I'd Be Lying If I Told You

Rian didn’t want to sound like he was complaining, but to put it simply, his life was hard.

Not because of his family lacked of money, healthcare, housing, food or anything (while they weren’t outlandishly wealthy, they had those few things in fair supply). Rian’s life was hard because as much as he loved his parents, they never seemed to be proud of him. Because he still had no idea what he wanted to study in college. Because his best friend was proving to be more monster than human. And because the love of his life was a prostitute.

Jack Barakat had it made. He had a fabulously well-paying job at his father’s company. A gorgeous apartment. And parents that more or less stayed out of his life – with the exception of a few impromptu visits, of course. But all those did was make Jack mad, and Jack had always been rather bitter and jaded, so the difference wasn’t too noticeable.

Rian didn’t like mooching off of his friend; in fact it made him feel downright shitty. But Jack said that having him over on Tuesdays wasn’t a problem. Besides, it kept Zack entertained, and when Zack was happy, he did his chores better. And when Zack did his chores better, he gave Jack better blowjobs. Rian didn’t understand how that equation worked, but he learned over the years that arguing with Jack was like driving your car on the wrong side of the road – eventually, everything’s going to burst into flames.

All of Jack’s keeps were nice enough. But Zack, he was different. When Rian was with Zack, he didn’t feel like some loser in community college anymore. He felt important, special, and like someone truly cared for him. He tried explaining this to Jack one night when Zack had fallen asleep, and Jack just scoffed and replied, “Yeah, no shit. He’s a whore – of course he’s going to make you feel good about yourself.” Though Rian wanted to vomit at those words, he merely frowned and rolled his eyes.

There were, at one point, some redeeming qualities about Jack. He was a good friend, a smart guy, and cracked a funny joke on occasion. But lately, it’s like everything’s been changing. Rian really can’t pinpoint why, it’s just like a natural degradation of his best friend’s personality.

Had it just been him and Jack, Rian wouldn’t know what to do. Jack’s his only friend, despite his constant attempts to make friends at college. But ever since Zack’s come along, everything’s different.

Rian worries about Zack. For such a meek, shy boy, he’s intensely independent. Perhaps that’s why he’s spent so much time on the streets. Rian doesn’t know much about Zack’s family, but obviously he isn’t asking them for any help. Not that he would ever outright ask Rian for help, either.

Zack wouldn’t even ask Rian to take him to the doctor two weeks ago when he started having stomach pains. He said it was probably just a stomach bug. How wrong he was.

And now here he was, pressing a cool compress to Zack’s forward to try and keep his fever down. The surgery left his immune system compromised, and the first thing Zack does when he gets back to Jack’s apartment? He comes down with a fever.

Granted, it’s not too bad. At this point, Rian’s is just trying to help keep Zack comfortable. He figures, what with all the medicines he’s on, it’ll go away soon. They’re just waiting for it to break. All in all, Zack’s been feeling well since his operation. In the two week period since he was let out of the hospital, the angry incision on his side has already began to shrink. It’s still ugly, and Rian forces Zack to lift up his shirt so he can check on it every so often, but it’s improved greatly in the past two weeks.

Rian sighs, lifting up the cool compress from Zack’s forward. He wipes away with his sleeve the mixture of water and sweat, and in the process pushes some of Zack’s unruly blonde hair from his eyes. “You don’t have to hold the washcloth there, if you don’t want,” muttered Zack. “I can do it.” He reached up slowly to take it from Rian’s hands, but Rian swatted him away gently.

“Stop,” he replied sternly. Zack exhaled loudly, causing Rian to roll his eyes at Zack’s behavior. He knows Zack doesn’t want to be a burden, but can’t he understand that he wants to help? If it were up to Rian, Zack wouldn’t even be living here. But that’s another conversation entirely – a conversation that, if up to Rian, would be discussed as soon as possible.

And by ‘as soon as possible,’ Rian really means when he grows some balls.

Because lets be honest, Rian doesn’t really know where he and Zack stand. He knows he loves him, wants what’s best for him, and he sure hopes Zack feels the same way. But is that love anything greater than the love felt between best friends?

Plus there’s always that little problem otherwise known as Jack. And how the douche bag would probably reach an entirely new level of douche-ness if Rian was to invite Zack to live with, and Zack was to accept.

“What would I do without you,” grumbled Zack, shifting his position slightly so he could better see Rian. The sarcasm in his voice was clear. Rian tried not to take it personally – it was only the medication. That’s what he keeps telling himself.

“Quit being like that. I just want you to get better,” said Rian, propping his legs up on Jack’s expensive coffee table and allowing Zack to better adjust his head on his lap.

“I know,” Zack whispered. They say in silence for a bit, Rian’s thoughts running a mile a minute. This was it. He was going to ask Zack to move in with him. He was going to state his position clearly and effectively. How much happier Zack could be if he lived with Rian, how Rian could take care of them, give them a simple, yet content life. He didn’t make much money at his job, and he was at school a lot, but Zack could be happy. He’d have a roof over his head; a bed that he could say was truly his. Somewhere to go home to; someone to go home to. He wouldn’t have to cook, clean, have sex with Rian – well, unless he wanted to, of course. Just thinking about that made him blush. Rian would deal with Jack; sure, he’d be pissed at first, but he’d come around eventually.

“You know you’re the most important person to me, right?” Rian asked slowly, running his fingers lightly down Zack’s cheek. He nodded, but didn’t make eye contact with Rian. “Because I was thinking may–“

And then the phone went off.

The only person who would possibly be calling at three in the afternoon was Jack, both Rian and Zack knew that. So with a groan Zack stood up to answer the phone. Rian, meanwhile, cursed the very existence of Jack. Of course he would be the one to interrupt Rian right now.

“Hey,” Zack said meekly, the phone pressed against his ear. “Oh, okay.” Silence. “Yeah, sure.” More silence. “Do you want a ham sandwich, or stir fry?” Rian rolled his eyes. Zack wouldn’t have to deal with this if he lived with him. “Oh, well I don’t know if we have that…” Zack opened the cabinet. “Yeah… I guess I could make that.”

Rian couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up from the sofa and walked towards Zack, where he immediately wrapped his arms around Zack’s waste. The boy shimmied out of Rian’s grip after hanging up the phone. “So, as I was saying–“

“You need to leave, Rian,” stated Zack simply. A lump formed in Rian’s throat. “Jack’s going to be home soon, and I need to make him some food.”

“I’ll help you,” insisted Rian. “Actually, I’ll make it for you. You need to go sit down.” Rian lifted his hand to feel Zack’s forehead. “You’re still a bit warm.”

“I’ll be fine,” he pressed.

“Alright, well, can we just talk first?” Rian begged. Zack shook his head.

“I really need to get started on Jack’s meal.”

Rian huffed, holding Zack’s hand in his own. “Fine. I’ll come back tomorrow, ‘kay? What we need to talk about – it’s important.” Maybe this was a good thing. Rian could always use some extra time to practice what he wanted to say. “I’ll bring you you’re favorite soup.”

Zack shook his head. “You have work tomorrow.”

“So? I’ll get out early. Twelve o’clock, I’ll be here.”

“No,” murmured Zack, pulling Rian in for a hug. “Don’t come. Go to work.” Rian pulled back to chuckle, thinking that Zack was joking. But the look on Zack’s face told Rian otherwise.

With Zack, trying to get things out of him only made him clam up even further. By this point, Rian knew better than to try and push information out of Zack. “Okay,” he whispered, planting a soft kiss on Zack’s cheek. “I’ll come back this weekend – is that okay?” Zack nodded, and for a moment Rian could have sworn that he saw Zack’s eyes beginning to water. “Get some sleep tonight, ‘kay, Zee?” Zack nodded slightly. “Call me if you need anything.”

Just as Rian was about to let go and turn towards the door, Zack pulled him in for one more hug. Rian hugged back with as much affection as he could muster, but it didn’t seem to be as much as Zack was putting out. “Hey, don’t be upset,” muttered Rian. “Four days – I’ll come back in four days.”

“Yeah,” whispered Zack, and for a moment Rian could hear something else in his tone. But once again, he didn’t want to push it. “But four days sometimes seems like forever.”