Just Friends . . . or not

“It’s a damn Canadian invasion!” she yells letting us into her apartment. The girl who I’ve been secretly in love with since I was 18, the girl who with the simplest smile makes my heart do cart-wheels. The girl who thinks of me only as a friend and that’s all I’ll ever be to her. She looks amazing in jeans and a vintage Penguins shirt, I love when she’s just chill and not trying hard.

She greets Flower, Jordan and Sid before looking at me with her perfect smile and shiny eyes.

“Lee Lee.”

“Hey Tangs” she replies pulling me in for a hug. I inhale her scent hoping to freeze time. But I can’t. It’s over almost as soon as it began.

We walked into the living room and took the two remaining seats on the couch. We were all here for advice, and she’s the best one to go to. Truth is I know what I need to do but the guys suggested I should talk to Kaleigh about it. I apparently look upset about my current girlfriend but the truth is I hate that I am in love with a girl that I can’t have.

Everyone spilled there guts about what was going on. Sid had the usual haters, Flower was worried about his relationship with Vero, and Jordan was worried about asking a girl out that he was obviously in love with. Honestly he and I were in the same situation, for the most part both of us in love with a girl and we were both scared shitless about possible rejection. Except his is a little less messy. He’s not seeing girls to get his mind off of Annberlin and I am. He’s not pining over his best friend. He’s not hoping deep down that his best friend will just come out and say that she’s in love with him. He’s also not with a person who is the exact opposite of what he wants trying to forget about the girl that stole his heart the second her bight green eyes flickered over him all that time ago, the girl who was caught as off guard as the entire team when her uncle said ‘She may look harmless but don’t underestimate her’. Boy was he right because from the second those words left his mouth she’s been throwing curveballs at me. The only consistency was that she was there when I needed her and vice versa.

“Tangs, Kris . . .” she said in her sympathetic tone.

“I don’t like that tone Lee Lee.” I avoided here eye contact.

“You know I love you right Tangs?” I simply nodded. “You’re my best friend and I can’t stand to see you hurting. But I have to say this, and the only reason I didn’t before is because you wouldn’t have listened. You never do unless you ask for my opinion. She’s using you Tangs, has been for a while and I know deep down you know that. She doesn’t love you. You deserve so much more than what she is. You are the most amazing guy and you need a girl as great as you.” She placed her hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner but it didn‘t stop that spot from the warm tingling sensation that happens every time she touches me. “And I know you guys are waiting for me to call her a lying manipulative bitch who can burn in hell with the rest of all the fucking puck sluts but I will refrain” I knew she was going to say that.

“Thanks Lee Lee” I placed my hand on her knee knowing this might be the most contact I get with her.

“Well I’m out of here I guess I have a ring to buy” Flower said.

“He’s my ride” Sid waved bye.

“Umm yea I guess I’m going to call Annberlin, thanks Kaleigh” Staalsy said being the only guy to know that I had feelings for her.

“Lee Lee . . .” I said once they all had left.

“Yea Tangs?”

“I really needed to hear that, you’re right she is a lying manipulative bitch who has been using me for way too long. I’m just mad at myself for not realizing it sooner.”

“It’s not your fault Tangs. She’s a pretty good con artist” she winked causing me to laugh.

“I love you Lee Lee.”

“Love you too Tangs. You’re my best friend.” I pulled her close to my body wanting nothing than to hold her like this forever.

“So this girl that I deserve . . . What do you think she’s like?”

“Hmm . . .she won’t take your crap, cause lets face it you can be a diva sometimes.”

“I am not a diva.”

“Sometimes you are Tangs.”

“So someone who won’t take my crap . . . What else?”

“You need a girl who doesn’t care that you are who you are. Someone who cares less about your job and more about you as a person. You’re so much more than a decent hockey player Tangs . . .”

“Decent? Ouch Lee Lee that hurts.”

“Well stop hitting like an 80 year old woman and we’ll talk.” I smiled remembering the day we met and the day she so graciously told me her grandmother could hit harder than I could. “Like I was saying, you’re so much more than a hockey player, we’re a wonderful kindhearted and entertaining guy, who shouldn’t have to settle for less than perfect.”

“What’s this perfect girl look like huh?”

“That I can’t tell you.”

“Well I’ve always had a soft spot for brunettes.” If only you knew the extent Kaleigh.

“I don’t know Tangs.” She shook her head carelessly.

“Lee Lee . . .” I was about to just tell her, lays my cards on the table, let the chips fall but my phone just had to ring and kill my thunder. “Fuck, it’s Marie.” Of course it’s her. I haven’t talked to her all week why would I talk to her now?

“Go ahead I should clean up the mess those guys left behind.”

“No, I’m not going to talk to her right now“ I said hitting ‘ignore‘. “I’ll help you out.”

“Kris you are going to tell her that you’re done right?”

“Yes” I replied without hesitation.

After helping her clean up the mess, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. I wish that I could just tell her that I love her, as more than the friends we have been for so long already. But friendship is a good foundation for a relationship, or so I’m told. Mostly at this moment I wish I had the courage to walk back into that apartment and kiss her like I really want to.

New Message- Staalsy: Tell her yet?

Reply: No, I was about to and Marie called. Always ruining my chances.

New Message- Staalsy: That’s your own fault man.

Reply: I know, I’m an idiot.

New Message- Staalsy: Well yea. . .

I am an idiot. I should have told her how I felt a long time ago and I wouldn’t be in this mess. I thought pacing in my living room. I have to do something about this, we’re playing for shit lately I don’t want all aspects of my life being crap, at least when I break up with Marie my love life will be less of a mess, still messy yes but an organized mess, at least until I can tell Kaleigh how I feel. I’ll call Marie tomorrow and break up with her, then maybe I’ll hang out with Lee Lee. Get take-out, maybe watch a movie. An undercover date.

“Krissy, baby where have you been? I miss you. I tried calling all week and nothing baby” Marie said in her annoyingly high voice.

“I’ve been busy, thinking about things.”

“No you’ve been with Kaleigh. You’re always with her.”

“Well she is my best friend of course I’m going to spend time with her.”

“I don’t like it. You’re my boyfriend not hers, you should be with me all the time not any other girl. She’s not even pretty Krissy, do you really want to be seen with someone like her? She’s short and fat and her hair is an awful brown. She’s such a slut she’s always all over you . . .”

“That’s enough. I called to tell you that we’re over. I’m tired of pretending that you’re a decent person.”

“Fine, go be with that whore ‘Lee Lee’ then.”

“Don’t you dare call her a whore. She’s the most honest and kindhearted girl I have ever met. You have no right to call her that, let alone even speak her name. She was right all along, you really are a bitch.”

“Fuck you Kris. I hope you’re miserable with her.”

“Not possible” I said hanging up with her. I couldn’t help but smile, I was free from her! Now I just need to work on what I really want, no not want need. I went to pick up her favorite Chinese and went directly to her apartment.

“Chinese?” I said when she opened up the door.

“You broke up with her.” She smiled.

“Yea how do you always know?”

“You always come over with take-out after a break-up, if you bring Mexican it was a bad one and weighs heavy on you just like how the food is heavy. If it’s Chinese you’re happy about it, because Chinese food makes you think of A Christmas Story. ‘Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra’.” I couldn‘t help but laugh when she sang just like the movie.

“You know me too well Lee Lee.”

“Why do you always get my favorites? Do you even like half of this stuff?”

“I’ve grown to like it.”

“You’re ridiculous” she said settling into my side as we watched one of her favorite old movies, and an epically long on at that, Gone with the Wind . . . 4 hours. But the best 4 hours of my life with her that close to me.

“Sleep Lee Lee” I said after the movie was over, her eye lids had been drooping for the past half hour.

“Ok Tangs.” I kissed the top of her head breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “Just a nap and then we should go out with the guys to celebrate your freedom.”

“Sounds great. Are you cold Lee?” I asked when she shivered as I rubbed her back. I had the feeling that she shivered because of me but I don’t want to let that get to my head when it could very well be wrong.

“A little.” I carefully pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered her up. “Thanks Tangs.”

“Sure thing Kaleigh.”

I was on the verge of falling asleep when I heard her mumbling. She’s talking in her sleep, she only does that when something is on her mind.

“Tangs . . . No . . . tangs come back . . .don’t go . . .” she giggled slightly before saying my name again. Was she dreaming about me? What was I doing? I want to know every detail of what is happening in her dream.

When we got to the bar shots were had by all, too many shots in a row for some, and by some I mean Kaleigh, she was always too flirty if she got drunk to fast. Luckily she was flirting with me, and damn she looked good tonight. Her warm brown hair was swept to one side out of her face, her makeup was perfect it looked like she didn’t have any on minus her now dark lashes. She was wearing heels, that made her come up to my jaw when we stood next to one another, with a navy blue form fitting dress that stopped mid thigh. My imagination was running wild as she danced with me seductively, too bad I know that it’s only because she’s been drinking.

“Lee Lee . . . You should stop that” I said trying to find my voice as she ground her butt into my lap.

“Why Tangs? Getting you worked up?” she said biting her lip looking me straight in the eye.

“Maybe . . .” I’m pretty sure she could feel what she was doing to me, or starting to do to me.

“Are you having a good time Tangs?” she asked turning to face me.

“Yeah thanks for suggesting this.”

Suddenly the song changes to ‘Slow Motion’ by Juvenile.

“SIDSTER! I like it like that, She’s workin that back, don’t know how to act, Slow motion to me, slow motion to me!” she sang loudly as Sid came over laughing and they started dancing.

I walked away trying to get a grip on the images running through my brain, and the feeling of her pressed up against me on the dance floor, I end up going to the bathroom to splash water on my face. When I got back out there she was dancing and laughing with Sid still, his hands resting on her hips casually, and instantly I felt my blood boil. If she can flirt with my teammates then I can flirt with random chicks at the bar.

“Hey there handsome.” Right on cue.

“Hi” I said brushing stray hair from her face. She looked nothing like Kaleigh, exactly what I want. She presses her body against me, she’s so fake but I don’t care I’m mad at Lee Lee and Sid. I finally and single when she is and she’s all over Sid and he’s letting her. I run my hands over this girls back and she presses her lips firmly on mine, it’s rough and desperate, nothing like I’m sure kissing Kaleigh would be like, but I go along with it trying to push thoughts of her from my head.

“I’m Jenn by the way” the girl says when I pull away for a moment.

“Don’t care,”

“Alright” she says with a wink pulling me back into another kiss.

I hear someone clear their throat snapping me out of the intense jealously make out session I was having with . . . Fuck it I don’t remember her name nor do I care.

“Jordan” I said with a smile. Gesturing to the girl telling her I’d be right back.

“What the hell did you do Tanger?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Why did Kaleigh just leave looking like she was about to cry?”

“I don’t know ask Sid they were looking awfully comfortable with each other earlier.”

“God you’re an idiot you know that. She’s IN LOVE WITH YOU!”

“No she’s not. We’re friends. Nothing more” I said starting to believe it. Or maybe I was drunker than I thought. I just shook my head walking past the guys and out of the club. Once I was home I passed out on my bed, dreaming of Kaleigh.

A week later:
She hasn’t answered a single one of my texts, and I know not to call her when she won’t do that. I’m honestly starting to get a little worried.

“She’s coming in today” Sid said as I sat in my stall thinking about her. “Since Coach is her uncle and all. He asked her to come in.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked knowing he was as mad as everyone else about how I acted towards her.

“Because you guy need each other your ‘Tangs and Lee Lee’ or some shit like that” he said with a light chuckle. “She’ll be here soon.”

I nodded and walked out into the hall just as she was walking up, “Lee Lee!”

“Hey Kris.”

“That’s all I get?” She gave me the best hug we’ve had in a while, and I felt guilty for being on the receiving end of it, she was sad about something. “Where did you go the other night? You were there one minute and the next you were gone.”

“You looked a bit occupied.” I could almost not hear her.

“I always have time for you Lee Lee.”

“I know Tangs . . .” her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Alright what’s wrong?” I know it’s a stupid question, I’m what’s wrong, I fucked up. You were with me and I probably would have made a move if I hadn’t been an idiot and thought something was going on between you and Sid. You have told me how many times that Sid is like a 4th brother to you, except he was there unlike your real ones.

“Nothing just sleepy.”

“Alright, well I have to finish getting ready for practice” I said trying to believe her.

“Is Uncle Dan in the office?”

“Yea I think so.”

“Thanks” she said as I walked back into the locker room.

“Well?” they all asked.

“She said she was alright.”

“Tanger you’re an idiot!” Jordan said. “She’s in love with you. Of course she’s not alright you were basically all over that blonde chick at the club. She’s probably devastated.”

“What are you talking about Staalsy?”

“Ok Tanger listen really carefully” Flower said slowly. “It’s obvious to everyone but the two of you that you’re both going to end up together. Just stop being an idiot and come to your senses.”

“Tanger do you know what we were talking bout at the club Leigh and I?” Sid asked in his usual captain tone. “She said that she was confused, she’s been in love with you forever Kris, she’s upset because everytime she thinks she has a shot you go and find a girl that is the exact opposite of her in everyway possible. And that makes her think that you could never like her as more than I friend.”

“That’s crazy why wouldn’t I like her?”

“Ummm let’s see Marie- Tall leggy fake blonde. Hailee- tall stick fake blonde. Ashley- tall fake DUMB blonde. . .” Flower pointed out. “Shall I go on?”

“Tanger when are you going to just tell her that you’re in love with her man?” Jordan asked.

“Fuck” I said sitting with my head in my hands. “She’s not alright, she’s hurting and I’m the one who hurt her fuck fuck fuck!”

“Pretty much man.”

“Why is Tanger yelling at himself?” Billy asked.

“Kaleigh.”

“Gottcha.”

“What does everyone know how she feels but me?” I asked defeated.

“Everyone knows how you both feel about each other except the two of you” Billy said patting me on the back as he left the locker room to hit the ice.

Kaleigh stood with her uncle during the beginning of practice. She looked deep in thought saying something to coach and the watching us again, her eyes seldom meeting mine.

“Really!?! Guys, what the hell is going on out there?” She yelled randomly we all stopped and stared at her. “Sorry Uncle Dan. I didn’t mean to . . .”

“No there has to be a reason . . . Go ahead and tell them.”

She waited a few seconds making sure he was ok with it before telling us how things were. “Do you guys want to win? Do you want to go to the playoffs? Because right now, it doesn’t look like you do. Since when is hockey and individual sport? I mean last I knew it was about a team. I have faith in you guys I know that you can win the cup, I know that you’re all capable of doing this. But if you keep playing like you are it’s never going to happen.” He voice went from pissed to sad. “This isn’t Sidney Crosby and the Penguins, or Fluery and the Penguins. It’s just the Penguins. You’re the fucking Pittsburgh Penguins, a team that last year was pretty damn close to winning the Stanley Cup! What happened to that team? What happened to the group of guys that were so in sync and could have fun. If you look at this as a job you’re never going to win. You all love this sport, every single person on the ice right now, and countless others. You may have played in the street or on a pond but then you did this for fun at one point in your lives. You dreamt about being where you are right now. You all are so lucky to do what you love to do and get paid for it . . . You can basically be kids again. You’re showing every kid out there that if you follow your dream great things will happen, if you follow your heart you can be a champion. So, try playing with heart again and maybe you’ll get your swagger back.”

“Nicely put. Alright Guys you heard her . . . Lets see some heart.”

“Holy shit that was a kick ass speech” I said skating away with Sid.

“I know, she totally out did me as captain.”

“Yea she did. That’s the girl I fell in love with.”

“Don’t tell me that tell her.”

Practice ended and I went home to sleep before tonight’s game, Lee Lee’s words ringing throughout my brain. Heart. What’s in my heart is you Lee Lee. All I can feel right now is you. The only thing that there is room for in my heart is you. So, I guess I’ll play tonight for you, there has to be more than enough to pull out a win in here.

Changing into my uniform the only thing I could think of was winning this for her, and from the silence in the room everyone else was thinking about how true her words were, they hung lightly in the air giving us all hope. We knew that an entire city was rooting for us but hearing it from her someone we all know and respect hit a chord.

Every time I saw her face from the ice I could see that we were making her proud. Sometimes I think that she loves hockey more than I do. So when I scored the game winning goal I instantly stopped in front of her and pointed showing her that it was all her, she was the reason that we won she gave us our ‘swagger’ back.

I changed quickly hoping to catch her before she left and I did. “I love you Lee Lee, I’m so glad you were here.” I said lifting her up in a tight hug

“I’m glad I was here too Tangs, that goal was amazing.”

“Come out and celebrate with us.”

“I’m really tired.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, but you should go have fun.”

“Alright” I said wishing I could change her mind but I knew I couldn’t. “Night Kaleigh.”

“Night Tangs.”

I did my best to get things back to as normal as I could but ever since she came to practice and told us we were being for lack of a better word selfish I couldn’t help but fall deeper and deeper in love with her. So that’s what brought me to this moment, standing in front of her door with a 6pack and a pizza in my hands, thinking of how I was going to tell her was the easy part doing it was where I was struggling. I took a deep breath and knocked on her door, waiting for her to answer

“I need your advice” I said once she opened the door.

“Obviously, you guys always bring that when you need my advice.” Wow we should mix it up sometime. She led the way to the living room and took a slice from the box I handed her a beer and we sat there facing each other for a second before she spoke. “Alright shoot.”

“Well I think I have feelings for this girl, but I’m about 80% sure she doesn’t feel the same way.”Dear God I hope this works.

“80% sure? How so?”

“Well, she flirts, but not around the guys, she’s always saying that I’m her best friend, and sometimes I catch her staring deep into my eyes. It’s like she can see into my soul.” You’re doing it right now actually.

“Hmm, how do you feel about her?”

“She’s the most amazing girl in the world. She’s exactly what I want in a wife.”

“A wife? Wow.” Exactly the reaction I thought I’d get when mentioning the word ‘wife’.

“Yea, Lee Lee . . . She doesn’t care about my job, although she loves hockey. She never asks me for anything but I would give her the world. She’s everything you said I need and more.”

“Wow Tangs, when do I meet her?” She looked almost sad asking this.

“You can’t . . .” Here goes nothing.

“Why not? Tangs I’m your best friend why can’t I meet her!?!” Now she was mad at me.

“She’s you Kaleigh. I’m in love with you.” There it is, heart on the line.

“I’m . . . I . . . I’m sorry wha . . . what?” Her face held her classic ‘what the hell are you saying’ look.

“I’m in love with you.” I set my drink on the table before placing a hand on her knee, so she knew I was serious.

“How long Tangs?”

“Since you knocked me on my ass in Wilkes/Barre.” Oh shit was this a mistake am I ruining everything? Why isn’t she saying anything.? “Will you say something please.” Then she smiled and set her drink next to mine.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to say that Kris.” As soon as the words left her mouth I pulled her in for the kiss I had been waiting for, for far too long. When I pulled away slowly I looked into her forest green eyes and I could tell that this was real, what we would have would be forever.

“I love you Kaleigh Ann Blysma. Always have” I said still holding her.

“I love you too Kristopher Allen Letang. Always will.”