Reaching You

I sighed next to Haven as we were in our awkward world events class. Laine hadn’t said anything at all. And Haven was pissed at what Laine had said but he agreed that he wouldn’t say anything just yet to Amanda or yell at Laine. It was out of respect for me because I didn’t know what to say to Amanda. In fact, I was afraid to tell her for fear she wouldn’t believe me.

Haven was gritting his teeth as he tried to burn a hole into the back of Laine’s head with his eyes.

Though, I should probably tell her. Either way, she’ll probably hate me. Because if Laine’s avoiding me, she will too and if I tell her she’ll avoid me.

If Laine had just accepted me a few years ago, I could’ve avoided all of this heartbreak. But I probably wouldn’t have developed these serious feelings for Haven.

Serious? Well, both of our parents, know about us going out, too. And that’s a plus. But…. how serious about him was I?

I know I shouldn’t be having this conversation with myself in the same room with Haven and Amanda and Laine.

But I think I lo-… Wait. What was I going to say? My face suddenly got red, I could feel the blood rush through it.

Is it too early for that? Had love truly manifested between us or was it just me? Perhaps I’m just being idealistic. But I want it to be so. I want him to love me.

I bit my lip as I looked at Haven. He was still angrily looking at Laine. But then he realized I was looking at him and he smiled at me.

Maybe telling him would be a good exercise towards saying what I’m feeling instead of keeping it all inside. And perhaps I could tell him about the experience when Laine got his first girlfriend he did anything with.

I can still remember the pain, but it’s like I’m looking in on myself suffering and that’s what hurts me. That the actual event.

Perhaps it’ll take my mind off of Amanda. I wrote Haven a note asking him to come over today. He smiled after he read it and nodded.

It’s nice to know that at least one person can just be happy being with someone and not fucking or whatever. That’s why Haven is a great person. He never makes me feel like he only wants me for looks and that he’s never rejected me for looks either neither in word nor demeanor.

I stood by Haven’s locker as he finished getting whatever he needed to take home. He smiled again at me before taking my hand to lead me out the front doors and to my car.

“You’ve been a bit quiet. You’re okay, right?” He asked, his mouth dropping from his smile into a thin line of concern. “Is it about Laine?”

“Umm… A little. Most of it is about…. Well… you,” I said nervously, biting my lip.

*~*~*~*

When we got to my house, we sat down on my bed and prepared to play a video game but Haven wasn’t so rude as to forget that we were here mostly to talk.

“Well?” Haven asked, before grabbing my hand.

“I’ve never really told anyone about this so… um… Anyways, a few months after I told Laine I liked him, everything got better, we were friends again and one of our friends had invited us and a few other people to go with them to the movies.”

I looked at Haven to see if it was holding his interest. If he looked disgusted or angry about me talking about Laine, I’d stop.

“There was a petite girl there that we’d never met before. And he was immediately flirting with her. It hurt because I still really liked him. The worst part was when he came to school, not only forty-eight hours after meeting her, with a huge, scabbed-over hickey.”

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t good at opening up, especially about this because I always feel like people will compare what they’ve been through and won’t listen to me. “I’m still listening, Skyler.” He gave a small smile that seemed to radiate sympathy and care.

“It made me feel like I completely wasn’t good enough. Like… four years, compared to four hours was nothing. It really damaged our friendship again, I avoided him, he avoided me. But it was because he was showing off his hickey to me, even knowing that I still liked him.”

“But, then you came along. You gave me everything he never did. You saw through my appearance, and… I never really thanked you for that. So, thank you for liking me, you are the best thing that ever happened.”

He gave one of his wide smiles and then jumped on me, pinning me to the bed in a hug with his mouth pressed to mine. After the surprise wore off, I kissed back. We stayed like that for a little while, our tongues searching the other’s mouth, small moans emitting that were only heard by us. I didn’t quite get a “problem” this time.

When we pulled away, I said the three words I had really wanted to say that day, “I love you.”