Micah's List.

He pulled my chest onto his. I could feel his hands caress the small of my back and rub up and down soothingly. His smile was small partially because he was about to kiss me; his breathing lingered and ghosted around my skin. Every pore that his breath was cast upon soaked his sweetness up. I felt my eyes flutter. We were so close in proximity, I felt that I was going to have to hold onto him for support.

Slowly, there was a comfortable warmness that laid onto my lips. I was eager, whereas Jacob was not. He almost seemed pained as he kissed me. His mouth never exceeding my own as I almost swallowed him alive from knowing that I wouldn’t have this opportunity ever again. On instinct, my hands got a tiny portion of his hand and held on. I pushed him harder against my mouth.

I could feel his tongue having a mind of its own. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to use it or not, so I made his mind up for him. I allowed mine to trail dangerously slow against his bottom lip before I gave it a nip. Soon afterwards, I sucked on it for a while before pulling away from him. My hands were not firmly against the sides of his face, our breathing somewhat unsteady. I closed my eyes and placed on last, long kiss to his lips before backing away from him. It was like magic.

When I got into my car, I tried my hardest to ignore his pleas. He wanted to explain himself. He wanted to talk things out. He actually wanted his imprint. So, not being as strong as I thought I was I let some tears escape on the drive home. Except, I wasn’t going home. Not just yet.

“Hey Micah, come on it.” Sam waved me into his home, a gracious smile upon his lips, as always.

The rest of the boys gathered around the table just like they’ve always done. Seth looked apologetic, but I came around to give him a huge hug. After all, he did keep most of my secrets. But that wasn’t the point. Seth had been a great friend. Whenever I needed to talk, Seth was always one to never complain even when I felt myself get carried away. I was going to have to owe that kid someday.

Jared, whom I hadn’t seen too much of was gnawing on some food. Very typical of him as he fought with Paul about nothing but the ridiculous. I rolled my eyes, as I walked past them to go and sit down in the wicker chair next to the screen doors—giving Embry a light shove along the way due to his ‘silent’ mumbling. My liking for him has subsided, but I know I’ll always have a little something for him. Just not as much as Jacob.

When I sat down, I folded a leg over the other and smiled contently. I’d done it. I got my kiss, and my summer felt complete. My heart was no longer torn. It was sad, but not entirely broken. Oh, and those tears I shed in the car—I suppose those were happy ones mixed with sadness. I was happy because I finally got to experience what it feels like to have Jacob Black kiss me. And even if he denies it, I know that it was full of love, and he was saving it for me all this time.

But I was sad because during all of this, I had decided to go back and visit my cousin in Texas once the summer was over. I was tired of being Micah Nichole Blair. It was officially time to just be Micah, not one of the boys. Just me. And shockingly, I was more than ready. I had called my cousin the night Jacob told me he knew about my little act and she was more than enthused for my return. Plus, I think some time away from this place will help me out again. That way when I come back to La Push, I will have found myself and know how to handle things for future purpose.

“Got any plans for the day Mic?” Embry asked, talking with him mouth open full of food.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “No. What’d you have in mind?”

“Cliff diving?” He offered, taking a drink of his water.

“Sure. I need an adrenaline rush.” I said and stood to my feet, just in time to hear footsteps come up to the house.

Jacob was chuckling lightly, Bella right beside him. And this time, when I saw them together I was at ease. I know that not too long ago I was so envious I could have ripped her hair out, but I suppose that’s because I was jealous that she got to have something I didn’t get to experience until just recently. That was Jacob Black actually showing me how much I meant to him. I wasn’t sure how to explain it and I am not sure I ever will be, but with that single kissing moment, things changed inside of my head. I was no longer demanding to show off or act a fool. I felt I was able to be simple again. To blend in, yet know that I stuck out.

His smile held for a few seconds only to fade slightly. Mine did the same but for different reasons. I was going to have to break my bond with him. Although I was his imprint, he is just going to have to accept that I need a break, maybe so that I can fully commit to him? Possibly, but I don’t know yet. Everything swarmed inside of my body. Too many things were going to happen, but all I wanted to do was just lay back on my hammock and have Jacob by my side.

“Hey Jake,” said Quil. “We’re going cliff diving. Want to come?”

He thought about it for a moment, never breaking our eye contact. And I didn’t want him too. “Nah, I think I will pass today.” His eyes scrutinized mine for a minute before he took Bella back outside.

The boys informed me that we’d leave in a few minutes. They wanted to devour as much food as possible, so I resumed my seat. I turned to face outside, and watched Jacob and Bella walk to his car. I hadn’t the foggiest idea why he even came to Sam’s only to leave in a matter of minutes, but I was happy to see him being his normal self. I think, I think that’s why I’ve liked him all along.

After cliff diving for about an hour straight, I went home and took a very long and hot shower. All of my muscles relaxed immediately, and I put on some comfy shorts and a large tee-shirt. My baby sister Sophia trots into my room, our mother hot on her heels. When my mother sees me, she feigns alarm. “Wh—what? No make-up, or booty shorts Micah?”

I laugh, and heave Soph up onto my bed. “Not anymore. I think I need to stray away from those for a while.” I point to my closet where there is a large box, a few jeans can be seen poking out of the sides.

My mother doesn’t say anything as Sophia tugs on my shirt. “’Dis was in our mail-boxy. For you?” She hands me a small envelope with my name scribbled right in the middle.

“C’mon Soph, we’ll bother Micah later.” Our mother comes over to take my sister away, who whines that she just wants to spend time with me.

By this point, I can’t even feel my heart beating within my chest. It almost seems invisible to me because I can very well distinguish this print. The envelope isn’t thick, so it must just contain a short letter or something, but as I fumble my fingers underneath to open it, I stop myself. I was going to save this for when I head back to Texas—which is starting to come right around the corner.

I tuck the letter underneath my pillow and get up to move to my desk. I take out a sheet of lined paper and begin to write a letter too. I explain that by the time this letter is read I will be gone and that I am terribly sorry. It’s short, but intentional. I decorate his name in the middle, and stick it on my nightstand. When my lights are turned off, I tilt my head to look over at the letter. I can’t see it, but I know it’s there.



It’s early. The sun hasn’t even broken from the universe yet, as I put the letter into his mailbox before sprinting back into my car and leaving before I am caught. My face holds no emotion as I look into the rearview mirror to look back at the house. Though, I do find myself smiling.

At the airport, my mom asks after kissing my forehead, “are you sure you want to go back?”

“Yes, Mom.” I sigh with a laugh. She always clarifies. Sometimes she blames it on Soph missing me, but I know the real reason.

“Please call the moment you land and are safe with Gwen, okay?” Her tone holds that of a mother, but a trusting mother at that. Which I am thankful for.

I salute her, “wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you.”

We exchange hugs again, and I squint to my sisters level so we are now seeing eye to eye. I pretend to pull something from out and behind my back as I whisper that I have something for her. It is a normal white box that I had decorated just for her. She looks up at our mom who doesn’t even know what’s inside because she shrugs, and then back at me. I encourage her to hurry and open it.

She screams in delight. I had filled it with all over her favorite candy. My Mom’s face was priceless. “Great! You’d better hurry and get your ass on that plane missy or I’ll change my mind and let you deal with your sister.” She says jokingly.

As I walked to the plane, part of me wished she had stopped me from leaving. However, I was also glad when I closed my eyes, only to open them when it was confirmed. The pilot let us know that we were taking off, so there was no way I was getting off now.