Reaching You

God, I felt so shitty for snapping at Skyler. I don’t even know where it came from. I was even thinking of taking a break from him while I get over this, but I can’t leave him alone. I don’t want to be without him, but I don’t want to hurt him and I know that the withdrawal will only get worse.

I took some ibuprofen to quell my ever-pounding head and laid down. I can’t believe Skyler let me kiss him like that. I mean, I’ve wanted to do it since we started going out because, well, it felt intimate, like it established that he truly wanted to be with me. He is, however, the first person I’ve kissed like that.

I’ve realized that I’ve been caring less and less about what my dad says about my grades on my tests. I think it’s because I now have Skyler who appreciates me and likes me and gives me the love my father couldn’t. Not that he completely “loves” me per se, but you get what I mean. Perhaps we’ll say I love you one day. I know we probably won’t have the perfect setting for it or anything, but it’s probably be amazing either way.

However, my affection for him doesn’t run that deep just yet. But if this keeps up, it’ll definitely get there. I mean, I like him so much now. I never imagined that I’d like the kid so much. But he’s just so nice and adorable. He thinks of other people besides himself. Though, I suppose I couldn’t have been with someone who only thought of themselves.

I sighed before turning over to sleep. It’s been a week without speed and it feels so slow. Luckily, Skyler’s been helping me with all of my homework and studying so I’m doing just fine in my classes. He makes me feel like I can really do this and make it happen without the drugs. That I’m smart on my own merits.

*~*~*~*~*

Skyler smiled as soon as he saw me walk down the hall. I wish I didn’t have to contemplate evaded him so that I wouldn’t accidentally snap at him. Why did I even start with the drugs? I hate that the withdrawal almost takes priority over Skyler.

However, I hugged Skyler before he turned to get his books out of his locker. “How are you,” he asked. If it were anyone else, I’d have assumed that they were trying to make small talk. But Skyler knew what was going on so it was a completely necessary question.

“It’s just my head today, and I’m sorry for snapping at you yesterday,” I apologized again before looking around and then kissing his cheek. That’ll probably be the extent of what we do together because I didn’t like publicly kissing. It made me feel weird and it was a bit inappropriate too.

“I’m glad you’re getting over this,” he said before hugging me again.

I groaned and wrapped my arms back around him, just enjoying holding him. I love spending so much time with him. Because he’s never judged me and we get along so well it just makes us so completely compatible.

I’m just so glad that he didn’t destroy his body with starving and purging or else I may never have met him. It scares me to think what it might be like without him. He’s incorporated himself into my life so deeply that I can’t imagine not having him around.

*~*~*~*~*

I laid against Skyler, my eyes closing, slowly. I was so tired lately, like my body was shutting down. God, I hoped that wasn’t that case, and it probably wasn’t. “I like you so much,” I mumbled against his shoulder. He was reading off facts from the useless book of facts but then he suddenly stopped.

I could just feel the blush sneaking up on his cheeks. “I-I like you a lot too,” he whispered before leaning over to kiss my lips. I wanted so much to just grab a hold of him and then keep him there so we could kiss like this forever.