Once Upon a Holiday

Christmas: A time of thanks, a time for families to come together and remember the true meaning of the holiday.

Meaning; this was one of my least favorite holidays. Ever since I can remember all it’s ever been is mom slaving in the kitchen, dad on the couch with a beer and us kids hiding away upstairs not wanting to get in the way. When I was old enough I joined dad on the couch beer in hand and the game on TV, but it was all the same. No one was really thankful for what they had, it was I want this I want that. Give me, give me, give me. That’s all that ever game out of anyone’s mouth. That’s what Christmas was like growing up for me.

I never wanted anything until he came into my life. It was then that I really understood the true holiday meaning behind Christmas.

X.X.X.X.X

“Damn it Baker give me my phone back,” swearing at one of my four best friends as he held my phone over his belt as if to say come closer and it goes in, I rolled my eyes as the other three stopped what they were doing and turned to watch the two of us interact.

It had been weeks since anyone had really seen any sort of reaction out of me; Happy, sad or angry. My girlfriend had broken up with me and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why she had or why I couldn’t bring myself to care about it.

Growling I launched myself at Zack as he stilled completely eyes wide as I fell on him after bypassing the couch.

“Ack Matt get off okay you can have it back – UNCLE; UNCLE you win” chuckling, I sat up kneeling over him while I examined my phone to make sure it was undamaged. Slapping my arms as he tried to worm his way out from under me he huffed in annoyance and gave up, crossing his arms and glaring up at me. “I swear Matt you have to be on steroids or some shit,”

“Huh, what?” I hadn’t been paying attention to busy paying attention to the invite text message on my phone from my sister. Apparently, Mom and Dad had decided they would do the Christmas dinner this year even though it was my turn with Val who was no longer in the picture.

“Steroids – now get off please,” rolling his eyes as I shook my head and stood up offering him my hand I ignored the shock feeling as his hand grasped mine and simply pulled him to his feet. “Thanks,”

Dropping his hand, I turned towards the couch as the other three best friends; Brian, Johnny and Jimmy turned back to their game. I could hear the whistle come from one of them and knew they were slightly unimpressed with my reaction.

Groaning to myself I ignored Zack’s strange look and headed up the stairs of his place and out the front door. No one needed to know that I didn’t care Val had left me because in all honesty, I was already the bad guy – in my eyes and in her sister, Michelle’s.

I didn’t care because for as long as I can remember since the band had hit it big, I had been attracted to my best friend and all I wanted was to do something about it.

But Zack wasn’t for me.

Ignoring Zack’s sister and her friend as they came up the walk past me, I walked past my truck and headed down the road wanting to clear my head.

I didn’t catch their looks and I thought nothing of the footsteps rushing to catch up with me
not till I hit the park and sat on the swings.

Lifting my gaze from the rocks beneath my feet as I pushed the swing back, I watched Laney as she stood uncertain of wither she should sit on the other swing or stay there.

I knew I looked angry and I could feel it practically boil under my skin as I thought of my attraction to Zack and the many things I wanted to do with him.

It didn’t help either that Laney looked like Zack, from the messy black hair to the bright green
eyes that could see to your soul.

“I know -“that’s all it took as she moved slowly towards me, a small reassuring smile on her lips that made me think of his.

Huffing, I came to the realization that she most definitely did know. She had been in this position not long ago when it came to me that she was in love with Jimmy.

“What do I do than Lane – it’s not like it would be conventional. Hell my parents would disown me and what about the guys; how would they react? How would Zack react?” groaning I dropped my head into my hands as the swing to my left squeaked as she sat in it,
dropping her hand to my back as I held back my fears.

I didn’t want to be this way, I wanted things to be normal but it was then as the winter air passed through the playground I realized just how I was behaving.

All through my childhood, I had never once asked for anything for Christmas. Not once had I said to my parents I want that, I want this, give me that too. I had always watched the other kids demand things from their parents and Santa when we would sit on his lap in the mall and get pictures.

I had never understood the meaning of Christmas until now as I forgot about my fears and the tears threatening to fall and looked from Laney to the sky that had darkened and had become speckled with stars.

Christmas wasn’t about what you got; it was about what you gave. Jesus had given his life for many and here I was being greedy in hiding how I felt.

I almost didn’t hear the second set of footsteps as I slowly came back from my thoughts and found myself looking in Zack’s piercing green eyes and Laney starting to stand. Looking between the two I noticed something else about the twins; not only did they look alike but they were alike, from hair to eyes, lips to talents. They shared a connection that no one would ever understand.

Clearing her throat she winked at me as she smiled, “Someone once told me, that in the face of great loss you try,”

Hearing my own advice thrown back at me, I smiled and meet Zack’s gaze as she disappeared. She was right. The only thing I stood to lose was my best friend, but I had everything to gain.

Releasing my breath, I heard words fall from my lips even though I wasn’t aware of saying them.

“I love you Zack,” Standing suddenly, I was overwhelmed by my confession as Zack looked away.

Had I just lost my best friend for good then?