I Need Him, My Gerard

White rooms, white gowns and white lights. The stenches of thick disinfectant making me feel sicker. I’ve been here for what, eleven hours now? Mikey, Ray and Bob have spent hours down here, trying to get me to move but I can’t. It’s not that I won’t, I just can’t. If I leave, I feel like I’d be leaving my heart and soul here as well.

“Excuse me Frank, but I really think you should sleep now.” Gerard’s day nurse, who I have got to know quite well from all the time I’ve spent here.

“You know I can’t,” I mumbled.

“Frank, you sound awful, I don’t want to be setting up another bed because you worried yourself into illness.”

“You’re right, but I can’t leave him. If he wakes up and I’m not here…”

“Mr. Iero? Can I see you for a moment please?” Gerard’s annoying doctor, I didn’t want to talk to him.

“Oh ok,” I muttered. I got up and quickly kissed Gerard’s chapped dry lips and whispered a quick ‘I love you’ before following the disgusted looking doctor out of the room.

“Now Mr. Iero, I don’t want you getting too upset, but it doesn’t appear that Gerard is making any progress. I believe we should let him go, but I will leave it up to you and Gerard’s family to make the final decision.”

“You’re lying, tell me you’re lying,” I mumbled, my eyes filling with tears. I rocked myself backwards and forwards slowly and cried.

“I’m afraid not.” He looked very uncomfortable with the whole situation, but not sorry pr upset that someone as wonderful as Gerard might leave this world much sooner that he should.

“Can I go and see him now,” I whispered, standing up.

“Yes,” he started, and I could see he was going to make another comment about Gerard’s state, so I leaped up and raced out the room and back to Gerard’s side. Even though he couldn’t hear me, I was going to tell him everything I always wanted to or thought I would have the chance to someday.

“Do you want me to leave?” The nurse said, seeing that I really wanted to talk to Gerard alone.

“Yes please,” I said, feeling like I was going to start crying again in a few seconds.
She left and I pulled my chair up so it was touching Gerard’s bed. I gripped his hand and began talking to him, softly.

“Hey Gerard, I love you. I want you to know, I think you’re perfect in every way. I adore you. Remember all the times we’ve shared? You taught me what love was, you taught me everything. It’s stupid, no, actually, it’s all I ever wanted, but I was going to ask you to marry me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, have kids with you and just be with you. If you die, I’ll die too Gerard. I don’t want to live without you.” I squeezed his hand tightly, and let it go. I could have sworn he squeezed back, just a little bit, but checking the monitor, I could see I had just imagined it.
I bent down and kissed him lightly and stroked his hair. What had he done to deserve this? Hit and run, that’s what they said. I knew it wasn’t like that, Gerard probably laid down in the road, and he does that kind of thing when he’s wasted. I just stared at him and I couldn’t stop. I kept looking at him, begging him silently to get up, but he didn’t. Then his eyes flickered. They definitely flickered. Maybe he had an inch of life left, maybe he was fighting.

“Gerard, Gerard I need you to wake up now baby,” I whispered in his ear. I kissed his lips hard, and put my hand behind his head and lifted it upright. His eyes flickered again, and he opened his eyes. I forgot how beautiful his eyes were. Pools of hazel with tiny flecks of green and gold dancing in them.

“Oh Gee; I’m so glad you’re awake.” I sighed, letting a tear fall from my eye, down my cheek and onto Gerard’s pasty cheek.

“Why do I hurt?” He asked me, bewildered and shaky, and cracking through lack of moisture.

“You’ve been a bit sick baby, you got hit by a car, but you’re all better now, you’re going to get better.”

“I love you Frankie.” he whispered, trying to lift his hand up to pull me in, but failing through lack of strength. I leaned in and he brought his lips to mine, kissing me lightly.
I kissed back slightly hungrily, and he smirked.

“You missed me when I was all sleepy, didn’t you hun?” he said, grinning at me.

“Well obviously I missed you Gerard.” I said, kissing his cheek and smiling. “just to let you know, you are going to HATE your doctor, he’s the biggest homophobe you ever met, worse then your dad.”

“Can’t I trade him in or something?”

“I’m afraid not.” I said, laughing and he laughed too.

“How’d I get hit?” he asked me. Did he really not remember anything from his birthday?

“We had all gone to a bar after the movie, and got drunk. You decided to go outside for some air and when I went out to see if you were ok, you were in the road. I think you ran out.”

“Quite possible, did I miss my birthday?

“Yup.” I sighed and he pouted. I forgot how cute he looked when he pouted, and I leaned in for another kiss. He deepened it, and giggled.

“I’m going to go and tell the doctor tat he is a stupid idiot, because he wanted to pull the plug on you.”

“Seriously? You weren’t considering it where you?”

“Not for a second.” I said definitely, giving his hand a supportive little squeeze and getting up.

“Hurry back Frankie,” he called, before sighing and closing his eyes for a little rest. I smiled and found myself breathing out a sigh of relief I had been harboring for a long time now. I paced up the white halls, they didn’t bother me so much now, and even the doctor couldn’t bother me now.

“Mr. Iero, have you spoken to the Ways?”

“Yes.”

“Have you made a decision?”

“Yes, we are going to pull the plug.” He sat back and smiled smugly.

“It’s for the best I think, medically,” he said.

“Yeah, we were thinking it isn’t necessary to run machinery with no one attached to it, right.” I had to try so hard to keep a straight face.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean by that.”

“Gerard woke up a few minutes ago, reasonably healthy, which shows what you know about, well, everything doesn’t it.” Priceless, the guys eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, and his red face drained quickly.

“This is very unusual, of course it’s a good thing, and I’ll go and see him now.” He got up and bustled out, and I walked along behind him.

“Ah Gerard Way, the miracle man,” the doctor said, coming in and smiling sickly at Gerard.

“Ah, Doctor Dumbass, homophobic prick,” Gerard retorted, and I choked a muffled laugh. The doctor glared at me, but then turned back to Gerard and smiled.

“Very clever Gerard, now I need to check you out.”

“You people are supposed to call me Mr. Way and only Frankie can check me out.” The doctor’s lips tightened and I walked over to Gerard and took his hand, smirking with pride that I got Gerard.

“Right you are Mr. Way, but I have to give you a check up now to make sure everything’s going well.”

“Fine, but you don’t touch me, alright?”

“I have to put this tube in your arm though.”

“Frankie can do it,” he said, crossing his arms and pouting. Even if this guy was a homophobe, no one can resist pandering to that little pout.

“Fine, but don’t blame me if he screws it up.” He muttered under his breath. I was really flattered Gerard trusted me that much, but I was really worried I would hurt him if I tried.

“Alright Mr. Iero, I need you to put your hand firmly around Gerard’s arm. On the count of three slide this tube upwards until I tell you to stop. On three, one, two, three…” I slid the tube up his arm, and Gerard yelled some colorful words and a tiny tear slid down his cheek.