The ED Diaries

"What are you doing here?" Lucinda sneered, her voice scratching against the pipe in her neck as it traveled up past her lips. Call her crazy, but she didn't think he was going to do anything. She definitely didn't think he'd come here of all places.

Benjamin eyed Lucinda wearily, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he did so, precariously. "How long?" he finally asked. Lucinda's gaze wavered. She stared at her mother, who was a few feet behind her father, wearing a red Black Label Ralph Lauren dress.

"I went to see your father." Jacob's face was stony as Lucinda's turned to shook. She grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the way of a few Swans trying to get by.

"You did what?" she snapped, her voice barely above a whisper. Jacob didn't answer just stared at the girl. He wondered why he'd never noticed before; the way her bones jutted out in awkward places, and how she was always missing after lunch. He'd been too caught up in the façade she'd built; perfect, perfect, perfect.

"Why would you do that!" she cried when she finally succumbed to the truth of his words. He'd gone to her father. No doubt he'd told him what he'd seen in the school bathroom.

She shook her head disapprovingly. "Worthless," she mouthed. Lucinda gulped. Her father's gaze never left her. She shifted on the leather couch, her stomach rising and falling in a way that told her she was going to be sick. Being under the scrutiny of her parents, and Jacob didn't help the nauseousness.

Finally she whispered, "Not long."

Her father laughed harshly the sound vaguely resembling a laugh at all. "Not long," he muttered. "Not long." He moved back, pressing his back against the cushions as he sighed.

"It couldn't have been going on for but a month, Benjamin, otherwise I would've noticed," Isabel said, coming to Lucinda's rescue.

Benjamin gritted his teeth, but didn't respond to her mother. He connected eyes with his daughter, wondering how he'd let this happen to his little girl, and then asked, "How much do you weigh?"

"You're father's car is outside. He sent me in here to get you."

Lucinda turned her head, a strand of blond hair releasing from her bun as she did so. It fell into her frail face, reminding Jacob she was still human, that she wasn't completely perfect. "I can't go."

"You don't have a choice."

She turned back, her blue eyes connecting his hazel ones in a fiery stare. "I'm the lead of this production. The show will not go on without me."

Jacob didn't want to say these next words, but knew he had to. "You need help."

Lucinda gave him a starry look. You have no idea. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Lucinda stared. That's a personal question, she thought, thinking back to the last weigh-in. She'd been back and forth lately, dialing in one-hundred and fourteen pounds, to have it rise and fall.

"Answer the question Lucinda."

"One-hundred and thirty-four pounds, father," she said confidently, jutting out her chin. Jacob cringed; he knew what was coming next. He wondered if it was wrong of him; wrong of him to have outed her like he had, wrong of him to had taken her weight journal.

Her father pulled out the worn leather journal and slammed it down on the coffee table between Lucinda and him. "Really? One-hundred and thirty-four pounds? That's weird 'cause according to this, you were one-hundred and thirty-four pounds five months ago."

Lucinda bit down into her lip. She'd lost. A bubble of shame burst in the pit of her stomach, rising up her throat like bile, binding her mouth shut. She didn't dare look at her mother. She knew very well how she'd feel. She didn't condone anything Lucinda was doing to her body, but she hadn't stopped her either. For a while, she'd told Lucinda to eat breakfast every morning, packed Lucinda a lunch, gave her money to buy take-out. But after a while she just stopped. Stopped caring what Lucinda did.

"Luce!" Jacob and Lucinda's attention was stolen by a petite brunette dressed like a swan. "We're on, come on! It's time!" She was beaming brightly at her leader, ready to begin the show.

Lucinda took a step towards her, more than willing to leave Jacob and the god-awful conversation they were having. Jacob grabbed her arm though, stopping her. Lucinda cast him a look. "Let me go, Jake."

Jacob was momentarily stupefied. He'd never heard her use his nickname before. Lucinda utilized the moment and pulled away from him and began to walk off with the girl. Jacob caught up with her slow steps easily, and propped himself in front of her and the curtains. "You go on that stage, Lucinda and so help me god, I'll drag you off and carry you out this place, myself."

Benjamin's eyes softened as he scanned over his daughter. She was stone, nothing more than a shell of a person. Where'd she gone, he didn't know. How he'd missed this, he wasn't sure. Precariously, he pulled out the Seabrook Clinic brochure and set it on the table in front of her.

Carefully, her eyes fell and then she gasped. Her mother peaked at the brochure over her father's shoulder. "Benjamin, you can't possibly think –."

Benjamin interjected, saying, "Seabrook is a very nice rehabilitation center. I've already called you in; your intake date is this Saturday."

Lucinda didn’t say anything. She was staring at Jacob in the corner of the room.

Her father continued, "The facility is in Maine, your plane is at three o'clock. I'll pick you up at one o'clock on Saturday." Benjamin stood, flattening out his suit.

"You're accompanying her to Maine?" she asked incredulously.

"You may book a flight too, if you wish," he told her coldly. "I have to get going, I have an appointment."

"I hate you."

Benjamin and Isabel looked down at Lucinda who was still seated.

Her mouth was set, her eyes hard and cold staring straight at Jacob.