Status: Complete :)
Reaching You
Skyler
I breathed in deep enough to almost explode my lungs. Or so it felt. Fear was winding its way through my body. Today was the day. I’d finally decided to tell the one person I’d loved for four years that I did, in fact, love him.
No, forget all that. I’d never tell him. I’d end up getting cold feet in the end and just tell myself I’d settle for being the best friend. I’m close enough to him now right? It’s strange to say that I love him. But I’m pretty sure it’s the truth. I constantly think of him. How it’d be if he were mine. I know I’d be a good boyfriend.
Yes. Boyfriend. Unfortunately, my being male isn’t the worst problem. It’s because I’m fat. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. Had he not been bisexual I would never have even thought about going out with him. Well, though, I know I don’t have much of a chance with being fat. No one wants a fat significant other.
Though, I’ve never felt the need to lose weight. I’ve always been a very happy person and not too concerned about that kind of thing. I’ve always felt comfortable like this.
But I’ve seen his taste in women and men. All were skinny, all had nice bodies and a provocative outlook.
Nobody really wants to embrace someone who’s fat, right?
No one ever had to tell me I was fat. I’ve seen the charts in the doctor’s office. How I’m 5’7” and over two-hundred pounds with not even an ounce of muscle to account for it.
*~*~*~*~*
The boy in front of me held out his hand for me to take his pencil to use. As I took it, our skin brushed, sending pangs of electricity at the nerves in my fingertips.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I held onto that feeling until it finally faded. I always think about how great it’d be if we’d go out, then I could hold him, be with him, touch his soft skin, his coarse hair. I ruffle his hair and secretly wish that I could just leave my hands on his head and absorb the warmth.
But then he straightens his hair and turns to the dragon next to him. April, who starts up every high school drama case known to man is the female beside him. She’s also skinny, the very thing I’m not. That’s what sets us apart. The gap between us too huge for me to traverse. Damned physiognomy. I wish it would work out in my favor, just once.
I always ended up so much more conscious of my weight when I was near him. I gave a small sigh as he helped her with some math problem.
The only consolation offered was that she wasn’t smart enough to understand it herself. Because, honestly, I wanted him to pay attention to me and only me.
“So that’s how you do it?” She asked. I grit my teeth. I didn’t want her near him. Unfortunately I couldn’t very well say that out loud.
I hated that I could see them as a couple. Even though it tore at my heart to think of that.
“Laine, how’s that manga I let you borrow?” I asked him, trying to force his attention to me. He looked quickly at me and then shrugged.
“It was alright. It moved a little slow though.” And then he turned back to the girl who was giggling next to him.
I bit my lip as I realized that I might now have much longer before he’s swept away with this woman.
And that’s what made up my mind. But I needed help. I was much too cowardly to tell him myself. And so I enlisted the help of my friend, Amanda.
*~*~*~*~*
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Amanda asked. She grabbed my hand and smiled as I nodded. She texted him say that someone she knew liked him but he had to guess.
“Amanda, have I ever told you you’re amazing?” I said, nudging her.
“No, but your life-long servitude to my greatness shall have to suffice,” she chuckled.
“I just hope he doesn’t like April,” I mumbled, gripping Amanda’s hand tighter.
“Oh, that bitch? You’re so much more wonderful, my dearest Skyler,” she said as she got a text message.
“I feel childish doing this,” I said.
“Don’t! This is a great expedition in the adventure that is love!”
I read over her shoulder to see that the first person he’d guessed was, in fact, April. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I felt like I would throw up.
“Of course he’s gonna guess her! She’s a hoe.”
We went through a couple more names before Laine just said fuck it and told us to just tell the name. By then, my resolve had dissipated. I’ll bet he just guessed all the people he liked and they all just so happened to be skinny and mostly girls.
Amanda typed in that it was me who liked him and asked if I really wanted to send it. I gripped her hand tight and nodded.
“Don’t sweat it, he’s gotta like you! You’re too amazing, remember?” She said, trying to cheer me up.
It felt like an eternity before he finally texted back.
My eyes were glued to the text. Sorry. I can only see him as a friend.
My throat felt dry and my mind was blank. Should I have cried? Did I? All I know is that Amanda had her arms around me, the phone crashing to the floor saying, “I’m so sorry, Sky.”
All I know is that for the one person I’d ever wanted this badly, I couldn’t have them. They didn’t love me and they never would. No matter how much I loved them.
And it was because I was fat.
No, forget all that. I’d never tell him. I’d end up getting cold feet in the end and just tell myself I’d settle for being the best friend. I’m close enough to him now right? It’s strange to say that I love him. But I’m pretty sure it’s the truth. I constantly think of him. How it’d be if he were mine. I know I’d be a good boyfriend.
Yes. Boyfriend. Unfortunately, my being male isn’t the worst problem. It’s because I’m fat. I know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. Had he not been bisexual I would never have even thought about going out with him. Well, though, I know I don’t have much of a chance with being fat. No one wants a fat significant other.
Though, I’ve never felt the need to lose weight. I’ve always been a very happy person and not too concerned about that kind of thing. I’ve always felt comfortable like this.
But I’ve seen his taste in women and men. All were skinny, all had nice bodies and a provocative outlook.
Nobody really wants to embrace someone who’s fat, right?
No one ever had to tell me I was fat. I’ve seen the charts in the doctor’s office. How I’m 5’7” and over two-hundred pounds with not even an ounce of muscle to account for it.
*~*~*~*~*
The boy in front of me held out his hand for me to take his pencil to use. As I took it, our skin brushed, sending pangs of electricity at the nerves in my fingertips.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I held onto that feeling until it finally faded. I always think about how great it’d be if we’d go out, then I could hold him, be with him, touch his soft skin, his coarse hair. I ruffle his hair and secretly wish that I could just leave my hands on his head and absorb the warmth.
But then he straightens his hair and turns to the dragon next to him. April, who starts up every high school drama case known to man is the female beside him. She’s also skinny, the very thing I’m not. That’s what sets us apart. The gap between us too huge for me to traverse. Damned physiognomy. I wish it would work out in my favor, just once.
I always ended up so much more conscious of my weight when I was near him. I gave a small sigh as he helped her with some math problem.
The only consolation offered was that she wasn’t smart enough to understand it herself. Because, honestly, I wanted him to pay attention to me and only me.
“So that’s how you do it?” She asked. I grit my teeth. I didn’t want her near him. Unfortunately I couldn’t very well say that out loud.
I hated that I could see them as a couple. Even though it tore at my heart to think of that.
“Laine, how’s that manga I let you borrow?” I asked him, trying to force his attention to me. He looked quickly at me and then shrugged.
“It was alright. It moved a little slow though.” And then he turned back to the girl who was giggling next to him.
I bit my lip as I realized that I might now have much longer before he’s swept away with this woman.
And that’s what made up my mind. But I needed help. I was much too cowardly to tell him myself. And so I enlisted the help of my friend, Amanda.
*~*~*~*~*
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Amanda asked. She grabbed my hand and smiled as I nodded. She texted him say that someone she knew liked him but he had to guess.
“Amanda, have I ever told you you’re amazing?” I said, nudging her.
“No, but your life-long servitude to my greatness shall have to suffice,” she chuckled.
“I just hope he doesn’t like April,” I mumbled, gripping Amanda’s hand tighter.
“Oh, that bitch? You’re so much more wonderful, my dearest Skyler,” she said as she got a text message.
“I feel childish doing this,” I said.
“Don’t! This is a great expedition in the adventure that is love!”
I read over her shoulder to see that the first person he’d guessed was, in fact, April. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I felt like I would throw up.
“Of course he’s gonna guess her! She’s a hoe.”
We went through a couple more names before Laine just said fuck it and told us to just tell the name. By then, my resolve had dissipated. I’ll bet he just guessed all the people he liked and they all just so happened to be skinny and mostly girls.
Amanda typed in that it was me who liked him and asked if I really wanted to send it. I gripped her hand tight and nodded.
“Don’t sweat it, he’s gotta like you! You’re too amazing, remember?” She said, trying to cheer me up.
It felt like an eternity before he finally texted back.
My eyes were glued to the text. Sorry. I can only see him as a friend.
My throat felt dry and my mind was blank. Should I have cried? Did I? All I know is that Amanda had her arms around me, the phone crashing to the floor saying, “I’m so sorry, Sky.”
All I know is that for the one person I’d ever wanted this badly, I couldn’t have them. They didn’t love me and they never would. No matter how much I loved them.
And it was because I was fat.
♠ ♠ ♠
I felt like writing this because...I dunno...
But, please comment.
If it's well received I'll continue.
Mostly because it was written on a whim.
:)