Finding Jezebelle

I was staring at absolutely nothing.

Not that I noticed. I had long since wandered off into my mind. I was thinking. I had a lot to think about after all and none of it had to do with what my science teacher was talking about. I could work on that later when I was at home. Maybe. At the moment, I really didn't care. Like I said, thoughts had me distracted. I was thinking about the poem and what it could mean, even who could have written it. And I was thinking about the Hayne twins. I wanted to know why Jessica had been crying. Even more, I wanted to know why I couldn't talk to her.

Talk to her. That particular voice in my head that was goading me is what I like to call pride. I'm not crazy, but I can't lie that sometimes I have been known to discuss things with myself. Never out loud, but it's kind of like weighing all sides of a decision. Of course, I disappear into my head when I do this, but there are always consequences for things aren't there?

Don't you remember what Jake said? Why bother? That voice being my logical viewpoint. Me and logic usually got along just fine. At other times, we had disputes which happened to push me more towards pride or emotion. I had a feeling that today was going to be another one of those days when me and logic "agreed" to disagree.

Or, you know, I could just sit here and stare at her and wish I had the guts to talk to her.

And why shouldn't I do that one? The last one sounded like, not only the most reasonable idea, but also the one I would most likely do. I didn't have the courage to go up and talk to her and I couldn't bring myself to ignore her either. God sometimes it sucked to be a teenager. But what was I supposed to do about it? Grow a pair of balls and make a choice? Actually that probably would have been the best option, but I had myself firmly convinced that that was my brother's department.

The bell rang, and for a minute I was certain it was the warning bell. Everyone getting up and gathering up their things told me otherwise. I grabbed my notebooks quickly not wanting to look out of place anymore than I already did. It was actually kind of getting annoying at how well my little brother was fitting in around here. And then you had me. I still only had one friend. Alright, I hadn't actually been going to school that long, I missed hanging out with a large group of people. I didn't fit in in this place and I probably never would.

That was okay though. It's not like I was planning on staying there for the rest of my life. So fitting in really wasn't on the top of my priority list. I pulled out my schedule to check my classroom. My priorities were making sure that I got through school. And at the moment, that involved making sure I got to class in time. Of course...that would be if I even had class next. Reading over my schedule proved me wrong. I couldn't believe that I had actually forgotten that I had lunch next. You would think that would be the kind of thing a person would remember.

"Excuse me...you're the new guy...right? Seth?" I turned around and my brain went absolutely blank. There was Jessica, the girl I had been thinking about almost constantly. Her eyes were still a little red, but she didn't seem upset. And she was talking to me. So why couldn't I get a word out of my mouth? God I failed miserably.

I swallowed heavily, feeling myself blush as I spoke. This was one of those times where I wished I could be more like my brother. At least he had some guts. He had the ability to talk to girls. And then there was me...how had he gotten so lucky? He had all the charm and basically anything a guy would want to attract a girl. My brother had inherited all the good stuff. It really wasn't fair. "H-hi....yeah, I'm Seth. And you're Jessica...right?"

Yeah, I didn't sound like an idiot at all...

"Yeah, I was wondering...do you want to work on the English project together after school?"

It took everything I had in me not to jump up and down in celebration screaming something stupid. I had to play it cool just like Gabriel had tried to teach me. "Sure, I mean that would be cool. Would you like to come over to my house or do you wanna do it at your place?"

"Yours!" Jessica replied quickly before bowing her head. "I mean, it's just be easier to do it at your house." In my head...I was having one of those moments that can only be compared to a victory dance after you score a touchdown. That was only in my head though. Outside I actually was acting calm. It was like some kind of miracle as I just stood there without any sign of how excited I was. I was actually really impressed with myself that I could manage that calm. I knew that my brother would be proud of me too when I told him about it.

"That sounds great," I managed without a stutter. "I'll meet you out front after classes?" In my head I was thinking: please say yes, please say yes, oh God please say yes. Sure I didn't know Jessica that well, but here was the perfect chance to get to know her. I didn't want to lose that chance.

Her smile was timid kind of like mine were usually. It was the kind of smile that would melt hearts if a person, you know, had a heart. "Yes, that will be just fine."

I waited until she walked away and was (hopefully) out of earshot before I jumped up and threw my fist into the air. "Hell yes!" I screamed. I didn't even notice the teacher glaring at me. I was way too happy for that kind of thing. And yeah it was just a school project, but a guy has got to take what he can get.