Reaching You

I looked over at Haven as he kept his eyes on the road. I blushed as I remembered what I had almost done last night. I didn’t even think I wanted to do something like that. But… I wanted to make him feel good; I… wanted to do it. Not just because he was angry but because well… we haven’t really done anything since that time before we graduated and now that we live together… Well, I’ll just chalk it up to the heat of the moment, I suppose.

I placed my hand over his that was on the clutch. He had a habit of that since he always drove stick, even though he was driving an automatic now. A small smile tugged at his lips.

I just hoped he wasn’t doing this because I asked him to. Perhaps I shouldn’t have looked up his mom but… I wanted him to get over this mental abrasion and mend the wounds.

I could sense the fear and anxiety that he must have been feeling. This wasn’t going to be easy. And what if his mother wasn’t nice? What if she only wanted to talk to him to confirm that she cared nothing about him. It would be my fault.

Haven pulled into the parking lot of the park and turned off the car. He ran his hands through his hair and placed them back over his face, taking a deep breath.

I placed my hand of his back, trying to tell him that I was and would always be there for him. He took a few more deep breaths.

“God, Skyler…” He reached out one of his hands to place on my cheek. He looked heartbroken, scared, terrified, like he was about to break. I grabbed the hand that was on my cheek and clutched it between two of mine.

“I love you, Haven,” I whispered softly. “You’ll get through this.” I pressed a light kiss to his knuckles and then to his lips.

He gave a sad smile to me before inhaling and opening the car door, breaking contact with me. I followed him out of the car and to the memorial where his mom said she’d be waiting.

I followed just behind him, only our pinkies linked. However, the link broke when we came upon a woman sitting alone, smoking a cigarette. Her hair was messy and dirty and put up in a quick, sloppy bun. It couldn’t have been his mother. She must have been late.

But I felt my heart drop when the woman looked up at us. It was her. Haven had her unmistakable Irish green eyes. Her face was marked over with abscesses, dark circles under her eyes, unwashed clothes, ratty sweatpants.

“My little boy… Oh, Haven, it’s so great to see you,” she said, a rasp in her voice.

Haven’s posture told me exactly what he was thinking. This is a joke, right?

I wish it was. I wish I’d never looked for his mother for him. If I’d known she was this kind of person…

“Mom?” He said in disbelief.

“I wanted to see you all these years, but I always thought you’d hate me for what happened,” she told him before giving him a hug. He stiffened at it.

“Then why did you leave?” He asked.

“Your dad couldn’t… he didn’t give me the space I needed. He couldn’t let me do the things I wanted,” she said. It was obvious what she meant. She wanted the time and space to do the drugs without Haven’s father interfering.

“And so you left us for some other man?”

“I couldn’t help it, he was so kind and gave me the things I needed. He made me feel like he cared about what I wanted,” she said, sighing.

“To get high? Your next fix?” Haven asked. “Where is he now?”

She sighed again. “He left a few days ago. Haven, he left me with nothing. I’ve pawned off everything I had to get a hotel room for a few nights. I haven’t eaten for two days.”

And there it went, the one thing that I hoped she wouldn’t ask him for. She needed money, most likely not for food or a place to live.

“Is this why you wanted to meet me? For money? A place to live? Somewhere that you can do your goddamned drugs? I’m not getting near that again.”

“You mean… Haven, have you done drugs?” She asked. “then you know why I can’t quit. I need that high, it’s everything to me. Come on, I’ll split what I have left with you.”

“I don’t need the high anymore. I have something, someone, that means everything to me. You’re bribing me, your own son, with drugs. How far must you fall until you realize that you’ve fucked up.”

Her face twisted and she opened her mouth to let out scathing words. “At least I’m not some goddamned faggot that can’t even help his own mother when she needs it. You’d rather get assfucked by the kid behind you.”

Haven’s expression turned dark. “This goddamned faggot has made something of himself. I graduated valedictorian. I’m enrolled in college. And I’ve got a place to live. You have nothing.”

Then he turned on his heel and grabbed my hand, pulled me behind him. I shot his mother a death glare before following Haven into the car.

As soon as he sat in the passenger’s side, the tears just rolled down his face. I felt so guilty. It was my fault that he had to learn the truth.

“I’m sorry,” I managed, nearly crying at the sight of him. It was heartbreaking, the way he looked.

“No, Skyler, it-” he sniffled and wiped his eye. “It’s not your fault. In fact, I’m kind of relieved to know that I was never missing out on anything. My life was actually better not knowing my mother.”

I kissed his cheeks, the salty tears landing on my lips.

I had to drive home since Haven obviously was not in the right mind to drive home.

When we got home and laid in bed together, Haven had his arm around my shoulders and his hand intertwined with one of mine.

“I really do love you,” Haven whispered, the unexpectedness of it, making my entire body shiver out of shock.

“Wh-what?” I gasped.

I looked up at him. He was smiling one of his cute, genuine, half-smiles. “I’m sorry it took so long to figure out.”