What's Life Like Bleeding on the Floor?

This is how I disappear

Sarah screamed at the china cabinet before she opened it and proceeded to throw the entire contents to the floor. Then she headed for the kitchen, and started on the dishes. She knew, as soon as she wasn't there to watch everything he did, he would do this to her. And she was right, as usual. As she annihilated the last of the plates, she headed for the glasses. She had to cross the Sea of Shattered Plates (with no shoes) but she didn't care. Ignoring the feeling of the glass poking her feet, she ripped the next door open and flung the cups, one after the other, into the wall opposite her.
'For the bitch your with now,' she said a new thought for every glass she flung, working up her anger and hurt even more with each crash. 'For leaving me with nothing, when you knew how much I really loved you'...'for taking sex over love'...'For taking money over four years'...one by one, she threw every last dish she owned at the wall, as if the wall would apologize for the pain in her heart...as if the wall would make it right. When she ran out of dishes, she stomped her way back to the living room (slipping and sliding in the puddle of blood on the tiled floor) and turned the cd player on. Fuck the neighbors, fuck the cops...fuck everyone. She put her bootleg cd in (which was all My Chemical Romance) said 'I don't give a fuck if he is my neighbor', and turned it up as loud as she could without blowing her speakers. Then she headed upstairs and put the candle on the back of the toilet into the mirror above the sink. She couldn't stand the sight of her own face anymore. There wasn't a fucking asshole on this planet worth staying here for, and she couldn't make it alone. She had never been able to since Allen, and she sure as hell couldn't now. Not with this ever-widening pit of depression and misery hanging inside her.
Standing there staring at the inside of her medicine cabinet brought a new thought to mind. Something she hadn't considered since she was in high school. Making the catholic cross with her hand, she hoped that 22 years of faith wasn't about to be wasted. 'God doesn't take you if you do it yourself,' said the voice in the back of her head as she opened the bottle of Excedrin. Swallowing a good half a bottle, she moved on to the Midol next. A fresh box of 24. Then it was the prescription Percocet she'd been given for her UTi. Six left. She threw the bottles on the floor as she emptied them, and the last thing she emptied was the Nyquil. Her cabinet was pretty bare looking by then. She sat down on the floor amid the shards of glass and plastic. 'What if this doesn't work, and I still wake up?' she asked herself. She contemplated this as she stared at the floor, and after a few minutes, the answer came to her. It was laying on the floor.
Picking up a shard of the mirror, she thought, 'You'd better do it right this time.' She took her time, sliding the edge along her arm as Gerard Way belted out some live song called 'Shut Up and Play.'
Suddenly, some one was calling her name. Thinking that she was hearing things, she ignored it and kept going. By now there was a pretty nasty mess all over the floor and her clothes. 'I wonder how long it'll take if I only-'
"Sarah, what the fuck?" There was somebody calling to her. Who the hell would even- oh. It was Gerard. He looked horrified, and scared.
"Gee, what are you doing here?" She asked calmly, pausing in her task.
"What the fuck are you doing, Sarah? Why?" he cried.
"Why not?" She srugged carelessly.
"What the hell kind of answer is that? Come on, let me-"
"NO, GERARD, STAY AWAY FROM ME!" He was spoiling it, taking it away. It was over now, couldn't he just accept that? She swung the glass at him haphazardly. She was starting to feel woozy. She slipped in the mess and fell backwards.
"Sarah, no. Look at you, god, can we even save you?"
"God saved me. A long time ago, and then he forgot about me." She retorted angrily.
"No, he didn't forget you, I'm here, Sarah, I'm here to save you, come on, please.."
He looked like he was going to cry for her. "Sarah, he's not worth it, come on, there are plenty of other guys who would love you like you are. Come on, please..." he begged. He had never handled death well, and he liked Sarah, she was nice. He had been there for her and now he felt a bit attached to her, like a five year old to his teddy bear. (Truth told she'd been there her fair share as well...) Deciding to take drastic action, he lunged forward and grabbed her arms, so she couldn't attack him with the mirror. He went down hard in the glass and blood mess and ignored the screaming of his knees as he felt the glass rip through the denim.
"Mikey! Mikey-help me!" he called as loud as he could. Suddenly it was silent as Mikey shut the radio off and ran upstairs.
"Gerard, Ray's watching for the-holy fucking shit! What happened to her!?"
There were tears in Gerard's eyes as he struggled with Sarah to keep her from finishing the job. "She did it, Mike, he left her, I'm sure. Help me get her out of here so she can't..."
Obeying his brother's request, Mikey grabbed her legs and together they almost dragged her down the stairs. "Gerard, come on, stop it! GODDAMNIT LET ME GO!!" She screamed, thrashing. Mikey turned his face as blood came flying at him.
"God, Gee, look at her-"
"She'll be fine, she'll be fine, she'll be fine," he chanted as if saying it would make it true.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE FINE, GERARD!" she hollared now bawling beyond control. "I don't fucking care! Why do you-"
"Somebody has to care, Sarah, we can't watch you do this." Mikey said rationally as he helped Gerard hold her down.
She still tried to fight, getting blood and broken glass everywhere. As the sirens finally came into hearing range, she started to lose steam. By now the drugs must have been working. "No, no, Sarah, please, you have to make it, I need you, please..." Gerard mumbled as she stared at the ceiling.
"I'm going to be honest, since it doesn't matter anymore. Mikey, I love you. You're the sweetest guy I ever met, and I seriously had fantasies about you every night. Gerard, you are the epitome of the perfect friend. I needed you more than I needed air. You guys...made it worth it for a while, but now not even sneaking glances at Mikey is enough. I need so much more than that, like only a combination of the two of you could do it... thanks for sticking up for me all the same, and thank Frankie for sharing his vial. It was the best night I ever had. Ever."
"We're here, is this her? What all did she do?" The Medic asked as he and a partner carried a bed in the front door.
"She swallowed so much shit..."
"I'm on it," Mikey said, running upstairs and retrieving the bottles.
"And she cut herself. That's all I know of."
"How long since she ingested the pills?"
"Since we called you, I think."
"Plenty of time," said number 2 as Mikey handed over the bloody bottles.
"We're they full?" he asked Sarah.
Sarah stared at Gerard's face. He was crying. Somebody was crying for her. Somebody was going to-
"Sarah, please tell the truth. Please," Gerard whispered. She stared at him in defiant and chemically induced silence.
"Half of the excedrin, all the midol and six percs," she said in a defeated voice. Why was she doing this? She could have easily made them think she was too far-gone, that she had done too much...
It was Mikey. The look in his eyes that begged her to stay. That said; 'If you had only told me sooner, Sara...' it was him, Goddamnit, another boy. Another stupid fucking boy. 'God don't damn, Sarah, you do,' said the voice in her head. 'He wouldn't have taken you anyway. Even God wouldn't have wanted you.'
She cried as they loaded her in and Gerard dragged Mikey's silent figure to the car. Then she was sleeping and she hoped that it had worked.

It hadn't worked. She woke up six days later in the ICU. The first thing she saw was Bob, glaring at her. "How did you get in here?"
"Gerard threatened the hospital. He's been crying and he refuses to go home. He hasn't eaten anything, and neither has Mikey. I hope you’re happy." Bob was unusually venomous. "Mikey told me he loved you, you idiot. You had him there the whole time, and all you had to do was ask. And Gerard...you were like his addiction. He needed you. Just as much as you needed him."
She looked at Bob through blurry, watery eyes. "I needed him too, Bob. But I couldn't force my disease on him anymore. I just don't want-"
"I don't care what you want. Gee and Mikey are like brothers to me, and you... you became a really good friend," his voice was getting softer now, "Julie would never have spoken to me again, if it wasn't for you trying to kill Lucy. And J...J trusted frank again because of you. And that girl Lillian, she and Ray date now. Don't you see? All this time you thought you were burdening us, and really, you were helping us just as much as we were helping you."
Sarah was crying now. "But they'll never let me out now because of what I did, and it would be embarrassing for Mikey to be seen in public with me."
"He's seen with Gerard. You've seen how Gee acts."
"Gee's his brother."
"Sarah, don't be ridiculous. Later on, when you're alone, and you're going to cry again, remember that Mikey and Gerard would have missed you."
And Bob left her there, feeling worse than ever.

Another week later, she went into a regular room. A regular room. The doctor came to see her and asked her how she felt about Paxil. She cried. "I don't think it will be permanent, Sarah, you are merely going through a very sad time in your life. You need more than medication. You need a support group, Sarah. You need to realize that you have friends somewhere," he said as calmly as one discusses the weather.
"I don't give a fuck about my pitiful ass existence anymore."
The door opened and Mikey walked in. "Sarah, I want you to come home."
"You play a dirty fucking game, Doctor," Sarah snapped, turning her puffy eyes away form Mikey's view.
"I know. But I have to do what I can for the people I can. And if someone begs me like this boy and his brother have to save a life, I must do everything in my power, dirty or not."
Sarah started leaking again. "They didn't beg."
"You want to fucking bet we didn't?" Mikey said. "You don't get it, do you? My brother has never handled death well, and he liked you. He felt like he could talk to you. Granted, you'll never replace Frank, or me but a girl who understands him without over reacting is a blessing. It lets Gerard know that there are girls who would like him even with all of his problems. And...I never told anyone half the shit I told you when we were drunk. I trusted you. Sarah, there are other people in the world aside from him."
Sarah knew he spoke the truth, but it hurt, god did it hurt! "There's no replacement for natural healing. You can't put me on drugs and expect I'll get better. I need to grieve."
"Sarah, I am well aware of that. We want to rest assured that if we leave you alone for five minutes, we can trust that you'll remember those of us still living."
She stared at the sheets.
"No one expects you to handle this over night, but look at it from our point of view."
"I know, it's just...I feel like I need that type of attention to be happy. And it's a lot of effing attention. That's a big responsibility, not to mention a big pain in the ass."
"You happily dealt with Gee on a regular basis."
"Yes, he made me feel important. I was needed for a little while."
"Don't you remember what I said to you the night we drank together?"
Sarah blushed deep red and leaked a few more tears. "Word for fucking word. I was scared you'd only said it cause you were drinking."
"Sarah," Mikey sighed. "You are so afraid of what you think people think, you can't see what they really do think."
"That's probably very true, but I'm also so fucking scared of being hurt. I am so loyal to the friends I do have that I couldn't handle something like this obviously," she mumbled.
Mikey leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Please come home, before Gerard starves himself to death." And he left Sarah with the Doctor, feeling very weird.

Two weeks later, Gerard came to pick Sarah up from the hospital. When he saw her walk out of her own accord, he smiled. "You really did miss us, then."
"Of course. I thought about you every day. Now take me home, where I can have some real food."
Gerard smiled and drove her home, letting her talk if she felt like it, but not pushing it. "I just want to say I'm sorry Gerard, for making you feel like that."
He reached over and took her hand. "Sarah, you have no idea how you've touched each of us. You were so depressed, that to keep yourself from thinking about it, you threw yourself into making us all happy. You did whatever we asked at the drop of a hat, and never asked anything but a few hours company in return. And Mikey--I don't know what the fuck happened the night you guys got smashed. All I know is that the next night, when Josh tried to hurt you...I've never seen Mikey that angry. Except the night he fought the brick wall, but you get my point. If Bob hadn't been there, Josh would be dead. End of story."
"Thank you, Gerard, really."
He smiled and helped her out of the car. Her arms were still heavily scabbed and bandaged, but other than that she had minimal (visible) injuries. They walked up her front steps and then Sarah thought she heard someone say something.
"What?" She asked.
"huh? Oh, nothing, come on, I bet your tired."
"I am, but I wanted to see Mikey before I went to bed."
"Oh. Well, let's go in, and then I'll go get him, okay?"
"Okay, Gee."
Sarah put her key in the lock, and someone giggled. "Gerard, you are not that gay. What the hell is going on?"
"What? I'm gay?" he asked, pushing the door open with a mock look of hurt on his face.
"SURPRISE!!!!" Yelled Frank, Jamia, Bob, Julie, Ray, Lillian and Mikey.
"What the-you guys suck!" Sarah said with a smile.
"Yeah, we know," Frank said with a look at Jamia.
There was not too much all over the house, just a vase of flowers. "We'll stay and hang out if you want. If you feel like company, you know," Bob said.
"Maybe. I'm suddenly feeling a lot better than I was. Who cleaned my house?" She had tears in her eyes already.
"Mikey, Frank and I. Gerard couldn't stand to walk in here with it like it was. It made him upset."
"I-you guys-thank you. God, thank you so much." Sarah hugged them all, Starting with Frank (who held on longer than everyone else) and ending with Mikey. Then Gerard.
"I don't think I need to say it, but I will. Mikey and I live right next door. I don't care if it's three a.m., you'd better come get us, okay?"
"Okay, I will. I cannot thank you enough. I'd offer you guys dinner, but I don't think there's anything in there.
“It’s okay. Mikey ordered Chinese,” Said Jamia with a grin. It was unbelievable that they cared; that anybody cared…maybe she would accept the doctor’s advice after all…