Reaching You

“I know you’ve been going out with Haven for a while, but isn’t that kind of weird?” Laine asked at lunch. Unfortunately, Haven was throwing up today so he wasn’t in any condition to come to school. I wanted to stay home with him and help him but he was kind of irritable and snapped a bit.

I eyed him suspiciously. “What’s weird?”

“You guys have been going out for awhile. Haven’t you had sex?” He asked.

My face went instantly red. How could he even have the gall to ask that!? Was that even any of his business. “N-No,” I mumbled out. Was it a bad thing we haven’t? I wish I wasn’t so inexperienced.

“Really? Me and Amanda did it in the first month,” he told me, leaning in so I could hear him over the lunchroom roar. “Hey, come with me,” he said as he grabbed my arm to lead me into the bathroom.

“What is it?” I questioned.

“I can teach you the ropes on sex,” he told me, keeping his voice low.

I stared at him, wide-eyed. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. Breathing halted as my head swam. I was suddenly sick to my stomach. I would never betray Haven like that and I couldn’t even believe he was thinking of betraying Amanda like that. Besides, what the hell does he want with me now?! He rejected me a few years ago!

“Wh-What?” Was all I managed to stutter out. Nothing in my brain coordinated with my mouth.

“Yeah, lose your virginity to me so that, one, you’ll be a bit more experienced, and two, you’ll have someone who knows you inside and out taking it.”

My mouth just quivered as I desperately tried to reject. But, suddenly, I wanted to say more than that, I wanted to tell him everything that he’s put me through. I needed to scream at him, let everything out that I’ve kept deep inside me.

“No.” I said adamantly. “You don’t know me inside and out.” I said, almost mumbling. I slowly lifted my head to look at him and then did a slow, disbelieving shake of my head.

“What? Of course I do,” he stated confidently.

“Then why reject me in sophomore year?” I asked. “Why now?”

“I guess I just wasn’t thinking then,”

“Then where the fuck was your brain these past few years or even six months ago?! Didn’t you notice I was a walking skeleton? Or did it not even cross your mind that something could seriously be wrong with me? That maybe I was that hurt by your rejection.” I growled, feeling something completely feral working its way from my chest to tear into him for every single thing in the past bit of time.

“What?” He asked, flabbergasted.

“You’re saying you hadn’t noticed my drastic weight loss? How I stopped eating and threw up what little I did?” I was shaking with anger.

“But I-”

“You didn’t care about me,” I remarked in a stunned realization.

“You never-”

“Opened my legs for you!? Is that what you wanted!? Something easy because you’re a fucking sex addict!? Or that I never lost weight. I wasn’t skinny enough for you!?”

“I didn’t like that you were fat, no, but I liked your personality,” he said, as if that’d make things better. I was a lot skinnier now than before I starved myself, but I was still pudgy.

“And my weight was enough to make you reject me? That’s so fucking shallow,” I raised my voice.

“But that guy, Haven-”

“Haven likes me as I am,” I said in a warning tone. He was about to question Haven’s affection for me. “He saved me from an early grave.”

“Early grave?”

“Exactly. Do you have any idea how much it tore me apart when you said it’d be weird to date me? No, you didn’t because you only care about yourself. Fuck you, Laine. Fuck you.”

And then I left for my next period class, not caring if the bell rang or not.

*~*~*~*

As soon as school ended, I sped over to Haven’s house. When he opened the door, I launched myself into his arms, happy to have the familiar warmth around me.

“Happy to see you, too,” he said, wrapping his arms around me before chuckling. I had to tell him what happened, of course, so I did.