Cried For You

I feel like you are slipping away from me. I know this past week has been hard on you with you getting cut from the basketball team, and your Godfather's death. I know that you're depressed. But you're starting to make me worry that you no longer want me. So around 11 pm I send you a long text voicing my worries. Then I set my phone down and fall asleep.

For some reason I wake up at 3 am. I look at my phone to find that I have a couple texts from you. "No there is nothing. I'm detached. I've been feeling a lot lately. And i don't know what is going on. And I have always felt like you haven't fully liked me, i don't know what it is, that's just how i feel. I hate my life lately. People are blowing up on me, I can't do anything right. Forget all this. This is why I'm out walking right now. I'm gonna do something stupid if not." And then when I didn't answer because I had been asleep, "Don't leave me now I need to talk."

After reading these I am wide awake. I send a response about how I have always liked just you and explained about the other guys I talked to before you. Quickly you send me a message back. "Well this is a start. But so much is going on right now, my emotions are so haywire. I don't know what to do, I'm so uneasy about I don't know what it is, just something about you scares me, I just can't explain it. And Nick won't have a girlfriend around soon, which terrifies me. I would be leaving for college soon, I don't want to do that to you. And Kambry is back sparking up feelings and I don't know what I did for God to hate me so much. Takes my Godfather and cuts me from the basketball team in the same week. I am honestly depressed. I'm wide awake crying, driving around and walking down streets at 3 am. This is the worst feeling of my life and I want out."

My mind is reeling as I type my response to you. I don't know what to say. And then you send me another. "This is horrible. I hate this feeling. I hate my life right now. I'm done with it for now. I need out. This is me giving up." This makes me mad. You can't give up. Life goes on. You're gonna get over this.

You're response is quick this time. "I know life goes on, I've been sad before. This is different. This is the worst it's ever been. This gives me thoughts I never imagined I would have. I am not this strong."

When I read that text I laid there in my bed, at now 4 am, and I cried for you. I told you that you were scaring me. "Sorry," you answered, "You're probably tired. Get some sleep. Goodnight."