One Sexy Mother ***er

YEAR 2011

I laughed loudly as i pushed the random interviewers shoulder, playing off my fun and flirty persona. I was standing on the gold carpet at one of MTV's award shows, but didn't have the slightest clue which one. That may be because i got really wasted last night, and when i woke up this afternoon, i was rushed away to get ready for tonight.

With a smile and a wink, and moved down the long stretch of carpet, brushing my long dirty blonde hair behind my shoulder, and out of the face of my beloved snake Draco, who was still alive, but much bigger now that he had aged some. When he wrapped around my neck, it was much less cute to others, and more so frightening. But that's a lot of peoples reactions to a boa constrictor.

I finally made it to the front of the building, and went to find me seat as i brushed some glitter off of his scales. I sat down in my designated seat, and crossed my legs while adjusting my far to short skirt which had ridden too far up my tanned legs.

I just had to sit through some talking, and then perform a song, and i could go get wasted again at the after party.

Just as the show was about to begin, there was a loud bang which came from the doors at the back of the room being thrown open, and a giant shopping cart rolled down the massive aisle, filled with a group of loud obnoxious men.

'Fuck.' Was my first thought, followed closely by, 'Shit. Kill me now. What have i done to deserve this?'

After the cart crashed, spilling the men out across the floor, they stood, were applauded, and went to their seats, which just so happened to be the rest of the row that i was sitting in.

"Hey Bam Bam! You get to sit next to the pretty lady, and her pretty snake!" Knoxville yelled shoving Bam into the seat next to me, and made sure that he couldn't move to another seat.

"Fuck you Knoxville! I will punch your nads as soon as i fucking get the chance!" Bam yelled moving as far away in his seat as he could without actually sitting in Dunn's lap.

I just let out my famous giggle, and shifted as if i was totally at ease in this situation, which i had become oh so good at doing upon the coming of my fame, the whole faking every bit of your life to make sure no one can see the real you. Yeah, I am the master.

The show went on as it was supposed to, more or less as the guys in my row yelled and screamed curse words every five minutes.

During the time that i was waiting for my time to wrap up the show, i may have let Draco slither over in the direction of Bam, which may have caused him to scream like a pansy ass.

"And now to close up this mother fucker, we have Kesha performing... Some song that i can't remember the name of." Laughed the host for the night, who had had quite a few drinks while on stage.

I rose from my seat, gathered Draco from where he was terrorizing Bam, and made my way to the stage, leaving a trail of glitter as i swayed my hips.

"There's a place downtown, where the freaks all come around," Sounded the electronic version of my voice as color and glitter exploded around me.

~~~