Seventeen Ain't So Sweet

The first time I knew I was really different from the other kids, I was in fifth grade.

My best friend Stephanie had stolen a pack of cigarettes from her mom’s drawer, and we were sitting behind the gas station trying to figure out how to light them up. We’d only managed to singe the end of the little white stick, and Steph was getting frustrated.

“My parents make it look so fucking easy!” she growled, and I flinched like I always did when she said bad words.

Stephanie was a rebel. At almost eleven years old she cussed like a sailor and had gone to second base with a boy. I couldn’t figure out what he’d been feeling, but the fact was she’d been there. Her hair was naturally brown and dyed black with streaks of pink and blue. She wore a fake nose ring that she only took off when they made her at school and to go to bed.

I was a goody goody, like Steph always told me. My mom kept me kind of sheltered, and I chalked it up to my dad dying when I was still just a baby. My hair was a silvery blonde, and the wildest thing I was allowed to do with it was layers and bangs. If I even considered wearing a fake piercing my mom would have grounded me for a year, so I didn’t. Not that I wanted to anyway.

“Ha! I got it!” exclaimed Stephanie.

She collapsed into a violent coughing fit, making me giggle at her. A puff of smoke finally released from her lungs, and I waved it away with a disgusted face. Steph smiled through her watering eyes, holding it out to me.

“I don’t know if I want to.”

Her wide brown eyes rolled at me. “Don’t be a pussy all of your life, Halle. Live a little!”

With a sigh I took it from her fingers, bringing it to my lips cautiously and bringing in some smoke. I held it in my cheeks, my lips puckering at the horrible taste. Stephanie laughed hard at me as I blew it out, gagging behind my hand.

“Like you were any better.” I croaked, passing it back to her. “That’s gross.”

“Whatever. It’s cool.” Steph took another drag and hacking on it. “What should we do now?”

I looked around the alley, then shrugged. It was in the afternoon, and my mom thought I was at Steph’s and vice versa. We didn’t have any money, and there wasn’t much to do that was free except loiter or go to the park.

“We could go back to your house.” I suggested.

Steph shook her head. “My parents are fighting again.”

We fell silent. There was no discussion whether to go over to my house or not. The only reason Steph ever came over was to eat my mom’s great cooking. Besides that there was nothing to do at my house. Steph was over playing Barbie, and that was basically all I had.

“Let’s go sneak onto the bridge!” Steph shouted suddenly, making me jump.

“It’s under construction.”

The bridge that went to the old rubber factory near the outside of town was being worked on. The metal beams that were holding it up had started to rust and bend, and it had to be usable for when the factory was torn down and a mall built in its place.

“That’s why we’re sneaking onto it, dumbass.” Steph rolled her eyes again. “It’ll be awesome. Come on.”

Like the good friend I was I sucked it up and followed Steph, my hands in the pockets of my denim shorts. I was wearing pink high-tops and a Scooby-Doo t-shirt, my hair in a ponytail. Steph was decked out in her dad’s cargo pants, which she’d cut into shorts and tied around her waist with a blue bungee cord, as well as a black t-shirt that was way too big for her which read ‘I don’t give a damn ‘bout my bad reputation!’

To say the least we looked a little weird walking down the street together. Like if Wednesday Adams had gone for a stroll with Marsha Brady.

“Won’t we get in trouble if we get caught out there?” I crossed my arms.

“We won’t get caught. Chill out, Halle.”

I grimaced at her when she wasn’t looking, thinking about how she was always getting me into trouble. Over all the years Steph somehow hadn’t realized what a prude my mom was.

“What if we fall in?”

Steph groaned and shoved me. “You’re totally killing my buzz! It’s going to be fun, okay? The risk is half of what makes it so cool.”

“I would rather be alive than cool.” I grumbled low enough where Steph couldn’t understand me.

“This is the perfect day, Halle. Look, the sky is all gray and creepy. I bet the waves are big, too.”

My heart sped up in my chest. “You aren’t making me want to do this any more, Stephanie.”

“Jesus, just relax. I’ll give you my phone and you can take a picture of me when I’m out there.”

I nodded. “Whatever. Just don’t take any of me or my mom will freak.”

“I already knew, dude. There it is!”

The bridge was in sight, and my stomach sank down to my feet. It was blocked off with wood panels and hazard cones, but that was all that was between us and open air. All the road was removed, leaving only a few thin metal rods hanging above the water. And Steph was right, the water was a deep foreboding gray and the waves were larger than usual.

“Sa-weet!” crowed Steph, leaping ahead of me towards the bridge.

I took a few more steps then stood frozen, about four feet away from the edge of the concrete. My supposed best friend flipped me off, laughing as she almost lost her balance. I felt like I was going to throw up just watching her step out onto the thin beam.

“This is so beyond the limits of stupid.” I shouted over the wind, and Steph ignored me.

She threw her arms into the air and screeched at the top of her lungs, trailing off into mad cackles. The wind whipped her hair around, turning her smiling cheeks bright pink quickly. I started to get envious. Maybe it was a really freeing experience, and I would hate myself for missing out on it.

I filled my lungs and forced myself to the very edge of the street. Only a few centimeters separated me and open air. I could see myself falling into the icy waves, flailing helplessly as my limbs locked up in the cold, sinking down and down and down and being just another sad story in the paper. Another idiot kid who did something reckless and paid for it.

“I’m flying!” shrieked Steph, her eyes blown wide and manic. I wanted that.

Against my better judgment I took that last step, putting my pink sneaker onto the two or three inch wide bar that kept me from plummeting to a horrible death. My fingernails were biting into my palms, my bottom lip held securely in my teeth for some reason. Maybe comfort.

“You’re doing it, Halle!” Steph punched an arm in the air triumphantly, making me worry for her balance.

“I hate you.” I managed to get my mouth open to say.

“You love me. Without me you’d be a shut-in…Watch this!”

Steph winked at me and then jumped. I screamed. She landed with an ‘oomph’, catching herself on the other side of the bridge, obviously horrified and delighted she’d made it all at once. I snarled at her, hating her for scaring me like that.

“That isn’t funny at all, Stephanie Alexis!” My heart was hammering and I couldn’t find it funny.

“No, it was epic!” Steph stood up on shaky legs, beaming at me. “Try it.”

“No way!”

Steph smirked evilly. “If you don’t come out farther I’ll do it again.”

“Don’t.” I could only narrow my eyes at her, my arms shaking as I fought against gravity.

Steph crouched like she was going to jump again, but her foot slipped.

Time seemed to stop as I watched her fall. The only thing I could hear was blood and air rushing in my ears, but I could feel my feet moving. My mouth opened but no scream came out, my hand reaching for Steph.

I blinked and we were back on the ledge together, my body crushing Steph’s to the railing. She gasped, clutching onto my shoulders and gaping. I used the hand that wasn’t holding her waist to hold onto the metal that was keeping us from falling.

“How did you do that?” Steph was breathing heavily in my ear, her voice high-pitched.

“I have no idea. Let’s just get off this thing.”

Somehow I had managed to jump across the eight or so feet to where Steph was, then save her from plummeting to her death. That didn’t make any sense at all, considering I was about as agile as a newborn giraffe. But somehow…I had done it.

If I thought that was crazy, I should have waited until my seventeenth birthday.