”

Alex cupped her face and forced Lily to look at him. “Tell me.” He was getting scared, but knew he had to stay strong for Lily. “I’m sick Alex.” She mumbled. Alex exhaled, he thought something was seriously wrong. “That not too bad, is it? Well get you to a doctor or a hospital. You’ll be fine.”

Lily shook her head. “No Alex, I’m not. I’m very sick, it’s my heart, I’m not really sure what it is, the doctors explained it, but it’s very complicated. They said it’s because I was pretty much numb for months after I left. You know how I told you I hardly eat or drink anything or get any sleep? Well, my body couldn’t take it. The fact I was in the same state again after Ally died, didn’t help either, it got worse.” She explained.

“So it’s a little worse than a cold, but we’ll get you the best doctors we can find, they’ll make you better.” Alex said stubbornly. “Alex!” Lily said sternly, shutting him up. “I’m not getting better Alex.” She whispered. “That’s the reason I came back. I wanted to see everyone again, I really missed them.”

“Then why can’t I tell them you’re back?” Alex was getting really confused. “For the same reason I asked you to leave me alone! I don’t think they can handle another goodbye, especially when this time it’s a final goodbye.” “Final? Lily what…?” Alex’s eyes widened in realization. “No! Lily don’t make jokes like that! It’s not funny.” “I’m not joking. Alex, I’m dying.”
Those words seemed to set off an explosion. Alex jumped up from the couch and started pacing around. Suddenly he stood still and punched a wall. Lily watched as Alex torn down her apartment, hitting and throwing things.

Finally he collapsed on the floor and started crying. Lily hurried to his side. “Please, don’t cry Alex.” She tried to comfort him. “You can’t leave me again Lil. Please don’t do this to me.” He sobbed, clutching her shirt in his fists. “There has to be a way to get you better. Just please don’t leave me again. I can’t handle another goodbye.”

Lily let him cry in her chest, ruining her shirt. “I’m sorry Alex.” She mumbled and kissed the top of his head. Alex’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her as close as possible. “I’m not letting you go.” He mumbled. “Ever.”

Lily didn’t say anything and just let him hold her, knowing he couldn’t keep his promise, because a final goodbye was coming, probably even sooner than later.