Reaching You

I was ready for the backlash, for him to say that was disgusting that I was doing that. He’s said so many nice things to me today. Thing I didn’t deserve. It was horrible that I was jealous of my friend because she got the guy I loved for four years. It’s rather despicable, really.

But Haven really made me see what was wrong with my reflection in the mirror. It was disgusting, looking at this corpse in the mirror. I didn’t realize how sick I really was. This is… so messed up. How did I live like this? My bones protruding from the skin over it, my sunken cheeks… Laine’s taken so much from me, even my health… I gave him everything I had.

“Wh-what…?” Haven stuttered, as if in disbelief. I didn’t dare look at him. I was afraid of the disgust that had to be on his face by now.

“I felt like… if I wasn’t skinny… then I wasn’t good enough… Food began to repulse me… but I had to eat normally at lunch or they’d suspect something so… I just… threw up in the bathroom.”

It was weird… pouring out all my feelings and problems to someone I don’t really know that well. But it was nice, in a way, like a weight had been lifted from me. Like maybe someone really cared. But it was all about to be over. Soon he’d tell me how gross it was that‘d been doing that.

“Skyler…” He whispered. I was ready for the reprimand. “I want to help you get better.”

I was taken aback by that, I was shocked, completely surprised. “Y-you’re not gonna… say how stupid I am for doing that or how disgusting that is?“

“People do a lot of things when they feel like they’re not good enough. Let me help you Skyler,” he said. I looked away from his serious reflection in the mirror. Help me? It was too kind of him to offer.

“Why are you… so nice to me?” I questioned.

“I… don’t know,” he said. It was strange because he was usually cocky and arrogant and now he wants to help me with my problems.

Slowly, I turned towards him. “Thank you.” Was all I said before his arms were around me.

When he pulled away, his first question was, “What’s your favorite food?”

“Um… I used to really like Chinese food before… well…” I trailed off, embarrassed by my problem now.

But I was extremely happy because he didn’t berate me or abandon me like I thought he would.

*~*~*~*~*

Why does the food I used to love look so repulsive to me now? Haven sat across from me with a plate of his own in from of him. But what if I get fat and he thinks I’m ugly? Could I really bare it if he thought I was ugly?

Haven took a few bites of his food before looking over at me, cocking his eyebrow. “Take as long as you need.”

Ten minutes later, I worked up the nerve to take the first bite of my general Tso’s chicken. I chewed for what felt like forever before swallowing.

It wasn’t that bad. But it wasn’t great either. It was food, the thing I’ve programmed myself to hate so I couldn’t help but feel sick afterwards.

All I really remember was throwing up into the toilet bowl and Haven rubbing my back. “I’m sorry,” I cried. “I can’t keep it down.”

“It’s okay, it’s just because you’ve taught yourself to do this,” he tried to reassure me. “What other foods do you like?”

“Please.. don’t talk about food,” I chuckled slightly. “But… I like fish. Grilled fish.”

“Come to my house tomorrow.”