Suicidal Education

“So, what should we do with you?” Gerard pondered, sitting on his bed. I was nervously picking at a loose thread from my tank-top as I watched them watch me.

The brothers shared what had to be the darkest room in the house, and the walls were plastered with science fiction memorabilia and ink sketches of unique comic book characters. The only source of light came from a small lamp on Mikey’s bedside table. The overall affect was oddly cozy.

“Let’s adopt her!” Mikey exclaimed suddenly. “Mom always wanted a daughter.”

“Um… how about no, you dumbass,” Gerard replied, chucking a pillow at his little brother. The funny thing was I actually wouldn’t have protested to the idea.

“If you could just drive me home, that would be cool,” I piped up for the first time since dinner.

“Yeah, sure. Gimme your address and I’ll take you.”

I dug into my purse and pulled out a wrinkled, green post-it-note with my new address scribbled on it. I passed the slip of paper to Gerard, who studied it for a minute or so.

“Great, I know exactly where this is,” he exclaimed and stood up, as if to leave.

I panicked.

“Can we wait a while longer, please? My step-mom is going to throttle me when I get back and I’d rather hold off until she’s asleep. If you don’t mind,” I practically pleaded.

“Nah, that’s fine. We can leave whenever.” He sat back down as Mikey disappeared behind an Alan Moore comic book, apparently disinterested in our conversation.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you run away?” Gerard asked.

I inhaled deeply. “She is making me go to Catholic school against my will, among other things…” I glanced over just in time to see Mikey smirk from behind his book, clearly picturing me in a Catholic School Girl uniform. I glared at him.

“What year are you in?” He must have sensed my discomfort, because Gerard struggled to try and change the subject.

“Senior.”

He smiled. “You’re Mikey’s age.”

“Cool, how old are you?”

“20, I’m an art student in New York.”

“Oh! So, you drew these?” I almost squeaked and gestured at the comic-style drawings covering the walls. He nodded.

Beaming, I jumped up to examine his work more closely. Gerard really was an exceptional artist. After a good five minutes, I quietly praised him for his work and awkwardly sat back down. Mikey and Gerard exchanged looks.

“Thanks, Amanda!”

“Mandy,” I said timidly, shaking my head.

“Pardon?”

“Just call me Mandy,” I clarified.

“Alright, Mandy, do you like Star Wars?”

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As the clock ticked slowly towards midnight, I found myself opening up more and more to Gerard and Mikey. I know it’s not the normal way people make friends, but I felt an unexplainable connection to these strange characters, I mean they probably saved my life by rescuing me at the park.

“So, what’s Florida like? Is it really full of old people?” questioned Gerard. He was lying on his back on the floor, his head tilted to look at the corner where I sat comfortably on a squishy bean-bag chair.

“Florida is my favorite place in the world. And most of the old people live in Tampa or the suburbs, so I was pretty safe. All I really saw were tourists and happy tan people,” I explained, nostalgically. A smiled crept up to my lips.

“What city are you from?”

“St. Augustine. The whole place is a big tourist trap, but I absolutely love it.” The smile faded as my thoughts strayed to my life and friends back home.

My REAL home.

“What do you think you’ll do when you’re older?” My sadness must have shown on my face, because Gerard changed the subject again.

“Like as a profession?”

“Yeah.”

I bit my lip and contemplated his question. I was never very good with math which narrowed down my possibilities drastically. Also, the thought of working nine to five in a stuffy office building depressed me greatly. The only future career I could see myself in was photography, but I knew that was a long shot.

“I’m not too sure yet. I’d love to be a photographer, but that’s kind of unrealistic.”

Gerard sat up and shrugged. “Life is full of disappointments, Might as well get used to it.”

I found myself agreeing with his comment, no matter how bleak it was. I learned when I was a little girl wishing that I could grow up with my real mother, that dreams meant nothing if you know that they’d never come true. Why get your hopes up, only to be repeatedly thrown painfully back down to earth? It wasn’t worth it.

“What about you guys?”

“I’m going to be a musician. Full time, like in a band. I play bass and I think I’m pretty good,” Mikey answered confidently. He was so sure of himself; I envied him.

“Cool, what about you, Gerard?”

“Well, after art school I’ll probably wind up drawing for cartoons or something.” He gestured to his artwork stapled to the walls, looking defeated. I had a feeling that Gerard was as dark and broken as I was, just slightly different.

“Nothing wrong with that,” I replied, feeling awkward again. Just then the theme song from Mighty Mouse sounded from my purse. “Shit, sorry!” I fumbled through my bag and answered my chunky cell phone.

“Hello?”

“Mandy, what the hell did you do? The step-monster called me, all hysterical, saying that you didn’t come home for curfew, and that you wouldn’t answer the phone for her!”

“Drew?” My cheeks flushed pink even though I knew Gerard and Mikey couldn’t hear my brother shouting at me.

“You only have one more year with her; stop stepping on her toes!”

“Ugh, you don’t understand! You never had to live alone with IT!”

My brother sighed into the phone. “Look, I have an exam tomorrow I didn’t study for, and I don’t have time to be worrying about my little sister. Just answer your phone next time she calls or go home or something. Please?”

“I can’t; I blocked the house’s number.”

“For fuck’s sake, please at least try with her. Keep your nose clean, I gotta go.”

“No promises.”

“Bye Mandy.”

“Bye,” I hung up and clumsily stuffed the cell back into my purse.

“I’m so sorry; It was my brother,” I said, embarrassed.

“It’s no problem,” Gerard yawned and slowly got up off the floor. “Do you want me to give you a ride now?”

I nodded and rather ungracefully stood up off the bean bag, still not able to wrap my head around why they were being so nice to me. I wasn’t worth all the trouble they were going through, but they welcomed me immediately.

“You guys have been way too nice to me.”

“Don’t mention it. Come on, we’ll take you home now,” Gerard replied, grabbing his car keys.

Mikey lowered his comic book and stretched. “What do you mean ‘we’? I want to go to sleep,” he said in the middle of a huge yawn. His brother shot him a death glare, but I laughed.

“It’s okay; I wouldn’t want to keep you from your beauty sleep.”

“Sweet, bye Mandy!” He waved.

“See ya around.”

“Ready?” Gerard asked and gently led me out to his car.