Angel, Put Me Back Together Again

“What the fuck is this?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Who the hell is this?”

“Bro, chill out…”

“Bro? Who the fuck are you?”

“Oh my God…”

“What the fuck is going on!?”

“Excuse me sir –”

“Who are you?”

“Oh my God…”

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave sir.”

“Get off of me!”

“What’s your problem?”

“You wanna take this outside?”

“Oh my God…”

“Get the fuck outside!”

“Sir, I’m going to have to call the police.”

“Oh my God…”

“What’s your problem?”

“Oh my God…”

“Sir!”

“That’s my fucking girlfriend!”

“Oh my God…”

“My girlfriend?”

“Oh my God…”

“Get the fuck outside!”

“Oh my God…”

“Sir!”

“Oh my God…”

“Oh my God…”

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Angela's POV

One minute I'm having the best night of my life, and the next I am standing in the parking lot of a restaurant, watching as my current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend puff up their chests in dominance. I stand dumbfounded as they continue to argue back and forth. I don't even understand what they're saying. I still wasn't sure if this was actually happening. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Frank for fear of him disappearing. Was he actually here? It sure sounded like it as they continued to yell at each other. Zack was also watching him like a hawk. They hadn't come to blows yet, but it was bound to happen any second. Their blurred argument went unheard as I focused on my breathing. Every time Frank glanced at me, I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my veins. When Zack looked at me, I only felt guilt. But why? I didn’t even know he was coming. I had almost completely forgotten about him, or at least that’s what I wanted to think. I needed to figure a lot of things out and I could only do that with one of them at a time. I found my voice just in time.

"Zack, I need a minute with Frank." I didn’t speak very loud, but they both stopped and turned to look at me. With both of their eyes on me at the same time, I felt like I was going to combust.

"Yeah Angela, let's fucking talk." Frank obviously wasn’t feeling much different toward me in this moment than he was toward Zack. It was his first words really directed toward me since he got here and I cringed.

"I just need a minute." I closed my eyes and let out a long shaky breath.

"So this is Frank?" Zack practically spat his name out like it left a bad taste. Apparently they hadn’t gotten that far.

"So she still talks about me?" Frank smirked, looking triumphant. I saw Zack puffing up again and I intervened.

"Please, just go." I was trying hard not to let them see how close I was to losing it. They both started in on me at the same time.

"I'm not going to leave you--"

"Of course you're not going --"

"Would everyone stop fucking talking?!" Too late. I finally snapped, causing both of them to quickly close their mouths. I'd had enough of them yelling at each other and myself. My whole body was shaking, not just with anger, but with a thousand other emotions I couldn’t possibly start listing.

"Angela..."

"Zack, Please leave." I chose to stare out across the street instead of at either of them. I couldn't stop my head from spinning. I needed to deal with one of them at a time. With reluctance he glanced between Frank and me before sighing and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'll wait in the car for you." He said through gritted teeth before trudging off. When I was certain he was long gone I dared to look up at Frank. His face was pure hatred. I couldn't imagine what mine looked like right now. We stayed quite a distance from each other. I knew I had asked to talk to him alone but now that we were here, I was at a loss for words. My emotions were running a hundred miles an hour. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh, cry, run into his arms, slap him, kiss him... It was all moving so fast. I almost wished there was a place to sit and talk. I felt nauseous but didn't dare throw up the expensive dinner I just had. I kept wringing my clutch in my hands, feeling more exposed than ever in this dress. He continued to glare at me, occasionally giving me a once over. I let out a long shaky sigh before letting my subconscious do the dirty work.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you here?"

"Are you joking?" He snapped, causing me to withdraw even more. I choked down the bile still threatening to come up. "I'm here for you. I came to see you. To fix the mess I made, but it looks like you're getting along nicely without me."

"Frank..." I breathed out his name. No matter the circumstances, I was still trying to process that he was here. Saying his name out loud wasn’t quite reassuring me. I wasn't sure what kind of answer he was looking for, and judging by how mad he still looked I decided to wait on that answer a little longer.

“What was the last thing I said to you? Do you even remember? I said I would wait for you. I said I would fucking wait!” He yelled at me, causing me to jump. I began to bite on my lip, trying not to cry.

“I know…” I felt like a child as I looked at the passing cars, my feet, anything other than him.

“Why didn’t you wait for me, Angela?” His voice cracked. I looked up to see that his eyes were glistening under the parking lot lamps, threatening his perfect face with tears and instantly I felt my eyes welling up as well. “I did everything I could to change for you. I haven’t drank in weeks. I’m trying to patch things up with Gerard and the band. I started going to the community college. I have had ample opportunity to move on but I didn’t. I did that for you. Did you even think of me? Did I ever cross your mind for one second?”

“Of course you did. I haven’t gone one day without thinking of you. Wondering what you’re doing. Who you were with …” I finally found my voice to answer him, and it was weaker than I intended. I tried clearing my throat but it did no good. “I wanted to talk to you so badly, but every time I talked to Gerard it was the same. No word from you. Nothing.”

“I gave you space because that’s what you wanted. I left you alone because you asked me too.”

“I didn’t mean for you to disappear Frank! I needed you and you were nowhere to be found.”

“So you just jump into the first relationship that offers itself to you?”

“I was lonely!” I finally cracked, feeling a tear streak down my cheek. He shook his head in disbelief.

“That’s the weakest thing I’ve ever heard from you, Angela. You were lonely?” He was seething. His voice was so quiet, I almost didn’t hear him. “You think it was a cakewalk staying in Jersey? Stuck in a never ending cycle of the same bullshit day in and day out? I had to deal with the same shit you did, but I had self-control. I meant what I said; I just thought you would have the same decency.”

“That’s not fair.” I was finally able to make eye contact with him. I was moving on from upset to anger now.

“Are you serious?”

“Coming from the guy who ruined my life. I loved you Frank. I would have done anything for you, and you broke that trust. We weren’t together when I left. You have no right to be mad at me.”

“So you’re saying you don’t love me anymore?” He still looked angry, but his voice was uncertain.

“W-what are you talking about?” I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself, protectively.

“You said you loved me. Past tense. Does that mean you don’t anymore?”

“Frank, please…” I felt another tear escape and I quickly reached up to brush it away.

“It’s a simple question. Either you do or you don’t.” He started to walk toward me. I stood frozen, tears steadily streaming now.

“It’s not that easy…” I almost choked out.

“Do you love him?” He was just a few steps from me now.

“Please don’t do this.” I whispered, shaking my head as I looked to the ground. I gasped, my eyes shooting upward as I felt his hands on the side of my face. His touch sent a shock through me, bringing it all back. He was standing over me, his hot breath washing over my face. His scent swirled around me and I instinctively took in a deep breath of cologne, stale cigarettes, and body wash. My body shook to the core and I whimpered. My legs quivered and I was for sure these heels weren’t going to hold me anymore. His eyes narrowed as he stared directly into mine. I quickly shut them, not able to stand his gaze anymore. I tried to even my breathing but it was of no use.

“Angel…” He went straight for the kill with the nickname he had given me so long ago and I choked down a sob. Unable to stop the inevitable, I stood motionless as I watched him lean forward and press his lips to mine, his familiar cold lip ring sending that extra little zing through me. Everything around me was suddenly quiet; the only noise was our breathing. His thumbs traced across my cheek bones, smearing my tears and leaving a burning sensation in his wake. It felt all too familiar, the way his lips fit against mine; the way we responded to one another, knowing each other’s next move. It was a feeling I had almost forgotten, that I had hoped to forget. I savored the bitter feeling, though for what I didn’t know. I drug it out for as long as I could before placing my hand over his and slowly pulling myself away from him. It made it that much harder when I saw the look of relief on his face. I was pleading with my eyes that he would just read my mind, but it was no use. Before I could stop myself, I uttered the only thing that went through my mind when his perfect lips had met mine.

“I love him, Frank.” I watched as it took him a few moments to process what I had just said. I bit my tongue, holding back the cries that were desperately trying to escape as he looked at me with utter defeat.

“You … what?”

“I loved you Frank. You were the first person I ever truly loved, and a part of me still does love you in a way… but I can’t love you anymore.” I was barely able to sputter out the last few words before I started crying. I knew what I was saying was true, but I had never said it out loud until this moment. I didn’t love Frank anymore, and it hurt more than I thought it would. He looked at me in silence and I had to turn away. I had never seen him so hurt, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “Please … it’s not your fault.” I watched as his feet stepped back from me. With a deep breath I finally looked back up at him. His eyes were red rimmed, but no tears escaped. He let out a shaky sigh and sniffled, rubbing the back of his hand on his jacket sleeve. The silence felt like it was about to swallow us when Frank finally cleared his throat.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For making this easy.” Without another word he turned and walked away from me. I stood and watched as he didn’t bother hailing down a taxi, just continued walking. My breathing started to become more sporadic the longer I watched him walk away. I was practically hyperventilating when I felt a hand on my shoulder, finally pulling my eyes away from Frank. I turned to see Zack standing over me, his face very serious.

“I’m s-sorry…” I muttered through my sobs. I knew then that he must have seen all of it. He didn’t say anything, just pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms firmly around me. Only then did I finally let go, crying uncontrollably, not able to hold myself up anymore. Whether what I just did was right or wrong, I couldn’t take it back now, and I literally felt my heart break for the second time in my life.