I Need Him, My Gerard

“Are you okay?” I whispered to Gerard, squeezing his hand tighter.

“Of course I am, why would I care about all the people staring at us, publicizing me, judging me?”

“OK, so what do you want to do? We could ditch the second half of school and go to the mall if you want. Or we could swear at all these people and hold our heads high. Or we could make out in front of these people, or we could even throw a few punches at the front liners.”

“Awww. That’s sweet, but I think we should just lay low and walk past them all.”

“Good idea baby.”

We walked silently passed them, and I saw Mikey swear at a few people on our behalf. It showed me how good my friends were. So I pulled Gerard along, and the crowds parted to let us through.

“Frankie, would you bunk off school with me?”

“I’d do anything for you, why?”

“I can’t take this, that’s why I stay OUT of the public eye.” he looked out of his element among people.

“OK, let’s go.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, where do you want to go?”

“Erm, is anyone at your place?”

“No, not until about seven at the earliest.”

“Can we go there then?”

“OK.”

Then I pulled him off to the right, and swerved around people, breaking into a run. We kept on running, out the school gates, along the road and right to my house. I wasn’t tired yet, I could run for hours, but I could see Gerard was. He was red and sweaty, and he keeled over when we got into the house, grabbing my arm and dragging me down onto the sofa next to him. He collapsed on my chest, like I always do on him. He ran his hand around the inside of my shirt, before putting his hand right up, stroking my chest, spreading his hand across it.
I kissed his cheek and ran my hand through his wet hair.

“Someone got hot on the way over,” I said, laughing. He was still exhausted.

“Frankie, I’m tired, will you run your cheek into my fist please?”

“No can do Gee.”

“Well your no fun are you. What should we do?”

“Hmmm, I know what I want to do, but a court of law may frown upon it.”

“Well,” I said, rather dirty images running through my mind.

Of course, I still had to ask what he was thinking.

“What sort of thing were you thinking.”
Five minutes later we were stuffing our pockets with sweets in Wal-Mart, just because we could. It’s funny, I thought of something else we could do outside the law, but whatever, we are doing what Gerard wants today. Before we left the store we emptied our pockets back onto the shelves. Gerard had no intention of stealing that stuff, he just wanted the buzz. We went back to my house, and watched some T.V. At about six, Gerard kissed me.

“I have to go, or my mum will suspect something. Mikey won’t grass, but she can usually work it out when I’ve skipped school.”

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, we’ll walk in the morning, ok?”

“Yeah ok. Could you come and knock for me please. I don’t want my mum thinking I’m
Bunking, and If I walk to school with someone she won’t get worried.”

“Of course I can baby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I kissed him and squeezed his hands. Then he got up and I walked him to the door. I waved goodbye to him at the door, until he was out of sight around the corner. I ate some food, and went upstairs. I didn’t leave my room until the next morning. I spent my evening working on my drawing skills, and writing in my journal about Gerard. I woke up feeling really crappy. But I got up anyway, and got dressed and got my stuff together. I stumbled out of my room and down the stairs. Then I stumbled out the house and down the road. The pain in my stomach was immense, but as I walked and breathed in the fresh air it subsided slightly. As I walked I was starting to look forward to seeing Gerard this morning. Oh great, just what I needed this morning. The stupid gang of jocks that beat the crap out of Mikey a couple of years ago. That will really brighten up the morning. I hunched my shoulders over and put my head down, trying to slip past them unnoticed. Of course I didn’t.

“Hey it’s that gay faggot.” smirked one of them.

I couldn’t help it, I had to say something.
“Gay faggot, very clever bright spark.”

I laughed at my own little piece of sarcasm.
“Hey, you stupid little faggot,” suddenly one of them grabbed me by the hair and pulled me into there midst.
I lay on the floor and waited for the beating to stop. I was in a lot of pain, but my trick was to show no emotion, and they would get bored soon. They didn’t though. Someone kicked me in the head, and I blacked out. When I woke up I was in some moldy little cabin. I was really worried and scared. I tried to move, but my body was not only broken and bruised, but I was tied up with hard ropes. I shed a tiny tear, but that was just a bodily function, I wasn’t crying. No one was around, but I couldn’t tell what time it was. I knew I had missed school though, and I could almost tell the sun was going down. I heard heavy footsteps crunching up the path to the cabin I was in. I couldn’t be sure who it was, so I kept quiet. A man came into the room, and shouted when he saw me.

“What happened to you?” he asked, running over to me.

“Please help, I’ve been kidnapped. I think.”

“How?”

“I was walking to school and I got attacked by these kids. They beat me and I blacked
Out. I woke up and I was tied up in here.”

“OK let’s get you out of here,” he said.

He came and untied the stiff knots and helped me up. He gave me a ride home, where I stumbled through the door and spent the next ten hours on the floor in the basement. I think someone knocked at the door a few times but I couldn’t get up for it. I finally woke up and wondered if Gerard was OK. I realised I stood him up and I’m worried about him. So I can finally get up, and I’m going to see Gerard. I walked out the house and I went to Gerard’s my head down. I was a little traumatized by what had happened, and now I’m extra shifty with anyone on the streets. I finally reached Gerard’s house. I knocked. There was no answer. His parent’s car was gone, and I knew Mikey was away, but I could see Gerard’s light was on from the basement, and I knew he was in. I tried the door, and to my complete surprise it opened. I went in. “hello? Gee? Are you there?” I went down into the basement and opened his door. There he was, slumped over his desk. I thought he might be asleep, but as I got closer I saw blood on the floor and desk. There was blood everywhere, and as I ran over to Gerard I saw his wrists were cut and leaking, and there were pills all over the desk. Gerard was still conscious and was slicing his legs, tears streaking his face, smearing his eyeliner all the way down. He must have lost colossal amounts of blood, but he was still alive. I pulled the rusted razor blade out of his cut
Hand and threw it away. I held his head in my arms, and he zoned back in.

“Frankie?”

“Yes Gee, I’m here babying. What have you done to yourself?”
I asked that question more to me than to him, because it was pretty obvious what he had done.”

“Where have you been, I thought you didn’t love me, I wanted to die.”

“My Gerard, I love you more than life. Let’s clean you up.”

I ran to the bathroom, getting tissue and a bowl of water. I ran to the kitchen and found the first aid kit, and started cleaning his deep leaky wounds. When I cleaned him up and bandaged him, I helped him to his bed, where I laid with him, stroking his hair until he went to sleep.

“I love you Frankie,” he whispered, even though he had taken pills I could tell he meant it.

“I love you too Gerard, with all my heart. Sleep now my love, my friend, my Gerard.”

His eyes flickered shut, and I got to work quickly cleaning the mess of suicidal carnage he had left all over the room before anyone got home.