Dead End Signs and Wasted Land

I jolted in an upright position from sleeping on the unmade motel bed beneath me, gasping heavily for air as if I had been running for miles. The flashbacks of Sam and Dean clashing in the middle of the room had haunted me like an unwanted spirit. It was the last thing I wanted on my mind or to occur but when relationships like this revolved around tainted, back-stabbing lies, what more could you expect? The fight was nobody’s fault but my own and I knew it. Mentally however, I kept blaming everything on Dean. He was the one who let the cat out of the bag about me having sex with him before Sam and I, just so his little brother could freak out about it. The look in Sam’s broken eyes when he was informed with such appalling news shattered my soul in fifty million pieces, not just because I cared about him but also because I didn’t want a sibling rivalry to brew- too late for that. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Observantly, Dean peered around the corner as he exited the bathroom and pointing out my petrified face. The scratches and bruises Sam had left on him were cleaned up and known as ruthless scars that would always be a bitter memory.

“You look like you’ve just seen a slew of hellhounds,” Dean declared blankly, frowning as I shifted my attention towards him and throwing daggers at him with my eyes, as if I was trying to pin him against the wall with my raging anger. “I take it you’re still pissed at me…”

I scowled at him once more in sour disgust, purposely keeping quiet so I wouldn’t self-destruct with a vulgar taste in my mouth. I wasn’t much of the violent type but after what he did, my mind was telling me to kick his ass. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t have much of a chance with his robust frame.

“He was going to find out one way or another, whether I told him now or not.” He continued on, pacing out to the middle of the room until he was standing at the foot of the bed. “You really need to learn to stop blaming other people for your own stupid-ass actions.”
That right there had rubbed me the wrong way. My jaw dropped, continuing to glare at him.

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do,” I hissed sharply. “I am quite capable of taking care of my own actions, with no help from you.”

“All I’m saying is this is nobody’s fault but your own. Now maybe I had a little part of raising the bar, but I had a reason.” Dean stated firmly, gesturing with his flailing arms in the pungent air.

“A reason!?” I snapped back with an incredulous tone in my voice. “I hate to tell ya, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a fucking good enough reason for what you did. I mean you pissed off your little brother-”

“Er-hem,” Dean cleared his throat.
“We both pissed off Sam.” I clarified as I used air quotes around the word ‘we both.’ “But what in your right mind gives you the authority to say that you had a reason to throw me under the god-damn bus!?”

“Maybe because care about you enough to prevent you from turning into me by keeping secrets that shouldn’t be kept!”

His tone was sharp and versatile, as his eyes altered to honesty. I felt a bullet of angst and puzzlement pierce through my flesh, leaving a crucial hole in my heart. My words became lost in the deadly silence of the room. I wasn’t expecting to hear that statement roll off his tongue, especially the part about preventing me from turning into him. Dean had his fair share of secrets he’s kept from Sam and even me, but I never imagined him actually admitting his flaws. It just doesn’t seem like the same Dean anymore.

“Wh- I… What the hell are you talking about?” I shot back in confusion, which sounded a bit more brutal than it should have been.
He was hesitant for a moment just standing there- standing there gazing at me with a misty-eye. It was kind of strange because he appeared like he wanted to unleash aggravated tears at me. The only time I ever saw him showing emotion like that is if it was serious. Nervousness deviously attached itself onto my conscious.

“I like you, Kayla.” Dean spoke up, crushing the silence once again with his husky voice. “I like you a lot, okay? When I saw you and Sammy… together- twice, I felt something inside me go off. I had all these mixed emotions that I didn’t even know I had! It was like being run over by a semi-truck a thousand times. Do you even know what that feels like? It’s an experience that Dean Winchester never thought he’d compete with. I didn’t want to do this to Sam, but I had one thing on my mind and that was you.”

I could have sworn I attempted pinching myself, anticipating on waking up from a weird dream but it was all reality. First you had Sam flooding the room with his feelings for me and now you have his older brother doing the exact same? I liked it because it made me feel wanted again, but it was all falling in the wrong order. The puzzle pieces were odd shaped and couldn’t fit in the direction they were being placed. My heart ached; it hurt so much that I wanted to rip it right out of my chest just so I couldn’t feel a damn thing. After all, my heart and my brain were at fault for all that has occurred; at least without them I wouldn’t feel so horrible.

“Look Dean, that’s all sweet and great but it doesn’t really work that way.” I told him coldly, as if I didn’t care about a single emotion he released for me. What a cruel bitch I was. “Trying to win me over between you and your brother? I may have some feelings for both of you, but I’m not a prized-possession that you can win in a competition. And really- like you wouldn’t have expected me turn out this way? You wanted to prevent me from turning into another you? This isn’t a new facet of my personality. You know who I am. You know what I’m capable of.”

“And?” He shot back. “I still care about you. You may always be the same fiery and bitchy woman I know, but I’m still going to try to keep you from making the same mistakes I did.”

I stood up from the bed in silence, throwing my hands in the air like I was just going to give up on even trying on explaining things with him. There was a part of me that just wanted to apologize to him for being an idiot and just run off and be happy with him, but I wasn’t not in some make-believe land of milk and honey. Reality was just as much of a bitch as I was, and I was not going to change if reality wasn’t.
Just as I was weaving my way around Dean, he placed a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off cold-heartedly, but that wasn’t the end of him attempting to get my attention. He took a hold of my arm, not roughly but not extremely gentle either. My blue eyes magnetized to his green ones, looking at me with pity. I already disappointed on Winchester for one night. I didn’t want Dean to hate me too, even after all he did. They were both like brothers to me right from the beginning. I couldn’t have asked for anything more; that’s why I don’t want to lose them.
Dean cupped his hands on either side of my face before planting soothing and passionate kiss upon my lips. My brain taunted me to break away, but my heart was telling me not to. Again, if I didn’t have either of them none of this would matter.
His fingers brushed the side of my face, tucking a strand of my blond hair behind my ear on one side while pulling away from me slowly. This man knows how to do it. I don’t know what it was, but for a moment I forgot all about the brawl… even Sam had left my mind for a second.