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If I Told You I Loved You, How Far Would You Run?

Words Are Just Hollow Birds

I have my little speech planned out.

“Hey Ryan. So, um, can I talk to you about yesterday? You know, when you … kissed me. And I was just wondering what you meant by that. Are you … do you want to be my boyfriend, is that what you were saying? Because I … I really like you, Ry, and I want … to be your boyfriend. But if that’s not what you meant, that’s okay. I get that. Fine. I just hope we can stay friends, because your friendship means everything to me. Okay?”

Yes, I have my little speech all planned out.

I am all ready to face my best friend.

“Hey Ryan,” I say when I meet him by his locker.

“Hey Bren,” he says, flashing me a smile. “What’s up?”

What’s up? Really? Oh god, please don’t tell me he’s going to act like it never happened.

“Uh, not a whole lot,” I mumble. “You?”

Ryan closes his locker and turns to me. “Well, other than school, not a whole lot either,” he says and begins to head past me to his first period class, but I catch his arm.

“Wait,” I say and pull him back so we’re face to face. I look at him, his hazel eyes, and the concealer carefully painted over his black eye.

“What?” he asks with a hint of fear in his voice.

I look at him and I love this boy so much it hurts. “Nothing,” I say and release his arm. “See you later.”

“Okay, see you,” Ryan says and scuttles off down the hall.

* * *

Spencer, Ryan, and I eat lunch together, just like we always do, at a little round table with a few others—Pete, Patrick, William.

“So, I was thinking,” Pete begins in a drawling voice.

“Uh-oh,” Spencer mutters under his breath. I don’t know he has against him; Pete’s a nice guy, loud but nice.

He ignores Spencer and continues: “So it’s the middle of January now, right? And Valentine’s Day is in the middle of February, right? So …”

“Pete,” William says, tapping his soupspoon against his bowl. “Valentine’s Day is for, like, elementary schoolers. Why do we care about Valentine’s Day?”

He’s a good point.

“Bilvy, my friend,” Pete says loudly, swinging an arm around William. “We’re gonna have a party and we’re gonna focus on the passionate part of love and we’re gonna drink ourselves into lusty inebriation. And invite a lot of girls. Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

Not really. Hanging out with my drunk friends falling all over drunk girls doesn’t sound good to me. But I know that it will sound like fun to everyone else.

“Your house?” William asks, ducking out from under Pete’s arm.

“Course,” Pete says with a lazy grin. “I’ll supply the booze too. My parents are gonna visit my aunt that weekend, so we’ll have the place all to ourselves.”

“Who’s invited?” Patrick asks. “Other than the usual gang.”

Pete’s grin stretches wider. “Any hot girl you can convince,” he says.

“Please,” William says with a flap of his wrist. “That’s a recipe for disaster. Spencer and I will draw up a guest list, okay?”

Pete nods and Spencer’s got a half smile on his face and I know that I’ll show up at the party itself but I don’t want any part in the planning.

“And this is gonna work, how?” Ryan asks, one perfect eyebrow raised in skepticism.

Pete leans over to sling an arm around his shoulders. “Magic,” he whispers steamily in Ryan’s ear and slowly draws away, leaving my blood boiling.

Ryan blushes and stands to clear his tray. “Maybe if we aren’t all arrested by the time the party’s done, I’ll have a little bit more confidence in you, Wentz,” he says coolly and walks away.

“Your boyfriend’s a tough nut to crack, I’ll give him that much,” Pete says with an appreciative smile.

It takes me a few seconds to realize he’s talking to me. “Wha—?” I say stupidly. “Uh, Ryan’s not my boyfriend.”

Pete grins. “Oh really?” he asks slyly. “Then I guess he’s free for the taking.”

Okay, Spencer’s right: Pete’s a total dickhead.
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Super short, I'm sorry, but the chapter break had to be here.

Title--Do You Know What I'm Seeing? (Panic at the Disco)