Waiting

I sat huddled up in a ball under my jacket on top of the bed in Zacky's guest bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all. I wasn't welcomed here, I couldn't stop thinking about my mother and Joe, and to top it all off, my throat was burning since I hadn't eaten of drank anything all day. I tip toed down the stairs, still in the clothes I was in earlier, and got some water from the kitchen.

"I hope you're happy now."

I turned mid-sip to face Tori. My eyebrows furrowed. Why on earth would I be happy when all I want to do is die?

"What am I happy about?"

"For ruining my life," She muttered, her eyes narrowing even more, if that were possible. “This is a sick plan you've got, even for a fan."

"Why do you keep calling me a fan? What am I a fan of?"

Tori sighed deeply, causing my exasperation to rise as she pinched to bridge of her nose. "My father! He's only the rhythm guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold."

"Oh." I can honestly say that I have never ever heard of them in my life.

"You better hope that test tomorrow is negative for your sake." Tori said as I was placing my cup in the sink. I couldn't take it anymore as I crossed my arms and glared at her as her eyebrows furrowed.

"Why are you such a bitch?"

"Nobody likes a home wreaker," She said before leaving.

I sighed, trying my hardest not to cry. What was I going to do?

~

Zacky knocked on my door around 7:30 to take me to get my blood taken. I was terrified of needles, but I didn't tell him. I was more worried that he would notice the deep purple bags under my eyes that I had vainly tried to cover up. I didn't sleep at all last night and surprised I was even functioning right.

It was all a blur this morning. We were in the car and then the next thing I know a needle's being jabbed in my arm and Zacky and I are sitting in the waiting room for over three hours. I was getting a little hungry by the time the nurse came back with a giant Manila folder containing the test results. Then we were sitting in the car in Zacky's driveway.

"It came out 99.99% positive. You're my daughter." He murmured, grinning at me while we entered his house. His smile was contagious, and soon graced my face too.

Gena came out of the kitchen while wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Well, how did it go?"

Then I noticed Tori at the top of the stairs like she just rolled out of bed, even though it was noon. My smile faded. "How did what go?"

"It came out positive," Zacky said and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "welcome to the family."

One look at Tori and I wanted to disappear. Her fists were tightly clenched at her sides, and angry, I presume, tears trickled down her face. Zacky said something and left. I left too, before Tori could call me a home wreaker again. I went to "my room" and took a shower, trying to make myself presentable. I wanted to go home, but the bruises on my stomach and thighs reminded me that I really didn't. I just wanted to belong somewhere, which was definitely not here.

I sat with my skinny jean covered knees to my chest in a lawn chair as this guy named Jimmy told me jokes. I wasn't really paying attention to anything he or Matt was saying, just laughing here or there. I kept watching Tori whenever she wasn't watching me. I wished I could've been her instead of me. Maybe then I would be happy. Maybe then somebody like Joe would've never been in the picture at all.

"Bitch! I provide everything in the household, and you still need something? I just can't seem to make you happy, now can I?" Joe growled through his clenched teeth, the alcohol reeking from his breath.

My thirteen-year-old self quivered as Joe stared down at her. I wanted to tell him that as long as he was around, I would never be happy. But I knew I'd only make it worse. He threw my tiny frame against the mirror in the hall, the glass shattering around me. I never did tell him that all I need was five dollars to buy a box of pads.

"Madisyn, you there?" Jimmy waved his hand in front of my face, "The lights are on but nobody's home."

I nodded, curling up tighter, only to hear Tori scream at Brian. "Why doesn't anyone understand?! It will never go back to normal! Hello, I'm the real child, I'm the one that truly matters!"

"Victoria Baker," Zacky stood up from his spot by the pool, "you will apologize this instant!"

"No." She said. I watched her run from the backyard. Jimmy slowly got up and followed her, turning all the attention towards me. I hate being in the spot light. I hate it even more when the mask I try to hide behind starts to crack.

"Madisyn, are you okay?" Zacky murmured, slowly padding over to me.

I quickly stood up and slowly made my way over towards the patio door. "Yeah. I'm just going to the bathroom."

Then I ran as fast as I could to the downstairs toilet. Locking the door, I slid down onto the bathroom's tile floor. Tori was right, she was the "important" one, as she said. This was her family, not mine, as much as I wish it was. This was her home, to which I had come into and turned it upside down. This wasn't my place; I wouldn't ever have a place.

I splashed some cold water on my face to get rid of some tear tracks I hadn't even noticed. I even flushed the toilet for good measure. Have to keep up with appearances.

When I returned outside, everybody, except Tori and Jimmy, were sitting around the patio table eating. Matt patted a space between Zacky and him for me to sit, a plate already made up for me. I wasn't hungry at all, but I pretended to eat some of my salad and grilled chicken. I was just pushing the food around my plate.

"Sorry." Tori spat behind me. I jumped and turned, watching her sit on the other side of Gena. I knew she didn't mean it; she probably never would. It still pricked at my heart.

"May I please be excused?" I whispered. I didn't even wait for a reply as I high tailed it to my room.

Being the big baby I am, I started crying with a pillow pushed against my face to muffle the sound. I cried because of my abandonment, the finding of my father, the hatred from Tori, the unwelcome feeling, the abuse of my childhood, and just to cry. I haven't cried in so long it felt good, until I couldn't stop. Flashes of that night ran through my mind, pain crawled on top of my skin, and screams filled my ears. I wanted to die.

I started to calm down long into the night. I watched the stars and listened to the movements around the house. Zacky's friends leaving, Zacky singing a song to Tori, people walking past my door, and dogs running around the house all filtered its way through my closed door and into my ears. Nobody even stopped at my door.

I didn't sleep at all again.