If I Told You I Loved You, How Far Would You Run?

“You know, most guys would be upset to find their boyfriend in bed with another guy,” Pete’s drawling voice is the first thing I hear when I wake up the next morning.

Shit.

I look over to find Ryan curled up next to me. “We didn’t do anything!” I blurt out.

“Pity,” Pete says, cleaning his fingernails in boredom. “I thought maybe you were getting somewhere.”

“Who says we’re not?” I retort.

Pete laughs. “You’d be acting differently if you were,” he says, shaking his head patronizingly.

“Who the hell let you in?” I demand.

“Jon.”

Okay, well duh. There’s no way Spencer would let Pete in. “Why am I even dating an asshole like you?” I ask grumpily.

“Because you’re in love with him,” Pete says, jerking his head in Ryan’s direction.

“Shut up!” I hiss. “What if he hears you?”

Pete shrugs. “What? I thought you wanted him to know.”

“Not unless he doesn’t feel the same way back,” I say, shaking my head.

“Well, how the hell will you know if he does, if you don’t tell him?”

I bite my lip; he has a good point. “Look, Pete,” I begin slowly. “Just … get out of here before Ryan wakes up.”

“Anything for you, my dear,” he says, leaning in to press his lips to my temple before swaggering off.

Asshole.

“Wazzat Pete?” Ryan’s groggy voice says from beside me.

“Um.”

I should probably tell him the truth, since I know I’d sure as hell be pissed if Ryan lied to me.

“Yeah, it was,” I mumble.

Ryan props himself up on his elbows and looks at me. “What did he want?” he asks curiously.

“Nothing important,” I tell Ryan, leaning over to brush his bangs out of his eyes. “I told him to leave.”

“Okay,” Ryan says with a small yawn. The most adorable yawn in the world.

Content just to sit in bed with Ryan, I sat there quietly, waiting for him to say something, do something, ask something, anything.

He merely sat next to me, just as quietly, watching me with his beguiling eyes.

“So … you wanna grab some breakfast?” I eventually ask.

His head bobs up and down; he’s still staring at me and there’s something puppy dog-like about the way he follows me into the kitchen.

“Is bagels okay?” I ask, holding up a bag of the round bread. Ryan nods and I laugh. “Have you lost your voice, Ry?”

“I might as well,” he says in a raw whisper, “if I can never say what I mean.”

“You can say anything in front of me,” I tell him, sliding the bagels into the toaster. “I’m not your dad, Ryan, I won’t hit you for saying the wrong thing.”

His eyes turn to the floor, then to the toaster, the ceiling, and finally my face. “I heard you and Pete talking,” he says, hazel eyes wide with fear. “I heard him say … that you were only dating him because … you were … in love … with … me. Is … is that true?”

“You’re not the only one who’s bad with words,” I say haltingly, watching Ryan tremble in front of me. “And I’m not sure how to say this, but … well, let me start with what you know and work backwards from there. I’m gay. You know I’m gay because I’m dating Pete. And I’m dating Pete, not because we actually like each other or anything, but because he told me that going out with someone else is a good way to make the person you actually like jealous and notice you. He suggested this because I like you. I like you and you asked Keltie out. After kissing me. Confusing me. So … yes, I am in love with you. And yes, that is the reason why I’m dating Pete.”

Ryan’s breath catches and he looks like he’s about to cry. “Are … are you expecting an answer?” he asks.

“Only if you want to give one.”

He blinks and my heart hammers painfully in my chest—this could be that one moment that I’ve been waiting on—this could be it.

Ryan’s lips part slightly and everything feels like it’s in slow motion—

“I can’t.”