Status: Want to join? Send me your letter...
Dear James,
Aightball
Dear James,
(I wrote this last night at 2359 central time, so that will explain the opening line.)
In one minute, it will have been one year since you left us. I am going to celebrate your life on this day, if I can. I will have to do so quietly, privately, as I'll be around people most of the day. I will try not to cry too hard for you, because you were so full of life and laughter. I'm not the most outgoing person, I don't laugh a lot, but I don't feel right being sad all day.
I'll never forget figuring out who you were. I confess my love of A7X didn't get started on the right foot, so to speak. I saw a Good Charlotte video, for The River and wondered who the hell M. Shadows and Synyster Gates were. Then, since I was heading to bed at the time, I kind of scoffed and thought 'who has such dumb names?'. The next day, I got into Napster and went for the Good Charlotte record. In the process, I researched those 'stupid names' and realized I kind of liked you guys. I even had three of your songs!
After that, I realized what an amazing band A7X was. I fell in love with your drumming and then finally got to see pictures of you: you were a very handsome man! I loved the music, the drumming, you name it. I fell hard for A7X and my friends put up with my new obsession.
In January of 2008, I was into my second semester of a second college degree. But I barely passed because I got distracted: I was writing a novel. You were the inspiration for that novel and even the main character. Somewhere after that, I joined Mibba and got writing. I hadn't written a damn thing (except some HORRIBLE poetry) in around two years. I had lost my inspiration, though I don't know why. I don't even know what brought it back, but I credit you, because I thought of the story with you in mind and it took off. To this day, I write about you but you've inspired some original fiction which also hasn't happened in years. I now some people look down on fanfiction, but I'm not ashamed of it. It's helped me get my writing muscles back in shape and I will always be grateful for that.
I want to thank you for getting me to write again. I want to thank you for being my muse and helping me through those rough spots in my writing. I want to thank you for listening to me when I'm not comfortable talking to anyone else. I don't know if you really hear me, but I feel better venting to you either way. I know you're around...I've had some moments that can only be explained by your presence.
I confess, Jimmy, that some days, I envy you. You are in a better place, you have no more worries, no more problems. I'm going through hell right now and I know that I can talk to friends or my SO, but sometimes, I feel alone. I feel like I've talked to them so much they don't want to hear it. I know that's not true, but it happens sometimes. I'm at my wits end, Jimmy, but I'm going to stick it out. When it gets really hard to move forward, I have to more forward. I don't know when this hell will end, or if it will end, but I'll be a stronger person at the end.
I keep hoping that the magical cure to my hell will come week by week, but it never does. Yet somehow, I hang on. I've had some good moments in this hell, and I suppose that helps. But there's a big part of me that knows that if I did end it all right now, I'd have three very unhappy people meeting me upstairs. My grandma, my great aunt, and you...and I don't want to think of the tongue lashing I'd get from the three of you. So I keep looking for a job, I keep reminding myself that I've got my SO, who keeps the roof over our head and the food on the table. He helps me out in tight financial spots and I can vent to him from time to time.
I know that we don't communicate in dreams much, you and I. You were in my dream the other night, and I appreciated that. I keep hoping that I'll see you in my dreams again, like I did in the beginning. I could really use a Jimmy hug, because I hear they're amazing. But I know that when I need you most, you'll be there for me. I am content to think that you're watching over all of us.
So, Jimmy, I hope that you are happy wherever you are. I hope that you know how much you are missed. I hope you know how much you are appreciated and loved. I know that I love you very much, even though we never met and I never saw you live. I'll always regret botching my chance to see you play live...and the ironic thing? That show that I gave up the chance for is finally getting rescheduled: I'll see A7X for the second time in February. And the more ironic thing? I told my friend Amber, when we realized that the Waterloo show wasn't going to work (I gave it up for a Sioux City date that got postponed), I wasn't worried. I'll see A7X in the summer of 2010 and meet Jimmy then. Well, I saw A7X for the first time in August, Jimmy. But I didn't get to see you play or meet you. I still had the time of my life, though, and I look forward to February, too.
Well, I've rambled enough, Jimmy. I'm going to head to bed and we'll have a little chat again tonight, as we always do before I turn in for the night. I'm sure I'll cry a little, but hopefully the morning will bring a smile to my face. I want to celebrate your life and I'm kind of glad I have things to do, to keep me busy. But when my day is over, I will have a non-alocoholic drink for you. I don't have any candles to light (no money means no fun stuff like candles), but I don't think you care. I have a letter coming to you, even though I doubt you'll be able to read it.
Good night, Jimmy. Sleep well, and rest in peace.
-AB-
(I wrote this last night at 2359 central time, so that will explain the opening line.)
In one minute, it will have been one year since you left us. I am going to celebrate your life on this day, if I can. I will have to do so quietly, privately, as I'll be around people most of the day. I will try not to cry too hard for you, because you were so full of life and laughter. I'm not the most outgoing person, I don't laugh a lot, but I don't feel right being sad all day.
I'll never forget figuring out who you were. I confess my love of A7X didn't get started on the right foot, so to speak. I saw a Good Charlotte video, for The River and wondered who the hell M. Shadows and Synyster Gates were. Then, since I was heading to bed at the time, I kind of scoffed and thought 'who has such dumb names?'. The next day, I got into Napster and went for the Good Charlotte record. In the process, I researched those 'stupid names' and realized I kind of liked you guys. I even had three of your songs!
After that, I realized what an amazing band A7X was. I fell in love with your drumming and then finally got to see pictures of you: you were a very handsome man! I loved the music, the drumming, you name it. I fell hard for A7X and my friends put up with my new obsession.
In January of 2008, I was into my second semester of a second college degree. But I barely passed because I got distracted: I was writing a novel. You were the inspiration for that novel and even the main character. Somewhere after that, I joined Mibba and got writing. I hadn't written a damn thing (except some HORRIBLE poetry) in around two years. I had lost my inspiration, though I don't know why. I don't even know what brought it back, but I credit you, because I thought of the story with you in mind and it took off. To this day, I write about you but you've inspired some original fiction which also hasn't happened in years. I now some people look down on fanfiction, but I'm not ashamed of it. It's helped me get my writing muscles back in shape and I will always be grateful for that.
I want to thank you for getting me to write again. I want to thank you for being my muse and helping me through those rough spots in my writing. I want to thank you for listening to me when I'm not comfortable talking to anyone else. I don't know if you really hear me, but I feel better venting to you either way. I know you're around...I've had some moments that can only be explained by your presence.
I confess, Jimmy, that some days, I envy you. You are in a better place, you have no more worries, no more problems. I'm going through hell right now and I know that I can talk to friends or my SO, but sometimes, I feel alone. I feel like I've talked to them so much they don't want to hear it. I know that's not true, but it happens sometimes. I'm at my wits end, Jimmy, but I'm going to stick it out. When it gets really hard to move forward, I have to more forward. I don't know when this hell will end, or if it will end, but I'll be a stronger person at the end.
I keep hoping that the magical cure to my hell will come week by week, but it never does. Yet somehow, I hang on. I've had some good moments in this hell, and I suppose that helps. But there's a big part of me that knows that if I did end it all right now, I'd have three very unhappy people meeting me upstairs. My grandma, my great aunt, and you...and I don't want to think of the tongue lashing I'd get from the three of you. So I keep looking for a job, I keep reminding myself that I've got my SO, who keeps the roof over our head and the food on the table. He helps me out in tight financial spots and I can vent to him from time to time.
I know that we don't communicate in dreams much, you and I. You were in my dream the other night, and I appreciated that. I keep hoping that I'll see you in my dreams again, like I did in the beginning. I could really use a Jimmy hug, because I hear they're amazing. But I know that when I need you most, you'll be there for me. I am content to think that you're watching over all of us.
So, Jimmy, I hope that you are happy wherever you are. I hope that you know how much you are missed. I hope you know how much you are appreciated and loved. I know that I love you very much, even though we never met and I never saw you live. I'll always regret botching my chance to see you play live...and the ironic thing? That show that I gave up the chance for is finally getting rescheduled: I'll see A7X for the second time in February. And the more ironic thing? I told my friend Amber, when we realized that the Waterloo show wasn't going to work (I gave it up for a Sioux City date that got postponed), I wasn't worried. I'll see A7X in the summer of 2010 and meet Jimmy then. Well, I saw A7X for the first time in August, Jimmy. But I didn't get to see you play or meet you. I still had the time of my life, though, and I look forward to February, too.
Well, I've rambled enough, Jimmy. I'm going to head to bed and we'll have a little chat again tonight, as we always do before I turn in for the night. I'm sure I'll cry a little, but hopefully the morning will bring a smile to my face. I want to celebrate your life and I'm kind of glad I have things to do, to keep me busy. But when my day is over, I will have a non-alocoholic drink for you. I don't have any candles to light (no money means no fun stuff like candles), but I don't think you care. I have a letter coming to you, even though I doubt you'll be able to read it.
Good night, Jimmy. Sleep well, and rest in peace.
-AB-
♠ ♠ ♠
Aightball